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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to forego breastfeeding because I have very large breasts

159 replies

AlfieMoonOnaStick · 21/01/2015 17:28

I've read and re-read the literature that breast is best and the more natural: Stronger bond between me and our child, boosted immune system, cheaper,lol. And under normal circumstances I would likely go this route, regardless of pros and cons for formula. After all it is what we as a species have done for millenia (and am yet to see a bunny or indeed any other member of the natural world stocking up on Cow's Gate). Boot, my circumstances are a little removed from "normal", as are my boobies and I also ahve propriety to consider.

I have inherited old fashioned conservative American in-laws whose antiquated views would bankrupt the coffers of Cash in the Attic while almost making the Ahmish look risque. They still use words like courting and coffers -which I borrowed! So I am mindful of causing offence or doing anything they might deem disreputable. Such as talking while chewing or "obscenely" bf their grandchild. While at the same time not actually able to discuss the matter in full with mil who refers to a vagina as the mouth of creation.... in adult conversation. Believe you me, you don't want the remainder of the sentence it sprung from.

So as a consequence I dont even know if dh drank from the bottle, her breast or, that deep well of piety she submerges herself in. And he was too young to remember, so I don't have a clue how she might feel about the idea of walking in on her grandchild being airlifted onto the Hindenburg -that's the left nork, btw. Minus the explosion...for now.

Oh and before Im accused of being melodramatic, I'll just put that slight exaggeration into sharper perspective. I've always been overabundantly endowed (to channel my mil) but as of third trimester I'm involuntarily bra-free (and grievously leotardy - long story). As now my breasts are more significant, space wise that is, than my bump; splay somewhat out to my sides (but are not full at the top at all) and are past waist/crotch level
:-*> ...when standing, unclothed - just to be clear.

I'm on the short side yes. And no, not a size zero super hero, lol. But NONE of my extra weight is "downstairs". So look like a small planet on stumpy stilts (or what they might call in modern America an..... American), but with marginally more mobility if not grace and thankful for the worst winter in recent records. As it allows me to take up fulltime residence in heavy coats and ponchoes yay!! Because heaven knows the incessant gawping, pointing etc has become OTT. The BR discussion with hubby is the other white elephant in the maternity room. But at the moment am trying to put the baby ahead of the boobs, if only figuratively speaking!

Am torn, as whether to cop out and rely on formula milk. If so would you go organic? Even if i did bf I wouldnt dare do this in public. Look at what happened in celeb big brother the other day; would be mortified by similar incident. So we would be attempting to express into a bottle via pump, as best as possible. Anybody warn me of major difficulties for this, or is it do you need a Phd in physics? Otherwise, why not just take the next step and be done with it all together and just buy in? Or am I just being defeatist and lazy?

Alternatively, wet nursing was another option I looked at even if only for a few months, but dh is not keen on idea, has stopped making jokes now and moody on subject and developments in general. Will that automatically resign me to the crumby mummy parenting blacklist? One mother, I heard, referred to formula as arsenic with Saatchi marketing (presumably pre-Nigella). I wouldn't like to think I was poisoning my soon-to-be little one just because of self absorption, if I am being self absorbed that is. end essay. tia

OP posts:
TendonQueen · 21/01/2015 17:31

I would do what you want to do, never mind your in laws and their views on anything. They've had their turn. I am gifted Grin in the chest area too and a feeding cushion was invaluable. Otherwise it posed no problems.

PourquoiTuGachesTaVie · 21/01/2015 17:31

If you want to bf then do it. If you don't then don't. But letting what others think decide for you is stupid imo. it's your baby and your body.

Orangeanddemons · 21/01/2015 17:33

I couldn't get a bra to fit when I tried to breast feed, and I nearly smothered ds. So I stopped trying....I looked ridiculous

Hobsandpeanuts · 21/01/2015 17:33

I am large of knocker (FF cup size) and I had no problems bf, managed well over a year.

