To have a messy house, be unorganised, meal plans fail etc and I'm a SAHM

[Totallyuseless31]

I'm a stay at home mum to a toddler and a school age child. I drop dh at work every morning, then DD1 to school then I have basically 9-3 with my toddler. I pick DD1 up from school at 3.30 and DH up from work at 6. I can never get dinner ready for when we come in so DDs get overtired and go to bed late as dinner is late. My house is a tip and could do with a good clean. DH works overtime every weekend as the pay is double and is more than my full time earning power in his 2 days overtime. I do sell a lot of bits and bobs on eBay in the evenings so need to visit the post office most days. I currently do not take DD1 to any toddler groups and this is something I would like to start, as well as having a clean house (it will never be completely tidy lol) and meals that are home cooked and ready for when we come home in the evenings. But I just cannot seem to do this! I do not seem to have the motivation or organisation required. How do I achieve this? Surely 9-3 is enough time to get everything done? Plus I have weekends on my own which I could utilise. I know a full time working mum who runs a better home than me and she is single as well with ex having no access and she has no family help. What am I doing wrong? I need help to become organised!

It's right after school run next to the school so I have no excuses not to go!!

That's great progress, but, and I mean this in the nicest way, GET OFF THE INTERNET!

How far away is the school OP?

Have you tried batch cookery? You can make two lasagnes in just over the time it takes to make one, chop up the second one and freeze it in portions for the future. Same is true of macaroni cheese. Soup batch cooks well and is sustaining and heath especially with bread on the side.

I can't always be bothered to cook a new meal and then I go to my chest freezer and haul out a batch-cooked item. I now just automatically make two pies of a vat of pasta sauce and just use up my stocks until they are getting low.

rhi - I agree. I rarely cook one meal. I cook bolognese sauce, I use 3Kg of meat, veg, mushrooms, celery, 10 cans of tomatoes. Simmer, eat what we need that day with pasta and freeze the rest into small portions.
I can bring some out later in the week, and turn some into lasagne, or with the addition of cumin, chilli and kidney beans have chilli con carne with rice.
I freeze curry, casseroles, soups, even cooked rice.

There's a fabulous recipe book titled 'Freeze' by Justine Pattison. Everything in there is about batch cooking with tips on freezing etc.

Well done op.just thought,could your DH drive a moped or motorbike? They are much cheaper to run then a second car.

I do a casserole which is chicken squares, fried with 3 onions, then 4 carrots, 4 parsnips and five potatoes cut into large chunks. Add three stock cubes into a litre of hot water and pour in. Cover. Simmer one hour. Equals a massive stew enough for two days. Poss with enough left to freeze for two.

My kid didn't sleep well at night till she was three and a half. "Sleep training" just doesn't work with some kids. 18 months is still very little. Do what you can to get through. Is there really no way your husband can get himself home from work, though? That second nap in the car is not helping.

Clean house, schmean house. Germs are good for them. Show homes aren't happy homes.

If you're worried about ignoring her, then just change it- have a rule such as 'no computer before 1pm' and just get out a huge pile of storybooks, toys, playdough, whatever and make the effort to chat to the little one more. Nursery rhymes are great. You couldwatch something naff like The Wiggles and learn the songs with her- little kids love seeing their mums singing alone to their top choons. But go easy on yourself. I understand how seductive the internet is, especially when you're lonely. You do feel like shit when you realise you've wasted three hours on it though. THAT is fixable- just limit yourself; you may find it stops being so attractive, oddly enough, the less you use it.

One more thing. It may sound stupid, but doing home exercise vids helped me with depression. My kid loved joining in and I felt happier, more energetic and more able to tackle things.

Overall, you sound like a kind, loving mum. Not useless at all. Be nice to yourself and try to enjoy this time with your little one. 18 months is such an interesting age.

Sounds like you being hard on yourself - looking after kids 7 days is hardcore. Can you get help with them/ housework ? Just a couple of hours so you can get out of house / meet friends/ go for a swim? Home cooked meals lovely but every night? How about once a week? Can you aim for small wins eg making a bed helps whole room look better. Make sure you are doing housework cooking etc for you not to meet some stepford wife type ideal of what a sahm should do. There used to be some scheme called Homestart that offered help to mums with young kids - not sure if it's appropriate/ still going. Can you talk to your GP if you are feeling overwhelmed? Having toddlers is exhausting but things get easier.

