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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect nursery to change my 14mo before I pick her up

235 replies

CrazyRainbowLady · 28/01/2015 19:13

She's in cloth nappies. They have a rule that they change nappies every 3 hours, her changes are usually at 10.30 and 1.30 according to the communications book.
She gets picked up at 4 and I usually run errands or pick up my older dcs from after school clubs etc.
I've asked them several times to please change her before I pick her up as we keep getting leaks from her nappies after pick up, but it rarely happens.
AIBU?

OP posts:
Goldmandra · 29/01/2015 00:28

The more you post,Tinks, the more concerned I am for the children in your care and their families.

Do your staff have to take two other children with them every time they change a nappy? That isn't very satisfactory. How do you keep the extra two safe in that environment?

And yes, I am for real. I wrote 3000 word assignment on how regular daily routines like feeding and nappy changing contribute to children's development. They are really important opportunities for positive and focused interaction with small children.

BTW, you do know that working in cooperation with parents is considered an essential element of good practice, don't you? You can't really adequately meet the needs of a child without maintaining some positive links with home and developing an understanding of their family life. If you see the children as lovely and their parents as mere irritations, you are going to struggle to create successful partnerships.

Tinks42 · 29/01/2015 00:32

The more you post Gold the more I see you as a "matron" that only writes about things and doesnt do them. The more you write the more I see "ofsted" and their unrealistic requirements. Grin

Tinks42 · 29/01/2015 00:44

I was also asking "you" that question. How you can write a 3000 word assignment about nappy changing is beyond me. Another do-gooder that does no good whatsover. Another one that bangs on about good practice that is no longer on the floor and has lost the essence of what looking after children is all about.

muffpuff · 29/01/2015 00:47

First of all can I just say I'm a bit baffled by the OP being told to use disposables "like the majority of people do" to solve the problem. She didn't ask anyone to critique her choice of nappy.

Secondly any nursery I've ever worked in will change every 2.5 hours if wet and immediately if soiled, if a parent requested a specific change we'd fit it in and if pick up was within 30 minutes of the change schedule we'd change as priority.

So I don't think YABU.

Tinks42 · 29/01/2015 00:49

You have obviously written that about a parent/child bond surely. Nothing to do with a nursery situation.

Tinks42 · 29/01/2015 00:51

Nursery staff are underpaid and overworked, like any other "industry" which is sad.

No we cant change a frigging bum because "a" specific parent requires it! Was that child handed over with a shitty nappy. No of course not.

Get real and get over yourselves.

Tinks42 · 29/01/2015 00:53

Would I put my child in a nursery....

The answer would be no.

duckwalk · 29/01/2015 00:57

My dd's old nursery agreed to check her nappy every hour when I requested it. However that was because she went through a stage of having overflow due to constipation, and her skin was red raw as a result. She literally needed 2 people...at home and at nursery...to change her as she fought so much because of the pain. I think it's a case to case thing though, and as I asked they were happy to do so. I don't feel I was entitled or precious.

MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom · 29/01/2015 01:01

DD's nursery change them every three hours. They'll always offer to change her before we take her home, unless she's only just been changed before we turn up. In the past we've asked for her nappy to be changed a little more frequently to put metanium on when she had bad nappy rash, and they were more than willing.

I love their open door policy; it's on my university campus so I love being able to pop in and check on her.

For someone who works in a nursery, Tinks, you don't seem very fond of them...

Italiangreyhound · 29/01/2015 01:03

Is this a fee paying nursery? Mine was where my dd went. When my dd was at nursery we paid for a session, any time from 8.00 to lunchtime or any time from lunch time to 6.00. I paid the same if I left her until 6.00 or picked up at 3.00.

My point is if you are paying for a full session but picking her up before the end of the session I do not think it is unreasonable for her to be changed by the staff. I would talk to them and see what they say.

I can understand they have rules about whether parents are allowed in the change areas for understandable reasons like insurance.

But the rules about when they change babies are made on the basis of what works best for them. If this is a fee paying nursery and you are a customer I don't think it is unreasonable to ask about this.

Failing that I would change her myself but I think you are right to ask if it is within your time slot at the nursery. If it is not within your paid for time slot, then it is your responsibility IMHO.

Tinks42 · 29/01/2015 01:06

No, im not fond of what goes on in nurseries.

Of course a child will never be "damaged" in one.

But nurtured, no, they won't be.

Bettybodybooboo · 29/01/2015 01:07

See as a cm I would always try to
Work with parents. So long journey home change nappy just before pick up.

Babysitter for the evening, and night out for mum and dad? Early nap time and try to keep baby awake later so go down early,

If course much easier as a cm rather than a nursery 'institution' and don't tell Ofsted. That would be a total no no! You are supposed to let children sleep when they sleep with no regard for parents! Daft!

