So angry and upset I may explode

[Edenviolet]

A close family member has obtained information regarding some medical issues/procedure and tests I have had/will be having done.

Its private, REALLY private. Something dh and I wanted to keep to ourselves.

The information was in paperwork (a letter and some general info) at my house that this family member has obviously snooped through. Now, for whatever reason she thinks it is appropriate to divulge this other members of the family/friends.

I feel heartbroken and also extremely angry. I don't want everybody to know and I actually feel violated. What sort of person goes through other people's paperwork then lets out private medical information?

AIBU to be this upset, and is there anything I can actually do (apart from hiding away and crying like I want to)

Tell anyone who asks that you have postponed for six months, but actually go ahead with your planned appointment. Your sister is an evil bitch, I would text her to say that you don't want to speak to her for the forseeable future and she should not contact you.

I told people I was having IVF, mostly because I was a moody bitch with all the hormones and I reckoned I had a better chance of getting away with it if people felt sorry for me. It's personal to everyone how they approach something like this and she had no business doing what she did. She has betrayed your trust and if she were my sister I would not let her back into my home again even if we got back on speaking terms.

I'm glad your dh is taking over and dealing with this, as he says you need to concentrate on you at the moment. I hope you do go ahead with the appointment, why should you put your life on hold or do something different because your sister has so betrayed your trust.

Good luck, I hope all goes well for you.

That's terrible of your sister.

If people start asking about the treatment around the date, can you just say abruptly, when there is something to know, we'll let you know or not

I hope it all goes well for you, good luck!

I second what another poster said, say you have postponed from x month until x month (but don't change it really) due to the stress caused by your sister, it might, even a teeny bit take some pressure off.
Find an expression that suits you - Dsis read private medical papers, she repeated what she found out to many people, she cannot ever be trusted again. I DO NOT wish to discuss this matter any further.
You and your husband can repeat it to everyone.
Best of luck with your IVF.

OP, what she's willingly done to you is truly awful & she deserves whatever comes back her way.

Try not to worry about other people. Make her ring everyone that knows & explain to them all that she snooped & passed on private information without your consent or knowledge & nobody is to speak to you about it.

If anyone asks you about it, give them all the same line that you don't want to talk about it to anyone but dh & if & when there's any news to share, you'll share it. If they push you say the same line again.

You will get through this but YANBU & Im so sorry your sister is such a bitch

I know it's not much consolation to you now but in the end she will be the loser. partly because if she needs any money in the future now , you and others who know that she has done this won't lend it to her and also very few people who find out that she did this will trust her again. The egg is on her face and she will be probably never shAke it off. People don't forget such gross breaches of trust. She will look stupid to everyone she has told. They will have been embarrassed by her telling them and not you and they won't trust her either .

OP I am another one who is furious on your behalf. I am ttc at the moment and I have pcos. It's a very hard road, and for similar reasons to you, I have told 2 friends only. Me and my sister are close, and I can't wait for the day I tell her that I'm pregnant, but if and when I ever mention our struggles, I can't imagine any other reaction than surprise and understanding.
As for the money aspect, her view is just plain selfish. She got herself into her situation, that's up to her to sort. Fertility treatment is definately not a waste of money!

I'm glad you've let your DH speak to people. He has every right to be furious and it must help to know he's so completely on your side.

Maybe tell people that you've decided to delay but then go ahead anyway? Just to offset the questions / pressure?

I am also furious for you. She sounds like an attention seeking bitch.

Could your mum find out exactly who your sister has told and tell them to respect your privacy from now on?

If anyone does ask (and they darn well shouldn't), just have a couple of stock phrases, such as: "I'm not talking about it; the only reason you know is because my sister snooped and blabbed."

One thing I picked up from one of your earlier posts is that she didn't want to "waste her money on rent", but she wanted to use your money for a deposit. I also think the snooping was about finances, and the blabbing was about spite.

It may be difficult for your mum to step completely up to the mark here, given that you're both her daughters, but that will depend on the history of the family dynamics. Very often, it's the offspring who hasn't sorted themselves out who get family/parents running around excusing their behaviour.

I agree that you should go ahead as planned. After all, no-one now will know whether you keep the appointment or change it. I suggest that you don't meet up with anyone who knows unless your DH is there to stamp on any unwanted attention. He sounds like a good wingman in dealing with the fallout from your sister's abysmal and cruel behaviour.