Thank you so much for all the kind replies :) I'm feeling a lot better for just getting all this off my chest even though I'm still tired, and you lot have given me so much motivation you will never know how much, in the last 3 days I have done more than I have in a whole month. I hope this thread gives inspiration to any others in a similar situation, there are so many good tips on here. The only one I won't be taking is to sleep train, i do think dd must need me at night so I'm happy to co sleep until she no longer needs. She will be grown soon enough. But getting off the internet, batch cooking, doing things with dds, you have all given me my motivation back to do these things :) I took the dds out for dinner tonight to a place where they have soft play as dh had to work late and they had a great time and both fell asleep in pjs that I changed them into in the car on the way to pick dh up and transferred them into bed. They both look so adorable and I'm so lucky to have them in my lives, however tired they make me! :)

I think you need a routine.

If I were in your position, I'd get up at the same time every day and make sure I'm dressed and ready for the day before school/work runs. Take DD to a playgroup every morning (they usually run until roughly 11/11:30) come home for her lunch, try to get her down for a nap and then spend some time doing the bits and bobs that need doing.

Also I know you say you are hopeless at it but meal planning and batch cooking can save sooo much time in advance! You could make a lasagne and roast a chicken in the oven, have a casserole in the slow cooker, and a chilli on the hob all at the same time. Buy some of they microwave rice and then only have to prepare salads and microwave some rice to accompany your meals! If you committed to doing this say every Monday after play group then your meals are sorted for the week for a start. DD will be tired out from playgroup and want to chill out/nap in the afternoon and your house will be more organised.

Also only do 1 or 2 post office runs a week, on say a Monday (after school run and before play group) and a Thursday?

Well I managed the toddler group today and felt much better for it. Gave kids dinner before picking dh up today and now just watching them in the bath. I just need to keep this up! I managed this on a really crap nights sleep as youngest woke up at 3am with bright red teething cheeks and didn't settle back down until 5am

Sounds like you do a flipping amazing job to me. Up throughout the night I am in awe of you just getting through the day. I struggle with home cooked food but the best thing for me is cooking in bulk and freezing it. But i think you are doing well if everyone gets fed at all. Sleep deprivation is so hard. I hope you get more sleep soon and then everything will seem easier.

Well done OP. That's a big step going to a group, you should feel v proud of yourself. Time to change that username you know...

Just checking in.... Well Done! Feel so proud of you! Xx

Well done for getting to the group op!

I suffered with anxiety at certain points in the past and it led to depression which kind of seemed to eat away at the day . Nothing woukd get done even though I felt like I had been "doing" all day and just needed a break.

The only that helped me personally during those times was to turn off the computer and tv get a bit of paper and write down three jobs. Like 1. Dishes 2. Pick up toys 3. Make bed.

Then I once I had done them I could spend a while doing sonethjng I wanted to do .

Good luck op.

Well done op. I feel like you sometimes,and I'm going to take notes of any good ideas on this thread.

Stop expanding time and energy on ebaying, do a house/garage one off sale on Gumtree or a one off car boot. Shorten your nap & go to bed earlier if still shattered. If your toddler isnt sleeping thru the night, shorten their daytime nap too, not drastically but do cut it down. watch TV with DD's or Mumsnet - thats your prep time slot for evening meal.

Zombie thread.

It's not really a zombie thread yet, IMO

I'd love to hear how the OP is doing. I hope she comes back, with a name change!

OP I really hope you've felt better over the past few months. Let us know

OP-if you're still reading after a few months-you aren't useless-keeping on top of things with young children is difficult. Well done for making some changes.
I'm glad I saw this though. There should be a new proverb:

"The internet is the thief of time".

I am going to change my internet use and do a when/then on myself, like I would do with a child.
For example "When you have cleared kitchen, hoovered living room and put slow cooker on then you can have half an hour on the internet!"

Set yourself small targets. If you go making yourself a huge list of things to do you'll feel bad about not getting them done, and slip back into that black pit.
You're doing great.
I've been depressed and sleep deprived and you just can't see the wood for the trees sometimes.

As long as your house isn't a health hazard who cares?

Hey OP, don't know if you're reading this but MyHermes collect parcels from your door, which will cut down on trips to the post office. That can be so time-consuming. And don't be too hard on yourself: mine didn't sleep through till they were four years old.

Also, the other thing that made my life easier was becoming a single parent - still had all the childcare, housework and running own business responsibilities but without an extra adult to support as well. I realise that's a dramatic step and not suggesting you need to take it but just wanted to put it out there.