To feel pissed off that that I am also grounded?!

[nottonightjoesphine]

My DD 7 had a meltdown last night over wanting more tv than agreed. She ended jo having to be manhandled to bed (think hanging onto door frames, walls - you name it.)
She isn't usually like that but she can be very cheeky and is answering back a lot recently. She spent a good 30 monitors at the top of the stairs screaming her lungs out after that.

I decided to ground her today. I have never done this before and regret it already. We are very outdoorsy and like to be on the go all the time. The sun is shining and I resent so much having to sit in all day to make a point to her! My mum tells me I'm not consistent enough so perhaps she's right. DD has apologised and is crying so much today. I feel terrible.

I am a single parent and work all week so am desperate to get out. It's not about me though is it?

WWYD?

I'm of the philosophy that she has the right to be upset about a sanction being issued. I've taught her that anger is a healthy emotion as long as it's expressed in a way that isn't upsetting or harmful to others. So to that end, howling all over the house isn't the right way to do it as it hurts my ears and so she must do it in her room lol

She's currently howling all over the house

Even more reason to stick with it .

If you give in now you are back to square one, and things will only get worse.

If you can hold out I'm sure you will see an improvement, and find that a quiet reminder of this occasion will be enough,

I got to the point that a look was enough , what my DD's affectionately call
' The evil eye' ( even now ) , they are both 30 ish

PS The day is half over, nearly there!!!!

I've not punished her for arguing about screen time. It was for hanging off walls, bunk beds, everything to prevent being put upstairs. She then proceeded to scream really loudly upstairs about how sorry she was - but was screaming to the point that k was worried about my neighbours. She hasn't had a meltdown like that since toddlerhood

Yes to babysitter
Yes to carrying out the punishment

Like mrsminver I have occasionally retracted an overly harsh punishment when I've overreacted due to the stress of the situation. I have always replaced it with a lesser, more considered sanction instead though.

Once your daughter realises that you will actually follow through with sanctions then she may respond better to the threat of it. It sounds like a good idea to have consequences these laid out in advance so that (a) daughter is aware of what's coming and (b) you don't give a knee-jerk sanction like I have in the past

I am wondering if I was too harsh. Thing is....I always tear myself up like this and am so full of doubt. It was pretty bad behaviour though and I feel like she is now manipulating me.

Nephew doesn't want to babysit as now has girlfriend. Hmmmmph

You weren't harsh. She was horrendous.

Even if you were harsh it will do her good to show you will not break down and you are going to see things through

It is absolute rubbish that you must stick to a punishment. We didn't always, our kids are 18&20, they knew their boundaries, DS1 has never had a screaming tantrum, I have never had a shouting "typical teen" row with them.

It is perfectly fine for the OP to say that they are going out for the afternoon but she is not backing down on the no TV/technology punishment for the week. If she goes out for the lunch and promises that her DD can watch a DVD later she is backing down on part of the punishment.

I am a firm believer that if you get a punishment wrong, not saying she has in this case, that you should admit it and apologise to your DC.

Sorry to hear you can't get a babysitter

I would carry out today's sanction and then give her the chance to 'earn' back her technology during the week. if she is well behaved then you could 'allow' a certain amount of time on the computer/whatever. Not as much as she would have had if the sanction was not in place but enough to make it feel like she is now being rewarded for positive behaviour.

If you cave now you're in for a world of pain.

I agree.. see out today and have a chat about earning back her screen time.

Thanks everyone.

Niece has offered for £15

Kids!

Of course you weren't too harsh. Frankly, it sounds like she behaved like a little madam, and is continuing that today. Some consequences won't do her any harm at all.

Get a babysitter and go!

Sorry just saw update- you weren't too harsh

I have grounded mine for verious readons with no playdate, no ipad, no tv, etc and it always works but I agree it is very hard to inforce. Sometimes I told them they can earn days back with good behavior or add days for bad one. Children learn quickly it is true and even more quickly they learn to read and play you. Stick to your guns and go out. Enjoy.

Personally (and I'm probably Harsh McChildabuser), good behavior wouldn't earn anything back - that's the basic expectation. There are chores that need to be done around here - not your daily ones, either - if you want to earn stuff back.

The windows could do with being washed, there are presses to be cleaned out, all sorts if things.

I don't punish. There are other ways of parenting.

WEll bigbluestars good for you a very helpful comment to make on this thread........

bigbluestars Sun 25-Jan-15 12:54:52
I don't punish. There are other ways of parenting.

Fancy sharing?
I punish by removing things they like doing - ie computer time

I think you've had plenty of advice about what's happened and seeing through the punishment. What I'd suggest is sitting down later when everything's calmed down & have a 'family meeting'. Give each other the chance to air both sides & then agree consequences to any behaviour that's recurring or more problematic - let her pick something for you too, to balance it up as being fair to both (this is the point when my DD told me that having a long lie wasn't allowed if I'd been up too late the night before so effectively telling me Id get no slack if my tiredness is my own fault IYSWIM - which was a fair point!).

Make sure you pick consequences that will have an impact, and not things she can easily shrug off. One my DD hates is the longer past her bedtime she's up, she loses the equivalent amount of time the next night I.e. she goes to bed 30 mins earlier of she's 30 mins late etc. losing screen time/tv time/outdoor time etc. in set amounts, increasing each time it happens. Schedule another family meeting to revise this if it doesn't work/has no effect & then change the punishment to something that will impact & explain why this is changing.

I think it helps to have pre-determined consequences so you don't feel you need to go in hard/heavy & end up punishing you as well, as has happened here. Hope it all works out.

I punish because I notice, in the Venn diagram of children's beahviour, there's a heavy overlap between "parents don't punish" and "behaves like a little savage".

Apocalypse so very true!

I don't have savage children. I have high expectations of behaviour.

apocalypse- would you punish a dog? Your OH? An elderly relative?

there is always one...as if a child learning about how to live in a society/community having no reference but their parent is comparable to an elderly relative. If you think so, I pity your rellies, mine would give me a short shrift.