Wow, what your sister has done is unforgivable. And NOBODY has the right to be put out that you didn't tell them. Your mum is out of line for even letting you suspect she's "disappointed" you didn't tell her/trust her. THIS IS NOT ABOUT HER.

I am furious on your behalf OP. What a disgusting invasion of privacy. I would not have this person in my house again for this reason

Wow :(

op, and good luck!

What a bitch. I would never speak to her again. Don't delay your treatment unless you feel unable to relax in which case put it back a week or two. I hope it is successful, but if it weren't you don't want to wonder whether stress played a part. Whenever you do go ahead tell your family you have cancelled it and when you get your BFP you can tell them.

Good luck!

Don't put it off. Age is important in fertility. Plus - I bet you've waited long enough.
Lie that you've put it off if you like.
A good lie is that you can't proceed because your FSH level is too high and the clinic want to text it during your next period before deciding on drug protocol!

You are right to be furious and you should tell her to fuck right off. I'm so angry for you!

But... try to embrace the IVF. It's an amazing process and one we're so lucky to have as an option. My IVF daughter loves hearing about how she was made in a special and different way, and spent the first few days of her existence 5 miles away in a dish. The science is wonderful!
IVF is hope for you.
I totally understand that you don't want to share dates and have people ask, but secondary infertility is nothing to be ashamed of. It's wrong that she took away your choice of keeping it a secret. But maybe it puts pressure on you to have it a secret. Embrace where you are - about to go for it, and people who love you rooting for you! Just not with exact dates

Good luck!

I agree with other posters. Say you're too stressed (I know you are ) and are delaying it by 6/12 months so it gives you a bit of space.
Not sure if I were in your situation I'd ever speak to my sis again though.

Wow. So lending money to her isn't a waste of money but trying for a baby is? Wow.

So wrong on so many levels.

I wouldn't let her in the house again; and it would be a long time before I'd want to see or speak to her.

Agree with all the others. Be clear with everyone how the info was discovered and refuse to discuss further.

Beyond awful of her.

Ignore her and stick to your plans.

Do not waste any time protecting her. Anyone who knows and anyone who asks should be told exactly what your sister did.

She sounds like she thinks the world owes her a living. I hope your mum comes up to the mark. I know if I had done something like that my mum would have torn me off a strip and pulled no punches, no matter how old I was, in fact more so the older I was.

Please don't let her selfishness change your plans. Good luck.

Well done to your DH for hearing your mum out and not getting angry with her, she isn't the one to blame for the unforgivable behaviour of your sister.

He sounds like a real gem.

but you didn't lie, you said you had no spare money. It isn't your problem that she can't afford the deposit for a house and regardless of how much money you had you are entitled to say no.

Your sister is being totally unreasonable.

Wow! What an utter cunt she sounds. I think I would struggle to forgive this. You must be incandescent OP. Unless she crawls over hot coals to beg forgiveness within the next 24 hours I would cut her off.

Good luck with your treatment.

How are you doing today Waiting? Did you manage to get any sleep?

Thinking of you both x

What your sister has done is terrible, and I know you wanted your privacy. I am sure most people she told would not share her incredibly selfish attitude and would think you going for IVF was a) a good thing to try and b)not really any of their business. I mean your dm is a bit different as I assume she is very interested in you and your health and possible grandchildren and I am sure she just wants the best for you, but other people less close to you would be most likely to respect your wish to keep it between you and your dh for now.

Do not let this top you from keeping the appointment. Your dh sounds really lovely and the two of you are a strong unit. If you were my dd I would understand why you wanted it to be private and would be fuming with your nosy sister. As for her, no more cosy cups of tea, she cannot be trusted and needs to be told, probably by your dh, what she has done. I could probably forgive the snooping but not the gossiping. As for the money...words fail me. That money was not spare at all. It was for a very important thing that you and your dh saved for.
If you can now confide in your mum do so as she will be an additional support to you. I wish you all the best with the treatment. My cousin's dd had three ivf treatments as she had bad endometriosis. The result of treatment 3 starts school in September.
I wish you all the luck in the world.

Waiting

Morning. Hoping things don't look as bleak today. Greylady and livefast make good points above me.

Was thinking of you both. Please keep the appointment. Wishing you love luck and strength.

Chilli