To feel pissed off that that I am also grounded?!

[nottonightjoesphine]

My DD 7 had a meltdown last night over wanting more tv than agreed. She ended jo having to be manhandled to bed (think hanging onto door frames, walls - you name it.)
She isn't usually like that but she can be very cheeky and is answering back a lot recently. She spent a good 30 monitors at the top of the stairs screaming her lungs out after that.

I decided to ground her today. I have never done this before and regret it already. We are very outdoorsy and like to be on the go all the time. The sun is shining and I resent so much having to sit in all day to make a point to her! My mum tells me I'm not consistent enough so perhaps she's right. DD has apologised and is crying so much today. I feel terrible.

I am a single parent and work all week so am desperate to get out. It's not about me though is it?

WWYD?

I would have just taken her out today.

I wouldn't get all het up about her watching the tv in the first place though.There's a lot to be said for picking your battles and not constantly saying no.

Yes, I agree with LaQueen on the bedtime. We have suffered this weekend due to slackness on this but we're responsible not him.

Just goes to show that when sanctioning a punishment, make sure it's one that will fit in with you too. Short and sharp is always better.

Golden- it's not a case of 'staying up late without screen time'. I decided that a 9.30pm bedtime was suffice. Perhaps I've worded it badly on here to say we have no bedtimes at weekends- what I mean is that I don't stick rigidly to her usual 8pm bedtime and we will play it cool- more often than not she falls asleep snuggled up next to me. If she shows no signs of getting sleepy I usually intervene and issue a definitive bedtime with plenty of notice to finish whah she might happen to be doing. What happened last night is that the film she was watching wasn't going to be finished at the bedtime i issued, so she had a paddy. She never does this normally because she has the sense to know it's way past her usual bedtime and is already onto a 'good thing' so to speak. For some reason, her usual common sense went out the window and she flipped her lid. I don't mind complaining about bedtimes- it's what kids do. What I mind is having a monumental meltdown and having to be restrained.

Be a mother first and a best friend second

That being said, I do agree my boundaries aren't clear enough for her and the slackness at weekends needs sorting!

Yeah, I hear you debriana. Perhaps the bedtime thing is more about me than her. I dunno though. My mum and dad were pretty chilled about bedtimes at weekends and we survived. I don't then they were trying to me our mates (heck there's 5 of us!). I might have just slipped into something I was raised with.

Grounding a child means they can't go out with their mates. I'm not sure how you can make it work with a 7 year old.

Well she has a playdate this week at the friends house. I have said she can earn this back. Thought that taking that away as wellmight be a too much on top of the other stuff

OP - just wondering, did you agree that she could watch the film? Or was the bedtime agreed before you put it on? She might have been pretty tired, which isn't excusing or changing anything, but might be a reason for her extreme reaction last night.

zoe How old are your kids? I am sure you don't mean it to, but your post comes over as a little smug tbh.

Did she stay up Friday night as well? I can see why her common sense went out the window because she was an overtired 7 year old, that was probably irrational as a result and therefore did not apply 'any' common sense to you not letting her finish watching a film. The common sense might have prevailed at 3 in the afternoon if you stopped the film but not when she was overtired.

I agree that you don't want her to behave as she did but to me prevention is better than 'Cure'. I do appreciate this scenario as I've been in it myself this weekend- my DS took himself to bed though, with an air of stroppiness but this was more like 10pm. My DS normally falls to sleep but he didn't last night and there was nothing appropriate on and it was just too late. I blame us entirely!

You can't keep on punishing her for one thing though.

Tomorrow is a new day. Start again after a nice chat and cuddle.

I don't think grounding today and banning TV/technology for a week is an appropriate punishment for a tantrum. I think it is too much.

I agree with Usual, there is a lot to be said about picking your battles.

All children are different and one way doesn't fit all, not even in the same family. When DS1 was 7 he coped with a late night at the weekend, and it had no effect whatsoever on him. DS2 on the other hand couldn't. Even now, he knows his limits, he tires very, very easily and it is not uncommon for him to take himself off to bed at 9pm at least once a week. DS1 can go to bed at 11 and get up at 5am with no problem.

Yeah she did stay up late Friday too but she sleeps in you see, always has 10 hours no matter what. Not saying this makes it ok- but just trying to explain that she had her usual quota if you know what I mean

You can't keep punishing her for one thing though

I completely agree.

I'd have gone out but made sure it was somewhere that you wanted to go and for you not her.

Maybe a better punishment if such a thing occurs again would be early to be the next night. You could take away her no bedtime/relaxed bedtime on the weekend until she earns it back by behaving well.

I do sympathise though! I have shot myself in the foot with that one before!

I can see why you'd think it was ok then as my DS will sleep in but not enough to compensate. Depends on lots of different factors though, how school has been over the week, my DS walks a lot for the school run and on Friday even more so - about 5 miles as Dh needed the car. My DH has been studying as well as working for about 3 months now where the children have barely seen him, it's been difficult for my 7 year old not as much my 3 year old who takes herself to bed at 7! My DH had his final exam on Friday and I said DS could wait up for him as he just has missed him. Anyway, I had good intentions but Saturday night we paid for it a bit!

I often make my children choose their own punishment. If I don't think it is harsh enough, then I will extend their chosen punishment, or overrule.

They are often harder in their punishments than I am.

I also never make a threat that I will not carry through on (and they know it)

Todays grounding was as a punishment for her behaviour yesterday. So it ends today. Please dont drag it out day after day. Tomorrow start afresh.

You absoloutley did the right thing. I try hard to make sure any sanctions I give I am certain I can and will follow through on. It is hard sometimes, especially if it is "of you do that again I will take you home" - and they do it again. I might not want to go home but I bloody well will.

"i'd say that BigBlue cannot answer how s/he deals without punishing as s/he is obviously not confident that it is the right way to go."

Really? You may like to ask my 18 year old about that. Or his teenage sister- neither have ever been punished.