To feel pissed off that that I am also grounded?!

[nottonightjoesphine]

My DD 7 had a meltdown last night over wanting more tv than agreed. She ended jo having to be manhandled to bed (think hanging onto door frames, walls - you name it.)
She isn't usually like that but she can be very cheeky and is answering back a lot recently. She spent a good 30 monitors at the top of the stairs screaming her lungs out after that.

I decided to ground her today. I have never done this before and regret it already. We are very outdoorsy and like to be on the go all the time. The sun is shining and I resent so much having to sit in all day to make a point to her! My mum tells me I'm not consistent enough so perhaps she's right. DD has apologised and is crying so much today. I feel terrible.

I am a single parent and work all week so am desperate to get out. It's not about me though is it?

WWYD?

Zoe re: the toy, I think most people would have reacted exactly the same and not applied a sanction in that instance.

The fact he had to admit taking it to his teacher and now has his bag searched each day is, in fact, the 'punishment'. As you say, it's often semantics. I'd think badly of someone who applied a punishment/sanction on top of that, The child has effectively been 'punished' enough (potential embarrassment admitting what he did to the teacher, perceived invasion of privacy, perceived assumption that he will take something else).

I'm not sure, fight - I have a suspicion that a number of the posters on this thread would have added an extra, arbitrary sanction. There is almost always a natural consequence to bad behaviour, which is why 'punishing' in an arbitrary way is so alien to me. For instance, somebody upthread asked what 'no punishers' would do if a child refused to go to school. For a start, the very question is a bit odd to me. My kids are socialised to go to school, as most kids are. The idea of refusing to go just wouldnt occur to them! If they drag their heels getting ready, my standard is to remind them that they will have to explain to their teacher why they are late. Though almost always, the fault is mine for not getting us organised enough to get out of the door at a reasonable time. At 4 and nearly 7, they are very little still, and my take is that i should allow for shoes/coat etc taking a bit of faffing. If they actively refused to go to school, I'd be very seriously worried and my tack would be to get to the bottom of what the problem was. I can't imagine a single situation in which I'd 'punish' (taking screen time or toys or suchlike away) for 'refusing' to go to school.

zoe- I have yet to find a situation which I would consider punishment. Like you I use other methods of illiciting desirable behaviour.

only grounded for a day?! The first time my parents grounded me was for a week, and it fell into a week I was due to go camping, so they pulled me out of the camping trip! Second time it was a month, I was so scared of the prospect of the idea the next step might be a year that I was the picture of good behaviour from then on O.o

In fact, there was a horrifying thread a while back in which a teenager was school refusing, and some posters suggested effectively starving her out of her room. In fact, as should have been obvious, there were serious underlying reasons for her school refusal. Normal kids don't just suddenly refuse school for no reason.

I think the gulf between punishing and non punishing parents is wider than just semantics, actually. It is to do with different visions of human nature. To me, kids are basically good, enthusiastic and obedient in the right circumstances. When they arent, I question my parenting and the situation as much as the child's behaviour. That isn't to say that kids always behave well, but I don't think arbitrary punishments are very effective in the ultimate goal of getting kids to internalise norms of good behaviour. Not to say that I'm not tempted sometimes, though!

zoe- I too think it is greater than semantics.

My cousin's kids are poster children for the 'french children dont throw food' school of parenting. They wouldn't dare openly misbehave because they are terrified of their parents, so to all outward appearances they are delightful, happy children. But look a bit closer, and they are sneaky, underhand and ruthless in their quest to evade the iron discipline they have been brought up under. As a result, they aren't nice kids to be with, sadly. Having been brought up with many kids subject to similar regimes, I know that that isn't at all an unusual result.