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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

So angry and upset I may explode

270 replies

Edenviolet · 22/01/2015 16:49

A close family member has obtained information regarding some medical issues/procedure and tests I have had/will be having done.

Its private, REALLY private. Something dh and I wanted to keep to ourselves.

The information was in paperwork (a letter and some general info) at my house that this family member has obviously snooped through. Now, for whatever reason she thinks it is appropriate to divulge this other members of the family/friends.

I feel heartbroken and also extremely angry. I don't want everybody to know and I actually feel violated. What sort of person goes through other people's paperwork then lets out private medical information?

AIBU to be this upset, and is there anything I can actually do (apart from hiding away and crying like I want to)

OP posts:
TaliZorahVasNormandy · 23/01/2015 10:54

Op dont change your plans, dont let anyone stop you doing this. If anyone asks about it, dont answer or change the subject, just ignore it.

As for your vile bitch of a sister, let your DH go feral on her and dont speak to her ever again.

My sisters can be a couple of nosy cows, but never ever would the snoop through my stuff and never would I snoop through theirs.

Sister77 · 23/01/2015 11:23

There are no words to express the loathing I feel for this kind of person. The self righteous who can justify every (wrong) action with a totally unreasonable explanation.
Hugs, op and this is not a waste of time and money that's your sister. ignore the bitch. Now people do know, you'll get support where you'll least expect it (I know it's no consolation).
Do you want me to come round and kick her head in? Flowers

Meerka · 23/01/2015 14:58

like someone said, lending her money isn't a waste but saving for a second child is?

your sister is not a friend to you.

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 23/01/2015 16:11

That is appalling op. No words. She should be ashamed of herself. Flowers

borisgudanov · 23/01/2015 16:16

Totally outrageous and obnoxious behaviour. She evidently thinks she has a right to treat your savings as her personal piggy bank and when she gets knocked back she digs through your private stuff to try to find "evidence" to refute your reasons for saying sorry but no. Then she finds other confidential information so she punishes you for your "meanness" by trumpeting it from the rooftops. As if that were not sufficient it's then presented as unfair that you should spend your money as you please instead of handing it over.

Even in my most charitable moments I can't construe this as anything but utterly selfish and evil.

If I were your DH I would go absolutely fucking bonkers. Has she form for this kind of twisted vileness? Actually it's so repugnant I'd probably excommunicate her for this alone anyway.

You're the least U poster I've seen on AIBU. What a nasty, reprehensible little toad.

GraysAnalogy · 23/01/2015 16:23

I hope she's reading all this and realising what a complete and utter fuck bucket she is.

I hope you're okay OP. And I'm wishing you and your DP all the best Flowers

MrsCs · 23/01/2015 17:01

What a total cow!!

Whatisaweekend · 23/01/2015 17:04

Was going to come on and post but boris has conveyed it perfectly.

Flowers Good luck to you OP - we are all rooting for you.

MoustacheofRonSwanson · 23/01/2015 17:34
Flowers

What a bitch. My SIL did something similar. I was ttc, details were not known to family. She kept asking repeated nosey questions about tests and would we try IVF (as we are a bit older) at the dinner table at family gatherings, as she owed DH money and was worried he would ask for it back to pay for IVF. She even tried to get FIL to do her digging for her. I used to go home and cry and cry. So I feel so Angry for how you must be feeling now, total invasion of privacy and betrayal of trust, around something already so emotional. More Flowers.

Eventually he went ballistic at her and MIL even chimed in to tell her to pipe down, it was none of her business.

And that's without the additional outrage of her going through your stuff.

I Nc'd with SIL for a while, til I felt I could be around her again. DH doesn't ever expect me to spend much time around her know, his eyes really opened to her then. it's your sister, so it's different, but IVF can be stressful enough without getting reminders of this betrayal into the bargain.

Good luck with the treatment.

AcrossthePond55 · 23/01/2015 18:02

Just RTFT. I'm absolutely appalled at your 'D'sis' behaviour! What she has done is really unforgivable. Or at the very least, would call for an abject and sincere apology. It's just disgusting to think that a sister, someone who is supposed to be concerned about you, would stoop so low as to snoop in the first place, much less tell others!

Don't change your plans. Don't give her that much power over you and your DH.

