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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

So angry and upset I may explode

270 replies

Edenviolet · 22/01/2015 16:49

A close family member has obtained information regarding some medical issues/procedure and tests I have had/will be having done.

Its private, REALLY private. Something dh and I wanted to keep to ourselves.

The information was in paperwork (a letter and some general info) at my house that this family member has obviously snooped through. Now, for whatever reason she thinks it is appropriate to divulge this other members of the family/friends.

I feel heartbroken and also extremely angry. I don't want everybody to know and I actually feel violated. What sort of person goes through other people's paperwork then lets out private medical information?

AIBU to be this upset, and is there anything I can actually do (apart from hiding away and crying like I want to)

OP posts:
Canyouforgiveher · 22/01/2015 19:21

That is shocking. I'd let your DH call anyone he wanted. I also think he should say to people that your sister deliberately went through private papers in your home when you left the room so they might want to be sure to lock up anything private if she is ever in their company/house.

LurcioAgain · 22/01/2015 19:24

She's appalling - I hope your DH does phone everyone and tell them what a complete shit she's been!

And good luck with the IVF - I too have had IVF and know how enormously stressful it is.

Ohfourfoxache · 22/01/2015 19:27

I second Canyou's suggestion re warning others of your sister's snooping - it's the perfect way to phrase it

Dizzbomb · 22/01/2015 19:28

YANBU AT ALL. She is 100% totally and absolutely in the wrong, i am disgusted by her actions. I would bollock her in front of everyone shes told.

DoJo · 22/01/2015 19:34

What a cunt she is. I can't believe she had the gall to let you see her perusing your personal documents as though she has any fucking business poking through your stuff! I'm glad your mother was lovely to you, but did she make it clear that she was livid with your sister as well as supportive to you? Because dragging her into it as well, and she should be fuming.

ouryve · 22/01/2015 19:44

Of course, you're not unreasonable. I'd be livid if anyone did that to me.

And telling her you had no spare money wasn't lying. If you can't afford not to have it back, you can't afford to lend it, therefore you had no spare money. It doesn't even matter if you were saving the money for a labioplasty or even a ridculously large boob job, it's your money to save for your needs and wants and it's already earmarked, so not spare.

Glad your DH is getting angry on your behalf.

WhatABaklava · 22/01/2015 19:52

Another one who's had IVF here and I ca totally understand how upset you are. It is entirely reasonable for you and your DH to have wanted this to be so etching only the two of your knew about - your sister is just awful.

Everyone who your sister told should also be told of the underhand and devious way she found out the information - so they are aware of what a witch she is.

Sorry you have been let down by someone you are supposed to be able to trust. Flowers

But good luck with the IVF - do not let this change anything. Just make sure she is kept well out of the loop.

Whocansay · 22/01/2015 19:53

I'm so sorry OP. Your sister is an utter bitch. I'm horrified that not only did she invade your privacy, but tried to use the information against you.

I would cut contact for that. I hope you're OK. Flowers

biggles50 · 22/01/2015 19:57

Text her saying this is what I'm going to say when people ask me about our plans let me know if I've missed anything out. "sorry it's not your fault but I'm not prepared to discuss the matter. We had told nobody but x went through some private papers and that's how she found out. She's now taken it upon herself to broadcast what is a personal matter and dh and I are still in shock. "

laughingmyarseoff · 22/01/2015 19:58

She's lucky if you speak to her again OP, snooping is bad and violating enough to tell everyone and then disparage your choice...I'd be going NC. She sounds like a truly horrible person, very selfish and very attention seeking.

laughingmyarseoff · 22/01/2015 20:00

I would also guess that she is purposefully telling people for her own attention, to gain validation that it's a 'waste of money' so she can talk you into helping her out- she's not doing it to help you. I can't believe someone close could be that cruel and horrible, she's really shown her true self.

ChippingInLatteLover · 22/01/2015 20:04

What an absolute bitch.

I'm so sorry that she has done this to you. It would be a cold day in hell before I spoke to her again.

I would let DH take chunks out of her.

I'm sorry there's no way to put the genie back in the bottle
:(

thenightsky · 22/01/2015 20:05

I bet she was snooping for bank statements to 'prove' you can afford to lend her money.

Bitch.

Angry
ChippingInLatteLover · 22/01/2015 20:05

I'd do what Biggles said too.

I'm just so hurt for you.

Original poster
Edenviolet · 22/01/2015 20:07

Dh does not want to change our plans, I just feel like now people know that people will ask and I will feel under pressure but he said to not think about that and just concentrate on us. Regardless of if we cancel this time now that people know it makes no difference when we go ahead.

Dh spoke to DM for a long time, he said she did seem a little upset that I hadn't trusted her enough to tell her but that she did understand and he told her exactly why we had not spoken about it. she is very annoyed with dsis and said she will be speaking to her.

OP posts:
halfwildlingwoman · 22/01/2015 20:09

Unforgiveable. I am so angry for you. How dare she? I hope you and your DH are able to feel better about this soon - don't forgive her, but move on so that you can relax and be in as good a place as possible for the treatment. I'm sorry.

skylark2 · 22/01/2015 20:09

Just tell everyone she's told that she found out by searching through a pile of personal paperwork in your kitchen when you left the room.

if they say "oh, she says it was just sitting on the top" then tell them she is lying, because why on EARTH would you leave something like that visible for a visitor to read?

paperlace · 22/01/2015 20:13

I'm so glad you have your dh and mum's support Thanks. They are the people who matter. She, unfortunately, doesn't care about you.

Clobbered · 22/01/2015 20:14

I agree with your DH. If the people who now know also know that they shouldn't know (see what I mean) and know what has happened with your sister, then if they have a shred of decency they will keep their mouths shut and NOT ask. If they do go ahead and ask, then I suggest you put them in the same camp as your sister.
Do you have an answer phone? If so, use it, or let DH take any calls. YOu are not obliged to answer the telephone or respond to every email and text. Inappropriate or intrusive questions don't deserve any response.
Good luck with your treatment.

quietlysuggests · 22/01/2015 20:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

justmyview · 22/01/2015 20:19

I totally understand why you're angry and upset. That's entirely appropriate. Some posters here are saying you should cut off ALL contact with your sister. I think that's probably over the top.

MinceSpy · 22/01/2015 20:20

OP your sis has done this on purpose, she knows exactly what she has done. Its very narcissistic behaviour and there will be long term consequences.

SkyHighWhy · 22/01/2015 20:21

Gutted for you. Hope those who know can be supportive without you feeling under pressure, and that things work out in the end for you and DH. As for your sister - words fail me.

MildDrPepperAddiction · 22/01/2015 20:21

Poor you waiting.

Your DH is right. Concentrate on you for now.

Good luck with your treatment. Smile

Greencurtain · 22/01/2015 20:27

Unless your sister is 17 and a bit of a teenage diva, then she is a total and utter nasty selfish bitch.

If stick to your plans though. Your DM probably will not pry as she knows it's private. I'd be limiting contact if I had a sister like that.