Good job nurseries are cheaper than cms! Oh wait! Grin

Op think to be fair yanbu.

Italiangreyhound · 29/01/2015 01:10

Oh just saw there are 7 pages! Sorry OP you may have answered about fee paying I did not see this was so long!

Tinks42 · 29/01/2015 01:18

Good for you Betty. Its the personal thing that people go on about that they will never be given in an institution. Im an advocate of childminders, I work in a nursery a couple of days a week and am gobsmacked by most of it to be fair. The owners, the workers and the parents.

It somehow became "fashionable" and childminders were practically made non-existent.

My son went to a childminder when i worked as a PA for years and I can't thank her enough for being a "mum" when I couldnt.

Bettybodybooboo · 29/01/2015 01:20

Fee paying not sure what that means equated to good care. All child care settings should be fantastic! Regardless of money!

I am a self employed business woman as a cm and proud. and I feel it's my job to support the parents first ( they need it more) and the kids second.

Kids are easy. Smile

You work with families and to be successful all should be happy. Parents and children.

duckwalk · 29/01/2015 01:21

Italian I think whether it's a fee paying nursery or not is a moot point. All nurseries provide a service, no matter how they're funded (private or tax payer). My dds nursery was a university one, so I paid student rates. I paid for a full time place as my study and placement hours changed so much....I was still paying a fraction of what others do but the staff were happy to assist with my request. (See above Grin ) Although I do understand all nurseries are different.

Italiangreyhound · 29/01/2015 01:22

Bettybodybooboo I don't think fee paying equates to good, I think fee paying explains that you are a customer and usually a business tried to satisfy its customers (in theory).

My dd's nursery was at my dh's work and was brilliant.

MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom · 29/01/2015 01:23

Tinks do you believe that of all nurseries or just yours?

My DD has come on leaps and bounds, adores her key worker and all the workers in her room actually, they dedicate so much time to all the babies and cuddles are a major part of the day! I truly believe DD is being nurtured and cared for very well in her nursery.

Bettybodybooboo · 29/01/2015 01:24

Tinks exactly. Last summer I had twins in my setting getting an evening flight with mum
And dad to Dubai. Twins were 16 months!!! Aaaarrrgggggg.

We timed the naps so they would sleep on the plane.

Job done.

Italiangreyhound · 29/01/2015 01:26

duckwall of course I would expect all nurseries to do a good job etc. To treat parents and most of all children well. But I was thinking that sometimes a business will be more customer orientated.

I can only equate it in my own mind to the nursery my dd went to, which was subsidised but fee paying, where everything was pretty much excellent. And school, which is state school, where my (our/your/ everyone's) taxes pay for it. And school is not excellent.

It is a shame and I wish it was not so. But there it is. Also, if you are paying for a period of time and leave early then I don't think it would be unreasonable, for example to say 'we'll miss the 4.30 snack but can we take it with us' etc. I have very limited experience of any other kind of nursery but I would hope they would do the same too, so I guess I am agreeing with you! Grin

Tinks42 · 29/01/2015 01:27

Yes, all childcare facilities "should" be fantastic. But they arent.

Im not in charge of where I work.
I see children being employed all the time.

I dont think that anyone should actually look after a child unless they have had one themselves. It makes no sense to me.
But an older person would cost more, hence they employ young straight out of college. Errr why?

Tinks42 · 29/01/2015 01:31

Unfortunately I have seen quite a lot of nurseries and worked in them too.

Maybe Im more about tiny ones not being in an institution where there is such a ratio. Workers do not have the time to really "care" for them in a way I would want for my child.

duckwalk · 29/01/2015 01:39

Italian yes I think we do agree! I guess we 2 can only speak from personal experience. And my dds former nursery was great! Unfortunately it's since closed down, which is a massive shame as I'd never have got through my training without it as all my family and friends were working. I think the student rates were great for the students but maybe not great for the nursery!! I'd hate to think of other students who simply cannot afford full time childcare.
tink genuine, serious question....have you thought about starting out as a CM? I don't know what you would need to start up and get established though, but you seem to sway a lot more in their favour.

Bettybodybooboo · 29/01/2015 01:40

Look childcare is far more about just money!

Nursery is an easy option. You put kid there and you know there are other people around to watch and oversee. It's a tad institutionalised but as a parent you feel
Your child is safe. However you are a cog in a wheel.

Cm,, generally cheaper but the thought of leaving your child with this one person is a huge leap if faith!

But you get to trust her and her family and she knows what time your dh gets home and what time you would like the kids to go to bed! So nap times are scheduled. Cm knows granny's birthday and helps your dcs to make a card!!

Totally different care options.

Tinks42 · 29/01/2015 01:47

Thanks for that Duck. Im 52 and not sure I want to start a business around my home. Its a lovely thought though.