Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be fed up of everything revolving around my friend because she has a baby?

171 replies

bowbows · 27/01/2015 14:18

Ok I'm a terrible friend and I'm sure I'll get lots of comments saying that. But I just needed to privately rant.

I'm just getting to the point where I'm getting quite tired of things revolving around my friend because she has a baby.

Every Christmas our group of friends go out for a big meal, it's a time we always get together and I really look forward to it. This year we could not do it because apparently it would be too hard to find a family friendly restaurant.

We can only meet up on the same day of the week as a group because it suits her (regardless of what others are doing)

We had a games night (not as her house) and we were playing pictionary (wild times) and obviously you start shouting out the answers and then we got told off for being too loud as the baby was asleep.

These are just some examples.

Please go ahead and crucify me. But I do keep these thoughts to myself but I just can't help feeling quite fed up of it at this point.

OP posts:
Leeds2 · 27/01/2015 14:21

No real advice, but I would put my foot down at meeting up on the same day every week if it didn't suit others. Your friend should take her turn!

How old is the baby?

Jackiemagazine · 27/01/2015 14:21

Is this a reverse one?

Theboodythatrocked · 27/01/2015 14:22

Would piss me off taking her baby to an adults Christmas meal.

Why does she always bring her baby to meet ups?

Enjoyed getting away from mine! Grin

She sounds a tad of a pain.

squoosh · 27/01/2015 14:22

Is she a single mother without family who will look after her child for a few hours, is that why she has to bring the child with her everywhere?

If that is the case then cut her some slack. If that's not the case well then you don't need to dance to her tune. Arrange some nights, if she can make it great, if she can't...too bad.

Thurlow · 27/01/2015 14:23

OK. On the one hand, YANBU to find it difficult to deal with the changes to your relationship with your friend. Most people do at different points.

On the other hand... Does anyone else in your group have young children? Do you have any experience with babies?

People don't always have babysitters. Some babies get disturbed by loud noises when they are asleep.

You're probably going to get flamed so I'm going to try to be nice at the start of the thread but - children change people's lives. You know that, don't you?

Original poster
bowbows · 27/01/2015 14:24

No not a reverse.

She has a partner, and they have both sets of parents that live nearby.

OP posts:
PenguinsandtheTantrumofDoom · 27/01/2015 14:24

I think it depends how old the baby is and whether she's a single parent.

Are you about to tell us all she's 6 weeks old and has been a lone parent all pregnancy? That's rather different to a 10 month old with a supportive partner?

LadyLuck10 · 27/01/2015 14:24

YAnbu, why did yourll cancel it because of one person? Once you start pandering to this it gets harder to stop. In our group if the majority can make it then the plans go ahead. Your friend was ur if she invited yourll over and expected yourll to practically whisper.

PenguinsandtheTantrumofDoom · 27/01/2015 14:24

Oh, cross post. How old's the baby?

squoosh · 27/01/2015 14:25

I don't know why she'd take a baby along to a meet up of adult friends when the baby's father is at home and could look after him/her.

Original poster
bowbows · 27/01/2015 14:25

Some babies get disturbed by loud noises when they are asleep.

That's why I wouldn't bring my child to a games night where there would be shouting and they would be sleeping.

OP posts:
Thurlow · 27/01/2015 14:25

There's a degree of stopping pandering to her because she wants to do things on X night or go to Y restaurant. Just because she's the only one with a baby doesn't mean that everyone's life has to change.

But equally, hers isn't going to stay the same.

wishmiplass · 27/01/2015 14:26

YANBU - she had a baby, not you and the group collectively.

However, I agree with squoosh. If she has a limited support network, you need to cut her some slack (and possibly give her some extra support like a good friend would).

BOFster · 27/01/2015 14:27

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all.

Iggly · 27/01/2015 14:28

Do you have children?

Maybe her baby is difficult. Maybe she is finding it hard. Too many possibilities.

Noodledoodledoo · 27/01/2015 14:30

In my group of friends we always used to do a Christmas get together but it started to get really difficult to get a date everyone could do in the evening due to babies appearing and then restuarants caused issues as trying to find one to suit all children and for the growing size of the group got trickier and tricker.

We now have a big picnic once a year - children can have the food they like, parents aren't worried about children's behaviour in a restuarant and everyone gets a chance to catch up in a relaxed way.

squoosh · 27/01/2015 14:31

But if only one member of a group has a child seems a bit silly to do away with the nice boozy Christmas meal that everyone enjoys.

Cobain · 27/01/2015 14:33

Going through these stages within friendship groups when pregnancies and births it's important to have adult occasions and family occasions. If this means that get togethers are smaller then that is what happens or the group splinters anyway with resentment.

PenguinsandtheTantrumofDoom · 27/01/2015 14:33

Did anyone suggest doing the meal as normal without her? If not, why not?

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 27/01/2015 14:34

Is she breastfeeding and therefore would struggle to get away without the baby?

To be honest I would ask people to keep the noise down if they were shouting at pictionary and my baby was asleep. It's not mandatory to shout out the answers loudly and wouldn't ruin the game if you didn't.

Regarding the Christmas meal, it seems a bit ridiculous as plenty of places are family friendly. It it was me I would have told the rest of the group to go regardless. The same with the weekly get togethers, she should just come to the ones she can make and not the others. I would never expect anyone else to not do something because of me.

I think some of our friends (all childless) might get annoyed that our baby has changed our life, but to be honest that's what we do. We always ask to host get togethers at ours as we don't have any support nearby to babysit and if we paid a babysitter we wouldn't be able to afford food or drinks while out!

wishmiplass · 27/01/2015 14:36

Noodle - you're talking about a whole group change of dynamic though.

Op - you need to speak with friend if it's getting you down.

QueenofallIsee · 27/01/2015 14:36

YANBU OP, but you are also perhaps not seeing her point of view either...you read any of those threads about new Mums being phased out of things and hurting that their friends don't seem to value them anymore? that's the flip side of your frustration - in between everything now being 'baby baby baby' and everything staying the same is the right answer. It is also not just the baby Mums fault - I assume that your group are going along with it!

squoosh · 27/01/2015 14:36

GotToBeInItToWinIt I'd have told her it was a bit of a silly idea to bring her baby to a Pictionary get together and expect peace and quiet. In my experience pictionary is always LOUD.

WorkingBling · 27/01/2015 14:37

I don't understand why she brings the baby to the Christmas meal? I go out with a group of women for a meal three times a year. We all have children. None of us bring the children. That's kind of the point.

YABU to not be sensitive overall, but there is nothing more annoying than one of those women who won't be parted from their baby for more than 30 seconds. Especially as the child gets a bit older.

Original poster
bowbows · 27/01/2015 14:37

To be honest I would ask people to keep the noise down if they were shouting at pictionary and my baby was asleep. It's not mandatory to shout out the answers loudly and wouldn't ruin the game if you didn't.

And I personally think that's selfish of you.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread