To feel pissed off that that I am also grounded?!

[nottonightjoesphine]

My DD 7 had a meltdown last night over wanting more tv than agreed. She ended jo having to be manhandled to bed (think hanging onto door frames, walls - you name it.)
She isn't usually like that but she can be very cheeky and is answering back a lot recently. She spent a good 30 monitors at the top of the stairs screaming her lungs out after that.

I decided to ground her today. I have never done this before and regret it already. We are very outdoorsy and like to be on the go all the time. The sun is shining and I resent so much having to sit in all day to make a point to her! My mum tells me I'm not consistent enough so perhaps she's right. DD has apologised and is crying so much today. I feel terrible.

I am a single parent and work all week so am desperate to get out. It's not about me though is it?

WWYD?

Intrigued by the assumptions that punishment/not capitulating somehow works. If it did, I suppose you'd never punish for the same 'crime' twice.

Downsides to punishments include - child focusing on unfairness of sanction, rather than changing their behaviour; child sucking up enforced punishment because they have to, but without understanding/appreciating that their behaviour was inappropriate; child altering future behaviour to avoid detection.

I think that the main objective is that children understand why their actions were inappropriate/how they can manage a situation differently next time.

I agree with what Tensions has suggested but I would go out for a walk this afternoon to do it. I'd pick somewhere really boring, not a park, and have the chat because it is far less likely to get heated and tantrumy somewhere neutral.

Bigblue so you are one of those parents.

I get it you don't punish you have high expectations and a 7 yr old tantrum is somewhat diffent from an elderly person and a dog or have I really missed something???

Well I wouldn't keep animals so the question of whether I'd punish a dog scarcely arises. I wouldn't punish an adult because I'm not responsible for their beahviour or understanding of how they affect others.

I get your dog question is attempting to get all Socratic on my arse, but I have different expectations of children and animals, not least because one set speak perfectly well and are fully able to understand the nature of their punishment, the sequence of events leading to their punishment and how this scenario can be avoided in the future. If I was in the habit if keeping domesticated animals, I would be very surprised if they demonstrated similar capacity.

fascicle- exactly. Some people just don't get it though.

Send her to her room until she stops the strop. Put on some music and dance like crazy round the sitting room and out into the garden just to get rid of some energy. Is the garden big enough for you to throw a ball for the dog?

Stick to the punishment. Speak to her levelly and firmly without shouting. It's very hard but if you don't, life will just get a whole lot worse and you will have a very spoilt child who always expects her own way.

Ladyluck- I have no idea what you mean by that comment.

Bigbluestars I think I 'know' you. If you are the one who gave your 2 yr old a gentle chat about anger management after he battered my son over the head with a toy car...

I don't have children who hit.

Bigblue - Martha explains it.

Big blue what do you do when

1. Child refuses to tidy their room

or

1. Slaps their sibling

if they don't have a sibling or a room, be hypothetical

My sister doesn't punish. Her child is a little shit.

Bigstars I have problems with your 1 liners as well.

Why don't you just say how you would have handled it differently , so that the O p can consider it for future use ,rather than making 1 line smart arse comments which fail to help anyone ( apart from your ego possibly)

Everyone- I'm at the lunch, without her. I feel terrible having left her covered in snot and tears, pressing more and more love notes into my hand, coat pocket, handbag, pillow- you name it. I did the right thing though, didn't I?

I am reluctant to describe my ways as I encountering such abuse here. No doubt what I say will be ripped apart too.
If you have never heard of parenting without punishment then do your own research.

I am sure you don't blue. Neither did the mother of said child. (who has now grown up to be a self entitled bully. )

I am not an overly liberal parent martha- I think you are mistaking me for one.

Absolutely did the right thing!

You are encountering abuse as you made a flippant comment without backing it up.....you set yourself up for abuse as you didn't make yourself clear. If your method works then I fail to see why you can't share it - you seem proud of it .

No do share. We really are intrigued. Otherwise why post here in the first place?

OP well done. You have done the right thing. Enjoy your lunch

It was fine to leave her nottonight.

For those who say not punishing is wrong, my sister over punished imo. Everything her DS1 did wrong was punished, nothing was overlooked. He was expelled from 3 schools and has been in trouble with the police.

OP yes you did the right thing IMo enjoy the lunch and keep the notes for when she is 18 ......

It wasn't a flippant comment- it was just a comment that it is possible to parent without punishing. And yes I am now reluctant to share because of the hostility.

Go google if you are interested.

Josephine enjoy lunch. Prepare yourself for a serious chat with her when you get home emphasising again why she was grounded and telling her that next time it will be exactly the same. Tell her you do not see why you should stay in because of her bad behaviour. If her room is a tip, get her to tidy it under your gimlet gaze. Tell her that the love notes did not work because it would only encourage to behave badly in the future in the hope of getting away with it.