To have a messy house, be unorganised, meal plans fail etc and I'm a SAHM

[Totallyuseless31]

I'm a stay at home mum to a toddler and a school age child. I drop dh at work every morning, then DD1 to school then I have basically 9-3 with my toddler. I pick DD1 up from school at 3.30 and DH up from work at 6. I can never get dinner ready for when we come in so DDs get overtired and go to bed late as dinner is late. My house is a tip and could do with a good clean. DH works overtime every weekend as the pay is double and is more than my full time earning power in his 2 days overtime. I do sell a lot of bits and bobs on eBay in the evenings so need to visit the post office most days. I currently do not take DD1 to any toddler groups and this is something I would like to start, as well as having a clean house (it will never be completely tidy lol) and meals that are home cooked and ready for when we come home in the evenings. But I just cannot seem to do this! I do not seem to have the motivation or organisation required. How do I achieve this? Surely 9-3 is enough time to get everything done? Plus I have weekends on my own which I could utilise. I know a full time working mum who runs a better home than me and she is single as well with ex having no access and she has no family help. What am I doing wrong? I need help to become organised!

I feel for you OP!

But I would only go to the post office maybe every other day, and why do you have to be DH's chauffer? Get him to walk/cycle/bus/train home from work! Definitely go for a walk every day with DC2, fresh air does work wonders. And look up slow cooker recipes!!

You can do it!!

I would do a quick dinner and feed the children at 4.45pm.

Pasta and sauce
Jacket potatoes and cheese
Fishfingers and chips

Collect DH at 6pm and then one can sort putting children to bed while the other one sorts dinner.

You will regret not doing more with your children when you look back.....definitely do a group with her.....she must be as bored as you are.

I would make a plan to sort and clean a room per day. Put music/film on and just do it.

I really sympathise with the not sleeping through. We forget how completely debilitating a broken night is and how it impacts on our ability to function properly in the day. I still nap when my 19 month old does. My house is often untidy and I don't clean/tidy till he goes to bed. If i do in the day he will, sit on the hover like a toy car, pull any cushions and blankets off the sofas if I tidy them in front of him, pull clothes of the clothes horse if I'm pegging out a wash...... I do cook a lot and prepare dinners but only because I enjoy it. Toddler groups are honestly a saviour as are play dates.

I work part time (3 days a week) but I don't think that has had much of an impact on what I can't or don't get done round the house.

things will get easier.

Cal I don';t think that's helpful. Not ALL Mothers are good at or like "groups" and my DD1 hated them when I did try. She was fine at home...till she was three...many are.

Your right mrstawdry the less I do the more tired I feel :(

I would stop selling things on ebay if you can afford not to, as that will stop you being tempted to use the internet so often, and all the post office visits. If you really do need the money, organise your listings so you make one weekly post office trip, or see if a local shop will take couriered parcels. If you cut out the post office and time online, you will have more free time.

It is really hard to clean an untidy house. If you get rid of enough stuff so that your house is tidy, it will be much easier to clean quickly. I've started following the Kondo thread on mumsnet house keeping and it is helping us declutter.

I would focus on making an early dinner for a week and if your children aren't getting over tired and go to bed more easily, you may find that you have more energy, especially if they sleep better from not being over tired. Can you cook something whilst they are watching tv, it seems odd to all watch tv then dash around later scrambling to get dinner ready.

Do you depen on the overtime money or could you manage without it if you budgeted carefully? I don't think your DH working 7 days a week sounds good for either one of you. He must hardly see the kids and it leaves a crippling weight of responsibility on you so I'm not surprised you feel paralysed by it.

I'm massively disorganised and struggled badly to stay on top of things like meal planning and cleaning when on maternity leave with a pre schooler and non-sleeping baby. I lived for my DH's days off to enjoy adult company and share the childcare/chores. I actually am getting more done now I'm back at work, though I'm exhausted. Depression does make every task so much harder though and sleep deprivation can make even getting a shower seem like a daunting mountain to climb. I think you should go easy on yourself, address your DH's work patterns if possible and get help with your depression if you aren't currently?

I tell myself that my house will be in a better state when the baby is older and sleeping better - it's just a case of surviving til then! It will all get better .

Ahh OP as other have said please don't be so hard on yourself, I reckon most people who have kids have pretty untidy/messy houses. You are at home with kids it kinda supposed to be like that!

Maybe try to get the toddler's bag ready the night before and go straight to the park/ a toddler after dropping your DD1. Maybe take a packed lunch so you can then go straight home after lunch n have a nap before collecting DD1 from school?

Try making one change at a time, if it doesn't work break it down further. Good luck hon. Xx

If your Toddler is not getting out other than in the car I think you probanly need to exhaust her much more In order for her to sleep. Plus it's not brilliant for her to just be traipsing round the house all day. Could you take her to the park every day for half an hour after school drop off and before pick up? Or put her in a few nursery sessions?

