To have a messy house, be unorganised, meal plans fail etc and I'm a SAHM

[Totallyuseless31]

I'm a stay at home mum to a toddler and a school age child. I drop dh at work every morning, then DD1 to school then I have basically 9-3 with my toddler. I pick DD1 up from school at 3.30 and DH up from work at 6. I can never get dinner ready for when we come in so DDs get overtired and go to bed late as dinner is late. My house is a tip and could do with a good clean. DH works overtime every weekend as the pay is double and is more than my full time earning power in his 2 days overtime. I do sell a lot of bits and bobs on eBay in the evenings so need to visit the post office most days. I currently do not take DD1 to any toddler groups and this is something I would like to start, as well as having a clean house (it will never be completely tidy lol) and meals that are home cooked and ready for when we come home in the evenings. But I just cannot seem to do this! I do not seem to have the motivation or organisation required. How do I achieve this? Surely 9-3 is enough time to get everything done? Plus I have weekends on my own which I could utilise. I know a full time working mum who runs a better home than me and she is single as well with ex having no access and she has no family help. What am I doing wrong? I need help to become organised!

Don't feel bad about the naps. You get no medals for being exhausted but putting dinner on the table. I napped every day when I was on maternity leave and I feel no shame.

What you could do is maybe use your time better - is there a toddler group near the post office, so you could do your posting on the way there or back? Could you out stuff together for dinner while toddler is eating lunch, then stick it in the slow cooker or oven while you rest in the afternoon? Think about how you can 'bunch' jobs together to make your use of time more efficient and still leave time for Internet and naps (two things I needed when I was at home too!)

Thank you so much for so many replies everyone, I have read them all and have got some good ideas. I think using the slow cooker should be my priority, and taking toddler somewhere most days. And most of all no internet. I need to try and give up the nap too but that will be tough.....

I'm going to be blunt.

I think you need to do more with your toddler.

Don't get me wrong, I understand completely how it feels to be exhausted and depressed and just not have the time or energy to play/interact with toddler.

But I really think you must get her out of the house to do something if you're not able to interact at home.

I have always been utterly crap at entertaining my DC at home (bar painting and baking, which was over and done with in 20 mins) so always, always took them out because otherwise I knew I'd sit at home ignoring them and mumsnetting.

What kind of activities are there in your area that you could do with her?

I think you need to find something for you. And your toddldr.
Can you meet a friend / family member for coffee once a week? What about a soft play session or going to a children's centre session. You clearly want to make a change but so it slowly and one thing a day. How old is your toddler? And how's does she settle at night times? Don't be hard on your self. You achieve a school run and feed your children!! 2 positives to help you!

Yes husband has to work overtime, i looked into him giving it up and me working full time but childcare would wipe my wages out. I also depend on the eBay money to buy clothes, toys etc for the girls

I think sometimes you have to assign yourself designated time zones during the day as a sahm, otherwise the hours seem to blur into nothing. Have you ever thought of giving yourself a more strict routine? Treat every thing like an appointment.

9/9:20 put the kettle on and look in the fridge to check you have all the things you need for evening meal, if not pick up at the shops while at the post office. Also, make an actual list of what jobs you want to complete that day, and cross them off as you do so.

9:20/10:30 post office trip, walk through the park and the little one plays on the swings etc.

10:30/11 put washing on and clean the kitchen.

Etc etc, account for every 30 minutes unit of time during your day. That doesn't mean you can't have a nap or sit down and mumsnet, just try to account for that in your daily schedule. I hope I haven't come across as patronising, I'm a great procrastinator and what helps me is thinking of it as a working day with working hours.

It's the depression. It causes a cycle where you can't face housework and then feel worse because the house is a mess and you feel like you don't know where to start. I've been there. It's awful.

The thing that made the most difference to me was going for a walk every day. It seemed to lift my mood, even if I was exhausted. Most of us don't get much exercise or outdoor time when the kids are little, but it's so important for our well being.

I hope things get better for you soon.

Its not real adult interaction though is it? Try and get out. Mood will lift and sleep deprivation does get easier I promise!

Do you have any gymnastics centres near you? They often have free play, pay as you go sessions for toddlers where you could get her to run off some steam and exercise despite the miserable weather.

I'm not sure I'd recommend a toddler group myself, I found them pretty depressing, but it's horses for courses I guess..

