To have a messy house, be unorganised, meal plans fail etc and I'm a SAHM

[Totallyuseless31]

I'm a stay at home mum to a toddler and a school age child. I drop dh at work every morning, then DD1 to school then I have basically 9-3 with my toddler. I pick DD1 up from school at 3.30 and DH up from work at 6. I can never get dinner ready for when we come in so DDs get overtired and go to bed late as dinner is late. My house is a tip and could do with a good clean. DH works overtime every weekend as the pay is double and is more than my full time earning power in his 2 days overtime. I do sell a lot of bits and bobs on eBay in the evenings so need to visit the post office most days. I currently do not take DD1 to any toddler groups and this is something I would like to start, as well as having a clean house (it will never be completely tidy lol) and meals that are home cooked and ready for when we come home in the evenings. But I just cannot seem to do this! I do not seem to have the motivation or organisation required. How do I achieve this? Surely 9-3 is enough time to get everything done? Plus I have weekends on my own which I could utilise. I know a full time working mum who runs a better home than me and she is single as well with ex having no access and she has no family help. What am I doing wrong? I need help to become organised!

Ah x post.

Is your depression being treated? Have you tried co sleeping? It's the only way any of us get any meaningful sleep.

I would start by feeding the kids at 5 pm. That way your DH can put them to bed when he gets home so you can can cook for you and him.

X post. Your problem is clearly lack of sleep. I'd still get of the internet though.

Have dedicated days for dedicated activities. Eg. Make sure house is tidy on a Sunday, and batch cook 3 meals.

Monday - go to toddler group, do ebaying when toddler asleep.
Tuesday - spend morning tidying, washing etc with toddler. Nap, go to park on way too/from school run. Package ebay stuff in the evening
Wednesday- do all post office packages, nap, school run
Thursday -swimming, toddler group etc. batch cook whilst toddler is asleep, school run
Friday - tidy, ebay etc. nap, then school run.

Etc

I couldn't go to PO every day and not go to toddler groups/parks etc. It would drive me mad!

Surely you don't do ebay every day?! What are you selling?

Darling, don't worry about anyone.

Who cares if house a mess

Kids only young once, go out get fresh air. Tire your little one out and enjoy these special days

House can wait

I'd try and get into the habit of sorting an earlier meal so they're not getting it late.

You could start by doing something really simple for 4:30 then cooking in the evening after they have gone to bed something for the next day and something for the freezer.

I'd also see about doing the post office just before the school run freeing up the morning for an outing to the park or toddler group.

I don't see a problem with going back to bed i do most days especially when toddler is awake so often.

Agree cut out internet and mumsnetting. I threw together a sausage casserole in less than 10 mins today.

What sort of targets are you setting yourself? Break everything up into achievable chunks. Instead of saying 'I've got to clean the house' say I will tackle the sideboard

I do sympathise. I work 4 days a week but barely achieve anything on my day at home with the girls.

You just need to pick up a couple of good habits and get a routine or list going. Its not easy being sleep deprived, having a toddler and depression! Get out to a a toddler group, it will help you both.

It would be good for you both to get out at least once a week, i presume you do school runs so that gets you out?

I get where you're coming from OP. I have a 2 year old & a 5 year old (started Reception in September). Until October I worked but now I'm a SAHM. I have depression & am currently being investigated for ME so nothing gets done here either.

Do you find the lack of 'getting anything done' makes you feel more depressed? It does me, but I'm too exhausted to do much about it. We go to groups 3 times a week & DS2 goes to his grandparents one morning a week.

It's really tough, cut yourself some slack. Your kids will remember spending time with you more than the state of the house (or that's what I tell myself).

Could you use courier not post office?

Some you print label off and drop at corner shop. I think some courier will collect from you.

I'd use the slowcooker - put on in the morning after you get back from school run.

Ok, you're tired, depressed and looking after 2 kids by yourself 7 days a week so please, don't be too hard on yourself.

BUT...get your toddler out in the day, tire them out, they'll sleep more at night (I used to take mine swimming for that exact reason). Then you can stop sleeping in the day.

Cut down on your trips to the post offce by listing all your ebay stuff at the same time & have it finishing at the same time. Give people a deadline to PayPal by so you're not hanging round waiting for payment.

Lunch & cleaning up after lunch - sandwiches, boiled eggs, vegetable sticks & dips - don't be flagging about with a full on meal with loads of pans/equipment.

Does the slatterns on here still exsist? That is a really useful way of getting stuff done.

Ok. You need to plan week.

• no need to go to post office every day. Say mon, wed and fri maximum straight from school run

• then spend until lunch time doing something with toddler. Park/ walk/ swim/ library/ group/ whatever

• 1-3pm toddler nap, you don't nap. Spend 1-2pm on chores/ dinner prep etc. 2-3pm time to relax

• no tv with children. use time to play with them, take to park, do homework etc. At 5pm leave them to play or let watch tv then, and you can finish dinner prep/ put dinner in oven.

Aw op I think posters telling you to ditch the Internet is terrible advice
It was a life saver for me when I was a sahm to two young children & bordering on depressed

It was often the only time I ' spoke ' to someone all day

So whatever gets you through xxx

Without sounding mean, my dd is 2, nearly 3 and has never slept through the night, wakes up 4-5 times wanting to breastfeed but I don't nap in the day. Whilst she has her daytime nap I prepare the dinner so all I have to do is heat it up. You need to get motivated and get outside in the fresh air, and switch off the Internet. What does your toddler do whilst your looking on the net?

I think before you do anything else you need to try to sort out the 10 times a night waking, even if it means sleep training. Can DH take a couple of days off and help you sleep train. My DD woke a lot but only until 10 months when I lost the plot completely and did sleep training. The sleep deprivation is awful and is why you can't get anything done, it's like living in fog. I sympathise so much, it's awful. But you have to sort it out, it's no life.

I also wouldn't worry about going to the PO each day - it gets you out of the house every day which is more than I managed !!

All of those people being hard on OP stop it. OP I know what you mean...it's tough and somehow more tiring the less you do.

FIRST thing is to go to GP and have your iron levels checked.

NEXT thing is to give kids a "nursery tea" at 4.00....that's a kid's tea...something light and easy.

Then stop doing post office runs daily. Have dedicated posting days and put that on your Ebay "posting is done on Wednesdays" so people know.

It will get better.x

Aw op I think posters telling you to ditch the Internet is terrible advice
It was a life saver for me when I was a sahm to two young children & bordering on depressed

But rather counter productive if you're depressed about your house being a tip?!

Toddler snack,lunch and clearing up surly isn't more than 20 mins in total. ODFOD