I have mild depression that is made worse by lack of sleep. I co sleep out of desperation but toddler still wakes 9pm, 10pm, 10.30pm, 2am, 2.15am, 2.30am, 3.30am, 4.30am, 5.30am, 5.45am, then awake for the day 7am as an example. She wakes with seperation anxiety to check I am still there :(

ok maybe start by ....
laying everyones clothes out the night before
getting breakfast things ready night before
find something you can throw in the slow cooker when you are making lunch
give yourself 15 mins to clean a room its surprising what you can do in that time
things you forget use sticky notes
to make a list stick it to the fridge and tick off as you go

How old is she? Have you tried a sleep consultant?

does toddler sleep in your bed if not maybe this will be something you may want to think about to get a little extra sleep
and also when i have a nap during the day i find if i have longer I'm more lethargic then say 30mins-1hr

I've been suffering depression, sleeping during the day have a 1yo and a 2yo and am PG. I know how you feel.
I sleep whenever I can and go on the internet lots, in fact, I had to ban myself from mn for weeks as I as spending all my time on FB, Stumbleupon and MN was a good escape from worrying about my house and jobs. Some days my children would stay in their pj's all day.

I made a list of 3 (really easy) things I would do every day, so my list was

1.Get up and dressed in the morning (My dp would take children in morning whilst I slept, give them breakfast and bring them back to me when he was leaving for work, then we'd sit in my bed for an hour or so whilst I mustered the motivation to get up)

1. Go out walking every day, even round the block

1. Do not go anywhere near the internet until 9pm, unless life or death

This kick started my positive thinking and enabled me to grasp a bit of ownership of my day. I think I felt I was spending the day doing things for others and nothing for myself, so, now I take a hot chocolate, get bundled up and go and sit down the garden for 15 minutes at night and think, have some time for myself.

Aw sympathies. Sleep deprivation is the worst. I'd focus on slow cooker dinners or preparing dinner in the morning. Get that done and later on in the day won't be so much of a nightmare. Get that sorted you might feel better and other things could fall into place.

are you sure your toddler is eating and drinking enough if they are waking that much. I'm a fan of the feed a lot of mashed potato and lots of milk to drink in the evening school of thought. That is how my kids slept through.

There are plenty of websites with slowcooker recipes. Try prepping a whole week's worth of meals on Sunday, put them in freezer bags and freeze them. Then each morning all you have to do is dump one of the meals into the slocooker. They'll be done when you get home. There are recipes all over Pinterest.

As far as cleaning, I've never seen anyone mention Flylady. Is that not a thing in the UK? She has a "method" for keeping your house clean in little snippets; you might want to check her site out.

Can you schedule post office pick ups? We can do that here, you just go online, buy the postage, and schedule the mailman to pick it up when he's doing his rounds. If not, go twice a week, maybe Tuesdays and Thursdays.

Toddler naps for 2 hours 1-3, she naps on me while I sleep too, some days I get back up while she sleeps to sort out washing. Reading all the replies I actually feel so bad that I don't take toddler anywhere, she just plays with her toys on her own while I clean or mumsnet but brings me things to show me so I do interact and she come for a hug as well or to give me a kiss or for her teddy to kiss me bless her.

Here here mrstawdry the OP does not need more negativity - too many thoughtless people just when you don't need it. Take good bits posted OP and remember baby steps if you can the the difference will come if you persist. But dont beat yourself up about kids need love foremost.

I don't know how to solve the night waking, but that is the key here. Your days are like they are because it's like walking through treacle when you're that tired. I don't know how you are alive on so little uninterrupted sleep actually, never mind having a clean house or whatever.

OP I didn't manage groups until DD hit 2 ish and even then it was one group a week...we went, had a biscuit, did the craft, sang and then went home.

All I could manage....I'm not sociable. Both my DDs are fine...aged 6 and 10 they are doing well in school both socially and academically. Spending their early years travelling from baby singing to swimming to signing and whatever didn't happen and didn't affect them.

We played at home.

YABU.What do you actually do then? Not to be horrible but I'm sure others are asking the same thing :/ I'd understand why your house is messy and dinner not cooked if you work but you're a SAHM so you have no excuse :/

Madbananasandcopporn that has hit the nail on the head, I mumsnet, netmums, facebook to escape that my house is a mess and I am tired. I need to ban myself from the internet!! I will try starting from tomorrow and see if it gives me a more organised day. Although I will feel lonely as I'm with kids on my own all day tomorrow with no adult interaction :(

Broody she has explained that she has severe sleep deprivation and depression. That's a pretty good 'excuse'.

OP, can I ask again if your husband has to work the overtime every single weekend? I'm sure it can't be good for either of you.