You aren't free 9-3 OP, at most you are free 9-1 because of the napping, which I completely understand.

Does DH ever deal with the toddler waking?

Also advertise set posting days on eBay. Tues, Thurs , Saturdays. Then you don't feel committed to post every day.

Meal plan and cok in batch. I know what its like collecting DP from work. Bloody hard to get meal on too. Slow cooker is ideal or cook in bulk and warm.

Try and get out with toddler more. She will hopefully get tired out and sleep get better.

Things like washing stick on before you leave so you can hang out on return from school run.

Tbh You sound depressed, see your GP. Or at least exhausted. Ignore all the negative comments. It is time to do something about it, otherwise you wouldn't be asking us on MN.
I always feel like you do when I'm home and not working so for me being at work is the answer. It sets up a routine for me. When I'm being a SAHM it makes me feel tired and lethargic and I also nap in the afternoons and can't be bothered to cook or clean etc for some reason. When I'm busy at work I am much more organised and plan meals etc and get into the flow of things.

So I get it, I understand.

You won't have the motivation, energy, or time (because of the nap) to get more organised until you get more sleep at night. You need to sleep train your toddler - tough love for all your sakes.

I really feel as well that more stimulation for your toddler will ease the night waking. Toddler groups, mixing with other children, park trips etc.

I can't believe people like arlagirl and broody come on here just to be negative. What use is that to the OP? Shame on them!
OP good luck, especially with the sleep!

Baby steps, just do what you can for now and take things at your own pace and don't do what you think you should be doing. Being tired all the time is very urm tiring.

Can I suggest something that works for me?

I too am prone to sit in a guddle and do little while I Internet becaus RI just cannot face starting. But this WORKS.

Write a list. Go through every room and itemise what needs doing (clear sideboard, clean toilet, Hoover floor, put toys away - break it down to that level.) then add the other things you need to do - prep dinner, out dinner in oven, get shopping etc.

And tick each thing off as you do it. I find it amazingly motivating when I break things down to individual tasks and I see them getting done and ticked off the list. It helps me feel like I am achieving something even before I can see the impact on the house.

Whatever you do though do not look at the list and think you need to do it all in one day. Just make progress on it.

It really helps me to approach things that way. I do it at work and at home and somehow I just about hold it together!

YOU HAVE TO SORT OUT THE TODDLER'S SLEEPING. Anything else is a sticking plaster.

How old is DD2 op? When will her free hours start? You may be eligible for hours from age 2 if you're in receipt of some benefits..

Personally I would ask your husband to stick a 2 week holiday in and in that time have a massive declutter and work on getting the bairn to sleep better. You can't last on that much broken sleep, it'll make you ill.

In the meantime ask your husband prepare a meal to stuck in the slow cooker on an evening and you chuck it in the pot in the morning so it's ready for when you want it. Or set things out on trays and pans before you go for your afternoon sleep ready to switch on.

I remember feeling a bit like that with 2 preschoolers in the house. You might find by going to a group your house gets less messy, you have adult interaction and dc2 will be more tired? If shy go to one that has a "doing" element - library/tumble tots/messy play - church halls full of cliques are no fun, believe me!

I would limit time on mn to 2 15min slots a day and don't put the tv on until you want to prep dinner. That way it is a novelty and there's more chance of it working as a babysitter!

How old is your toddler?

Oh and how old is the toddler? I'd shorten the nap to an hour. Maybe it will help at night.

Thank you for all the positive posts, I was not expecting so many replies! I will ignore the negative comments!! I think the idea of changing one thing a day may be a good way forward for me as I am so exhausted. I will try no internet until kids are in bed tomorrow, then Monday try using the slow cooker as the evening pick dh up make dinner and get girls in bed is awful as toddler falls asleep in car and is then grumpy and everything goes to pot.

Personally I would not worry about housework for the time being (unless it's really filthy) and would concentrate more on getting out and about with your DD. Firstly this will perhaps make life a bit more fun for both of you and secondly your DD may sleep better at night if she is exhausted from day time activities. If you are out of the house more you will also find that there is less housework to do as nobody is there to make a mess.

Don't be too hard on yourself though as it's not easy to be a SAHM with a preschooler particularly with the sleepless nights and picking up and dropping off of your DH and DD. I actually found life easier when I went back to work.