So angry and upset I may explode

[Edenviolet]

A close family member has obtained information regarding some medical issues/procedure and tests I have had/will be having done.

Its private, REALLY private. Something dh and I wanted to keep to ourselves.

The information was in paperwork (a letter and some general info) at my house that this family member has obviously snooped through. Now, for whatever reason she thinks it is appropriate to divulge this other members of the family/friends.

I feel heartbroken and also extremely angry. I don't want everybody to know and I actually feel violated. What sort of person goes through other people's paperwork then lets out private medical information?

AIBU to be this upset, and is there anything I can actually do (apart from hiding away and crying like I want to)

Good luck, WaitingImpatient. I hope it goes well for you. Your dh is a sterling chap!

She blabbed to all and sundry full of what she thought was righteous fury, expecting those she told to be on her side. It hasn't worked out like that.

Instead it has shown up how she thought she had an automatic right to anything of yours she fancied, has no respect for you let alone your privacy and has the gall to say you are behaving badly by not seeing to her needs.
She expected you to be judged harshly by your family and friends and it has rebounded on her.

She will retreat and lick her wounds and either behave as if the incident didn't happen or try to twist it round to her favour.

I wouldn't blame you if you had no further dealings with her to protect your family. Let your husband take on the stress of this one, he is doing a fine job of it.

Best wishes.

Hire a PI to follow her round for a month and set up a website so people can get all up in her business... If that isn't an option has anyone got a borrow-able scary dog to guard your stuff? then only helpful thing I could suggest is posting or texting anyone you know telling them it's all lies, and making her seem to be a shit stirrer? Sorry for your situation and my unhelpfulness complete idiocy I hope karma (or preferably that big scary dog I mentioned) find her and bite her on the ass! for your love and a bi fat truckload of shunning for her xxx

I'm so sorry OP. Your sister is 100% in the wrong.

IMHO, this stuff is highly personal so it would be totally acceptable if you told everyone you decided on postpone treatment. Then carried on as planned.

I probably never let her inro my home again.

I'm so sorry that you've been betrayed so horribly and spitefully. Only you can know whether you want to have any contact in the future, and if you do, on what terms.

Your mother has no right to be upset that you didn't tell her, it is no ones business unless you choose to make it so, however close you are. There's no way I'd have told anyone when DH and I were TTC.

I wish you and your DH all the best.

As the cat is out of the bag, there is nothing much more you can do apart from speaking to that family member. Also go around telling everyone who knows to keep their mouth shut. Add in that you really wanted this matter to be private, therefore to respect that wish.

Have a good cry, then pull yourself together and go to take your anger out on that family member.

- glad your DH is dealing with this for you. Obviously a keeper

I'd add that if I were the relative with whom your sister is living, I'd appreciate the heads-up to know that I needed to keep all personal information under lock and key or to boot the nosy little madam out forthwith

I really hope karma kicks in and it works first time for you! And when you are snuggling that squishy bundle, this will become a far-off blur.

It does not excuse or minimize what she did and DHs totally justified anger should be in the region of Chernobyl-levels when he catches up with her. In the meantime, ignore, detach and enjoy some cake.

You are perfectly justified in feeling betrayed. Does she normally have issues with respecting boundaries ? Tbh I suspect most of those who she sees fit to tell will see her for what she is but there is no harm in reinforcing this with a standard response that it is a very personal situation and you have no intention of discussing it further.

I think you should go ahead with your plans, not to do so is allowing her control and interference.

Wow. Just wow.....

Dh spoke to dsis, she maintained she had done "nothing wrong in the slightest" and that we are at fault for being "selfish and keeping secrets".

DM had let us know that unfortunately dsis had spoken to her again about it and many other members of our family to tell them and let them know that "soon waiting will be the one desperate for money and you all need to unite and say no as it will just be thrown away on fertility treatment then she will know how it feels to go without something she wants"

Dh went ballistic, told her what a nasty, spineless person she is and that we will never be speaking to her ever again and as far as he is concerned she is dead.
He came home and had to make seven phone calls to various family members, repeat the same thing over and over, the one thing we wanted to be kept just between the two of us. Everybody was actually lovely and understanding but it was awkward.

Onwards and upwards though I guess. At least dsis has shown her true colours and we know where we stand.

I would have to cut her off after that too. What a bitch!

(((((( waiting )))))))
It can only get better from here

Oh dear waiting, that's horrible to have to deal with.

I'm glad your other family members were lovely and understanding. Hopefully knowing you have the support of everyone else will help a bit.

Your husband has been amazeballs

I would have nothing further to do with her if at all possible.

Seriously!? Fucking hell. That is one entitled, selfish bitch. I'm so sorry you've got to deal with this whilst Savin and waiting for treatment. I'm with your DH - NC and just ignoring her is the best thing you can do now. Hope the rest of the family supports you in this

Bloody hell, Waiting!

Your sister is vile.

Who on earth behaves like that?

Well done to your dh for standing up to her and contacting everyone she's been in touch with.

If a family member came to me and said what your sister has, I would only think badly of her. Who on earth sees money spent on fertility treatment as "wasted"?! How dare she!

I wish you and dh all the luck in the world with your treatment. You clearly have a strong relationship where you can rely on each other.

I'd have nothing to do with your sister again. She clearly has some very warped ideas. Even if you just hadn't wanted to lend her money with no reason behind it, you wouldn't have done anything wrong. She is not entitled to money from you.

You have had your privacy invaded by someone you trust and that must be very painful. Just remember you've done nothing wrong.

Dh has been wonderful, so supportive and just lovely

...he even ate his almonds and sunflower seeds (he hates them but I've devised a healthy eating plan and usually he moans a bit about it!)

I feel a lot better, still sad but better to find out now what a spectacular idiot dsis is than further down the line.

Waiting I didn't think your sister's behaviour could sink any lower and then I read your update.

Carry on with your life and plans and have nothing more to do with her, as hard as that may be, she doesn't deserve to be a part of your life.

"soon waiting will be the one desperate for money and you all need to unite and say no as it will just be thrown away on fertility treatment then she will know how it feels to go without something she wants"

It's all about the money with her, isn't it?

Does she have form for this sort of behaviour?

I always felt sorry for her, being so desperate for a little home of her own. Stockpiled home furnishings, furniture, crockery etc. her room was like a glorified 'bottom drawer'.
Time and time again I suggested renting a nice little flat but she cut me down with "I'm not wasting money on rent when I could use it towards a deposit". I offered to help her look but she refused.

She complains about her housing yet doesn't want to help herself and any sympathy I had is long gone. All she wants is ££££ for herself.

Oh. My. God!

She has always been preoccupied with money, likes nice things, always saving for something or buying something. Very into possessions over people that would be my only criticism of her up until this latest incident

Wow. She is something else.

I will just go and tell my DS he was a waste of money shall I?

Wishing you the very very best and I will be keeping my fingers crossed for you.

I would have loved more than one but even with wasting yet more money it wasnt to be.

Having had my eyes opened to some things regarding my sister I do understand how hurtful it can be to fi d things out about the relationship you thought you had.