I hope your DM, DH, and anyone else who discovers what she did tears her a new mud-hole!

expatinscotland · 23/01/2015 18:14

I am sorry your sister is such a cunt.

Original poster
Edenviolet · 23/01/2015 18:15

Sorry, had a busy day so only just had time to read this.

Dsis won't answer her phone or reply to emails, dh had tried to contact her but she appears to be 'in hiding'. We have decided to just carry on with our plans and if and when she re emerges dh will be telling her exactly what we think.

OP posts:
captainfarrell · 23/01/2015 18:19

YANBU It is a violation. At the very most, if it was accidental they should have spoken to you and agreed to keep it private.

DakotaFanny · 23/01/2015 18:22

What a bitch!! I would find this difficult to forgive! I presume she is single and childless?? One day maybe she will realise what a horrendous thing she did.

Flowers
emotionsecho · 23/01/2015 18:22

So your sister is a coward on top of everything else, clearly knows she is in the wrong but unable to face up to it. Wonder if your mum has spoken to her hence the hiding, and, yes, your dh should still tell her exactly what you think of her and what she did when she re emerges.

Glad to hear you have decided to carry on with your plans, hold your head up - you have done nothing wrong or to be ashamed of. Good luckFlowers

AdoraBell · 23/01/2015 18:27

Agree with others, don't change your plans and don't cover up for your sister. If people ask tell them it's a private matter that you have not discussed with anyone and that your sister snooped and does not have your permission to discuss this with anyone. Then hold your head up high.

Ohfourfoxache · 23/01/2015 18:27

I hope she's thoroughly mortified of herself and burying her head in utter shame. Not that this makes a difference - personally I'd still never speak to the bitch again.

How are you doing today? I'm sure you're still livid, but are you any less raw?

TalkinPeace · 23/01/2015 18:27

waiting
Go ahead with your plans.
They are good plans and right for you.

Bar your Sister from your house for at least a year (and yes, if your appointment goes well that will include some pretty big family events)

She has to be made to understand how utterly, utterly out of order it was to
(a) Read your paperwork
(b) Divulge to others what she had read
(c) get cross at you for planning for your future

Good Luck.

Anniegetyourgun · 23/01/2015 18:48

Good lord, a unanimous AIBU! How often does that happen? Grin

I tell you what, even if you'd arranged to have all the taps in your house gold plated, it's still none of anyone else's fucking business. It is not her money, it never was her money, and from now on, even if you rescue a tycoon from drowning and get given a million pounds, I hope not a penny will ever be her money! There are plenty of more deserving cats' homes.

Fingers crossed that everything goes smoothly for you.

AcrossthePond55 · 23/01/2015 18:57

I'm glad you're carrying on with your plans.

WandaFuca · 23/01/2015 21:00

So, she’s decided to go off the radar. Not really surprising. Be prepared that when she emerges she’ll either play the pity card, or pretend that it wasn’t that bad and you’re being oversensitive. Some people try to minimise their bad behaviour, which can be just as hurtful as their original shittery. If she does anything like that, you know that you’ll get support here to work through that. There are loads of us who know what it’s like to deal with selfish, self-centred family members, and how one person can muck up the family dynamics. So, keep this thread going for as long as you need to.

There are also a significant number of people here going through or have gone through IVF. I don’t know which topic they post in – perhaps someone else can give a pointer? It’s anonymous here, but you could always namechange if you want. You’d get support from people who understand the journey.

Good for you for keeping to the plan that you and your DH had already decided on. I really hope it goes well. Flowers

Blueblueblueblue · 23/01/2015 21:03

Good luck Waiting.

MakkaPakkastolemystone · 23/01/2015 21:05

Wish you alll the luck in the world for your plans.

diddl · 23/01/2015 21:26

That is an awful betrayal,

So you found her snooping, & as if that wasn't enough, she then went on to tell people.

presumably to punish you for not giving her money.

And even your mum is upset that you didn't tell her!

Why do they think that it is anything to do with them?

it's perfectly understandable that you don't want people constantly asking "any news", which is why i never understand when couples tell anyone else that they are ttc.

hope all goes well for you.

Aeroflotgirl · 23/01/2015 21:37

What a spineless coward. Your best off without her.

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