To tell my friend her daughter is getting fat

[ExtraJudgeyPants]

Have name changed as feel like an arsehole writing this!

My friend is massively obese and is unhappy with her weight and I worry her five year old daughter might end up the same way.

Friend's DD is looking very chunky lately and I genuinely don't think my friend realises. Although how would I know without mentioning it?

It's not my business is it, but I feel like I am letting the child down by not mentoining it, just in case her mum hasn't noticed.

We are close so I know she would have told me if there was any health issues with her daughter. And my gut instinct is that she would tell me if she was worried about her weight/eating, that's why I would like to bring it up.

I keep reading that such a high % of primary age children are overweight or obese (something like 40% in Wolverhampton), someone else must have come across a similar situation !?

I am a genuinely concerned friend but don't know if I should do it at all, let alone what I would say. Please help and don't hold back (like you would anyway:))

And there you are, there's an issue right there. For you food has to have a virtue.

no that's utter nonsense

I can assure you that if DS had unfettered access to rubbish hed be obese rather than slightly overweight ( which is worrying enough).
I find it hard to self regulate and i an adult who knows about healthy eating and is vain enough not to want to go up a dress size, DS simply couldnt.

I think you're the one with an issue mumto.

Spending money on expensive empty calories is pointless and for poor families financially straining.

Please don't mention it to your friend as you may end up falling out over it

It's ironic that people start talking about denial whilst buying in to the myth that thin is happy. There's a lot of money to make teaching people (especially women) to self loathe. If you want to buy in to that for you and your kids go ahead.

Ssimilar problem here. A friend's son had really sticky out teeth and the dentist recommended braces. My friend was most indignant as she said that it was part of his character (pfb syndrome). I said that they may be endearing now but when he was an adult he wouldnt thank her for it. Shortly afterwards I saw he had been fitted with braces.

It's ironic that people start talking about denial whilst buying in to the myth that thin is happy

Thin is as unhealthy as being fat, but as there isn't a thiness epidemic it's not given much thought.

Snacks were invented by the food industry in the 1970's to sell more product

Nobody NEEDS to snack
If children are given good calorie dense meals from about age 4 they can last through between meals (they do at night after all)

Adults do not need to snack unless they are athletes in training.

Go back to meals and gaps and the obesity problem will start to go as well.

And the whole diet industry exists to make money. Difference is - there's a limit to how many bags of doritos you can eat without collapsing. There's no limit to what can be spent to make yourself look better when you're told you look 'wrong'.

Incidentally three meals a day is a modern construct as well.

Mumtotherescue
Incidentally three meals a day is a modern construct as well.
Absolutely. And a Western one too.
Two meals per day - one large, one small - is much more common
and actually eating regularly is a pretty modern invention.

Our digestive tracts work much better with gaps between intake - its how they evolved after all.
The Diet Industry relies on failure - it would go bust if it actually worked.

That's why I like 5:2 - its scientifically sound, free to follow and saves money.

Most Westerners have lost sight of how lean a healthy child should be.
If a child reaches their arms up, their tummy should pull in under their ribs.
A child's shoulder blades should be visible

No say nothing because it won't help and you can't fix it

However if you have the child in your house there's your chance to only give healthy snacks etc...

there's your chance to only give healthy snacks etc...

or just NOT give snacks .........

snacking ruins your appetite for meals

Mumto, if what you say is true, and children "self-regulate", there would not be 30% obese children in this country or any other. The point is that that they don't, and few people do, with things that are and are designed to taste good even if they are really bad for you.

Furthermore, ime most people prefer to eat the way they ate as children. So if you start your children off in life giving them preconceived notions that vegetables are a trial and crisps a treat, you are setting them up poorly in their future life. Like you said, don't pass your food issues on to your children- don't encourage and agree with them that fish and vegetables are unpleasant and to be endured.

My children snack all day
It's how they like to eat
It drives me bloody mad

Majority healthy snacks though.
Both my Dds are good weights, dd2 too skinny of anything.

Junk food is not expensive

Packet of biscuits 50p
Fills kids up more than a packet of carrots!

amida
My children snack all day ~ It's how they like to eat ~ It drives me bloody mad
Do they go to the shop and buy the food that they snack on or do you put it in the cupboards?

I serve it to them or tell them what they can have
They like to eat little and often
They are perfect height and weight
Stop being so judgey
They don't snack on crisps & biscuits!!

mumtotherescue - not all children grow up able to self regulate if they're given free access to chocolates / sweets / crisps / cake etc.

My parents regularly bought these foods and my siblings and I were allowed to help ourselves as we pleased (unless it was bedtime and we'd already brushed our teeth). No forbidden foods.

I did not learn how to self regulate. I was on the plump side through school, and am now obese. I still struggle to self regulate and have very little self control around the food's mentioned above.

So I don't agree with this approach. I tend not to routinely keep these foods in the house - partly because I don't think kids should be encouraged to develop bad habits by routinely snacking on junk food, and partly because I find it too difficult to resist eating them myself if they're around.

Nothing wrong with being on the plump side. Your obesity as an adult is a different issue but we need to stop expecting all children are and can be the same size.
Duchesse - my argument is that we have obese children BECAUSE of misguided parental intervention NOT in spite of it.

its not a different issue. Plump kids turn into plump adults.

mumtotherescue - the disordered eating habits that are the cause of my obesity now are the same disordered eating habits I learnt as a child. I had very little self control around junk food when I was a child and I have continued to have very little self control around junk food.

The main differences being that as an adult, I do less exercise, plus I have almost unlimited opportunities to snack now compared to when I was a child.

I have to say some people are pretty delusional about their weight. My sister in particular started to gain weight rapidly after she turned 4 by the time she was 7 she was 7 stone, 8 she was 8 stone etc.

She was the tallest in her class and she believes that if she hasn't started her period early she would be taller. She is now at the age of 27 5.0 ft. and 14st My aunt who is a nurse explained that she was overweight and over tall. She refutes this and blames her weight and height on starting puberty early.