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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be fed up of everything revolving around my friend because she has a baby?

171 replies

bowbows · 27/01/2015 14:18

Ok I'm a terrible friend and I'm sure I'll get lots of comments saying that. But I just needed to privately rant.

I'm just getting to the point where I'm getting quite tired of things revolving around my friend because she has a baby.

Every Christmas our group of friends go out for a big meal, it's a time we always get together and I really look forward to it. This year we could not do it because apparently it would be too hard to find a family friendly restaurant.

We can only meet up on the same day of the week as a group because it suits her (regardless of what others are doing)

We had a games night (not as her house) and we were playing pictionary (wild times) and obviously you start shouting out the answers and then we got told off for being too loud as the baby was asleep.

These are just some examples.

Please go ahead and crucify me. But I do keep these thoughts to myself but I just can't help feeling quite fed up of it at this point.

OP posts:
TheRealAmandaClarke · 27/01/2015 17:54

Erm
YABU
And spiky

Yy Thurlow

notnaice · 27/01/2015 17:56

My interpretation is that the organiser has an especially close relationship with new mum and so she's the one accommodating her all the time. If so, are the other 6 friends thinking the same as you or are they happy to go along with it.
If everyone else is unhappy then don't leave all the organising to the current organiser.

ExitPursuedByABear · 27/01/2015 18:39

You know what?

I don't care.

fluffyraggies · 27/01/2015 18:58

We still haven't got to the bottom of whether she's BFing?

Or whether the woman in question did this with her last baby, or whether the OP is the only one who minds things being different in the group for a few months.

Honestly if i had a group of friends and i went on regular outings and 'traditional' dates, such as xmas meals with them, i wouldn't mind a bit that plans needed to be adapted for a while if/when there was a new baby around.

The woman is only being annoying and unreasonable if there is no good reason for her bringing baby out with her, the group on the whole is upset by her taking the baby out with her, and they have told her so but she is still doing it. This isn't the situation though. We cant find out how many of this group have the hump about the situation. OP hasn't told us why she brings the baby out. No one has said anything to the woman. Or maybe they have? Maybe someone has said bring baby out! Maybe there's stuff going on at home with her that OP knows nothing about? I don't know? Why am i still posting here?!

anothernumberone · 27/01/2015 19:05

I agree with you Hooby.
Choosing to breastfeed is fine - but it is you who has chosen to do it, not all of the people you used to go out with

Thanks for letting me know that 'choosing' to bf is fine.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 27/01/2015 20:35

choosing to bf is fine phew!
As long as it doesnt interfere with another woman's game of pictionary Grin

hoobypickypicky · 27/01/2015 23:10

No, Amanda, just as long as it doesn't affect your ability to respect other people's guests and hospitality.

BackforGood · 27/01/2015 23:22

Really anothernumberone ?

You've managed to copy and paste the whole sentence, so clearly know it is a whole sentence, but you think that being sarky by taking a part of it is clever in some way?

It's clear what was being said - you can choose to go to things that are 'baby friendly' with your baby, or you can choose to go to other things that aren't 'baby friendly', without your baby. It is just rude to try to change the whole dynamic of the group because of the choices you are making in bringing up your baby.

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 27/01/2015 23:45

I know somebody just like this. Took her baby to every event going, usually uninvited. She didn't find it funny when people stopped inviting her places

Aridane · 28/01/2015 00:11

OP, YANBU!

MagpieCursedTea · 28/01/2015 00:17

I've just read this whole thread and I still have all the questions I had at the start (that others have asked too...)
Is your friend breastfeeding?
Is anyone else in your group bothered by accommodating the baby (I know my group of friends made an effort to accommodate the first couple to have a baby and then subsequent families)
Where is her first child? Was she like this with him/her?

MagicMojito · 28/01/2015 00:50

Whilst I see point sort of you really are coming across quite mean and resentful.

SnowBells · 28/01/2015 00:57

YANBU.

You guys can meet up without her!!!

