To feel pissed off that that I am also grounded?!

[nottonightjoesphine]

My DD 7 had a meltdown last night over wanting more tv than agreed. She ended jo having to be manhandled to bed (think hanging onto door frames, walls - you name it.)
She isn't usually like that but she can be very cheeky and is answering back a lot recently. She spent a good 30 monitors at the top of the stairs screaming her lungs out after that.

I decided to ground her today. I have never done this before and regret it already. We are very outdoorsy and like to be on the go all the time. The sun is shining and I resent so much having to sit in all day to make a point to her! My mum tells me I'm not consistent enough so perhaps she's right. DD has apologised and is crying so much today. I feel terrible.

I am a single parent and work all week so am desperate to get out. It's not about me though is it?

WWYD?

Cross posts with Carabos! So it's not too awful of me to get a sitter? My nephew might be up for a cheeky tenner!

Get a sitter in. But tell them not to cave! My mum used to drag us along to things if we were grounded with strict instructions to sit still and be quiet or the punishment would be extended

Texting nephew now

I can sense that you're caving in.

If it's any consolidation I would be accepting the lunch invite.

I've changed punishments when I've realised that the one I've issued is overly harsh or unsuitable. As long as you don't do it all the time I don't think it matters if once in a while you say sorry, I got that wrong. My kids are (mostly) lovely so doesn't seem to have done much harm. It's BONKERS that you can't go out for lunch when your relative invited you!

I avoid punishment wherever possible and when I do use it then it would be proportional and relevant to the misbehaviour in question. So personally I think banning technology would be plenty punishment enough.

Wrt the situation you're in now I would call her down from her room and speak about you've both had a rubbish morning so far because of what happened last night, her behaviour has made both of you unhappy etc etc. That the punishment re technology still stands but if she can help you tidy up/some other chore then you will go out for a bit this afternoon. Keep the afternoon low key, don't do as much as you would normally do, but try and end the weekend on a positive note. Starting the week after a crap Sunday is miserable!

Definitely make sitter aware of the restrictions and be prepared to cut your lunch short of she carries on!

stick to your guns.
she needs to learn.

Was this a punishment she knew was coming?
Perhaps another day you need to come up with some ground rules and the sanctions relevant to them. Ie Spending longer than agreed on screen time means she loses the same amount of time she was over on the following days. A separate sanction can be agreed for tantrumming after being asked to stop doing something.

If my dad wanted us to get off the computer and we said just 10 more minutes as we were in the middle of something he would come and switch it off at the plug, leading to lots of unnecessary shouting and screaming (imagine how annoyed you would be if you were in the middle of creating a spreadsheet and your child came and switched it off.) Perhaps it would be better if you had a count down and maybe a timer or alarm set so she knew she had 10/5 minutes left. We all know how involved we can get in technology and how time just disappears.

Don't back down.

I'd totally get a babysitter...I've swapped a grounded one of mine for my nephew before so that we could go out and the grounded DC didn't get to. (As in we took out my nephew and my sister stayed with mine)

The other thing I'm wondering, as you say you're very 'outdoorsy' is whether she's getting enough down time at the weekend? Tantrumming is often a sign of tiredness IME and it's possible she's getting a bit overstimulated after a week at school which is also tiring. I alsodont think it hurts for kids to be bored sometimes and not be entertained with outings and fun stuff all the time. Just a thought.

No I'm not caving, just feeling slight sense of relief that it's ok to break out of my jail for a while. I'm finding it hard to look at her though! Aww man, that face!

No she didn't know the sanctions were coming - she was put (lifted!) to bed last night and I thought carefully overnight about the sanctions. Obviously not carefully enough though. Yeah I agree she was tired- it was already past bedtime, we don't really do bedtimes at weekends, we have a pretty relaxed house at weekends and she is always cool with that. Not last night though!

She's currently howling all over the house

I've been reading "1-2-3 Magic" this week (MN most recommended discipline book) and one thing that struck me in the examples was children being disciplined for complaining. Essentially they take it for granted that "howling all over the house" is in itself bad behaviour that should be punished.

Get someone to babysit her and go out for a bit to the lunch. You have to be firm and follow through. Naughty behaviour needs to be disciplined. She will remember the consequences very well the next time! Go for a little while to the lunch, being her back something and have a chat about it when you get back.

Perhaps time to get into more of a routine then?

My dc isn't an absolute nightmare when they come back from their fathers house on a Sunday after a weekend there as he also has no routine. They've been home since Christmas and have been amazingly behaved. Weekend bedtime here is 830 for junior school aged child

Firstly, you have issued a bizarre punishment/consequence - a day of staying in for watching too much telly?! If you had to ban something, wouldn't something along the lines of no/reduced tv be more logical? As it is, you've withdrawn healthy outdoor pursuits (unrelated to your daughter's behaviour) for the both of you.

I disagree with the sticking to your guns/not backing down advice. I think it's good for children to know that their parents are human, and can change their mind. In your position, I would talk to your daughter so that she understands why you weren't happy with her behaviour, and consider swapping to a screen related sanction so that you both get to go out.

My DD tries the whining after punishment, she shuts up soon enough when the threat of punishment extension comes out.

Seems laqueen and i subscribe to the same school of parenting easy life comes off the back of hard work!

fasicle I read the punishment is for hanging off the walls and being an absolute horror last night

Yes, ridiculous, bad summing up on my part.

You absolutely must stick to the punishment. It's worth it in the long run. My standard punishment for my DCs was warning, last warning, no tech for a day, no tech for a week. It worked brilliantly. I never had to do the no tech for a week because I was so consistant with the no tech for a day. They knew I would follow through on the no tech for a week rule. I wasn't cross or moody with them once I had issued the punishment though. I don't like having an atmosphere in the house. I would harp on about why reinforce why they were being punished but would keep it as a seperate thing.

You have to fit the punishment to the kids. My kids loved their tech so I could control them through threat of it being removed.

I did let my DC earn back punishments. My DH would occasionally issue a ridiculous punishments which would have been impractical to enforce. I would explain to the kids that they could earn the punishment back and asked them to suggest things to do in return. It was an acceptable way to back down.

I remember telling off one of my older DC (maybe aged 12'ish) when she kept me waiting in the car while she was at a party. I did it in front of her friends who were shocked to see me cross. Since then I never have to wait for my kids when I go and pick them up. They are adults now and they are always punctual. I tell them. I love them for it