SweetsForMySweet · 28/01/2015 01:46

Got my crystal ball out: I can see a thread appearing shortly on mn.... 'Have I been wendied by my "friend", posted by a distressed poster who is a new mum and just wants to to meet up with her friends but can't find a babysitter/is not ready to leave her young dd yet to attend get togethers and her "friend" is trying to exclude her from the group gatherings because she doesn't want the baby there

Misfitless · 28/01/2015 02:08

I agree sweets!

If OP's friend-with-baby is on mn (which she will be, let's face it,) she will come across this, and she will know it's about her.

She's already knows it's neither of the two friends she went to lunch with in November, nor the friend whose house she went to to play Pictionary. It could only be you or one of four other friends out of the group of 9.

Anyhow, YANBU, OP. Is she breast feeding? I don't think you'll be the only one who feels like this, tbh. I do feel awkward for you and her, though, if she comes across this thread [bush].

PS - Looking back, I think I might have been a bit of a pain in the arse myself with my pfb - exclusively bf, very stressful time breaking up with dp...this thread takes me back....

saveyourtearsforthepillow · 28/01/2015 02:30

You know what?

I don't care.

And we are suppose to give a shit why?

Don't come on to a thread to just be a goady fucker. Your opinion is no more important than anyone elses on here.

CheerfulYank · 28/01/2015 03:28

4/5 months is still quite little.

There are a lot of variables here. Mainly, did someone ask her to this shouty Pictionary get together, and then she said "oh I can't as I'm still breastfeeding X" and then the organizer said "oh it will be fine, just bring her" because if so YABU.

But if she just insists on bringing her baby and calling the shots YANBU.

I have a friend who "feels bad" leaving her two DC with her DH for the evening to do something like dinner and a film and it's bloody annoying.

I leave my two at the drop of a hat :o

CheerfulYank · 28/01/2015 03:29

The baby is not the PFB though.

Misfitless · 28/01/2015 05:07

Saveyourtearsforthepillow was that post directed at me? Didn't think I was being a goady fucker..[confused[

Misfitless · 28/01/2015 06:15

Sorry if it wasn't, though!

PunkrockerGirl · 28/01/2015 06:21

YANBU.
She has to learn that the world doesn't revolve around her and her dc.

Surreyblah · 28/01/2015 06:28

V hard to leave a 4/5 month baby if breastfeeding. Assuming she is Your friend has basically had the choice to bring the baby or not attend things with her friends. She sounds understandably like she's tried to stay involved but hasn't handled this well. Organiser person sounds a PITA!

TheRealAmandaClarke · 28/01/2015 06:33

Nothing has been said by the OP to reasonably claim that the friend with a baby has been disrespectful of anyone's hospitality picky
The world does revolve around babies Grin
I was the last in my circle to have Dcs. Any meet up before I had my own kids was readily organised (usually by me) to suit the most "needy" of thegroup. So that might be the one with the baby who needed a spacious baby friendly restaurant, the one with the broken ankle who needed to avoid dancing or to have extra room for her foot to be popped up in a chair, the one who needed to cancel the busy pub meet up and meet in a quieter olace because she needed to talk about pesonal stuff.
Those of us without children used to still meet up for stuff, but if we all got together it was important to accommodate whoever was the most in need of.... Well, accommodating.
Its not difficult to be considerate of friends if one is thoughtful and cares about the women involved.

PunkrockerGirl · 28/01/2015 06:38

The world only revolves around some babies, Amanda Wink

TheNewStatesman · 28/01/2015 06:59

I breastfed, baby would not take a bottle and I still wouldn't have dreamed of doing the stuff the OP's friend is doing.

You can leave the baby with some EBM and have it fed with a cup/spoon/dropper. A bit slower than a bottle, but for the odd evening, morning or afternoon where you will only be away for a few hours, it is OK.

And if the event is going to require being away for longer than a few hours, then I would decline until the baby was a few months older. It's not the end of the world, and there are certain events that really should be adults only.

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