I did find that when DS was smaller I had to hold my breast in such a way that his nose wasn't covered. That was not difficult.

I'm of the do whatever you like camp when it comes to feeding your baby, but if you want to bf don't let your size put you off.

lostlalaloopsy · 21/01/2015 17:41

I also have huge boobs - 32 JJ. Breastfeeding was ok, stressful at times as I was very self conscious. Could not get a scent feeding bra that fitted so had very sore back. I also was very worried about smothering ds so used to feed him at a very awkward angle.

But I breastfed all 3 of mine, it can be done but it's completely up to you.

Chilicosrenegade · 21/01/2015 17:42

Even if mil lives with you I cannot see an issue. You don't have to do it in front of people if you don't want to. I bf for 14 mths twice. Never once did it where I don't want to. And I did it in restaurants or private rooms.

Quite what does it have to do with mil? That's just finding a reason.

See how you feel once bubba here. An awful lot of things I thought one way, reversed themselves once I had baby here!

selsigfach · 21/01/2015 17:44

34g here and feeding as I type without problem. Your in laws have nothing to do with how you feed your baby. If anyone is offended by a mother feeding her child, tough.

SASASI · 21/01/2015 17:44

If you don't want to BF dont.
But don't think big breasts will hinder you.

DS is 5 months & I still have to 'c' cup my boobs for him because they are so large & heavy. Also second what another poster said about having it maje sure his nose wasn't covered.

I BF in public all the time although I've always had someone with me - so far! Wear a stretchy vest under a normal too, pull normal top up & stretchy vest down et viola - no one can see anything unless they are looking very hard! Oh & a bf bra of course. I find jojo Maman bebe own brand the best, usually if you buy 2 @ £14 each you get a £5 off.

DoJo · 21/01/2015 17:45

Large breasts can make it a bit more difficult to be discrete, but there is no reason why you shouldn't even try because of your in-laws. You might try and hate it, you might love it and be glad you didn't bow to potential pressure from anyone else or you might want to mix breast and bottle feeding to suit your whim at any given moment.
I mostly expressed (not hard technically, but not everyone can, even with the most abundant supply) and bottle fed when we were out, not to protect my modesty, but because I liked feeling as though I wasn't just a feeding machine every so often, so this might work for you as a good compromise.

DisappointedOne · 21/01/2015 17:45

I was a K cup when DD was born. I couldn't get a nursing bra and for various reasons (very large but flat nipples and a baby with no sucking reflex or hunger) I couldn't get her to latch. I expressed milk for her for around 8 months. Fucking hardest thing I've ever done but meant I didn't have to undress whenever we were out and I didn't have to use formula. Best of both worlds in my view. Hard work to keep supply up though.

DoJo · 21/01/2015 17:46

DYAC! Discreet!

AnguaResurgam · 21/01/2015 17:47

I'm 36G in a non-pg/bf state, and was a band and several cup sizes bigger back then. Being huge of nork doesn't prevent you breastfeeding.

And large maternity bras seem much better these days - try Hot Milk.

Also, as long as you find a suitably twee phrase, your MIL may well approve.

DixieNormas · 21/01/2015 17:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Seff · 21/01/2015 17:48

It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. About BF, FF, being 'discreet', whatever. It doesn't matter. Don't feel you can't BF in public because of others, but if you don't want to, don't.

Forget everyone else, and make your decision based on YOU.

SoupDragon · 21/01/2015 17:49

the mouth of creation

Hahahahaha! [wheeze]

Um... Sorry. Personally, I would give it a go. You don't know how it's going to be until you try it and I did not feed in front of my in laws or my parents at all when my precious firstborn son was an infant. Through my choice I went off to feed in private. I never fed in public either. I was more confident with subsequent children though.

Do what you want to do but I wouldn't dismiss breastfeeding from the actual source before trying it. Expressing could be a PITA as you kind of end up with the worst parts of breast and bottle feeding with the added pumping thrown in. Probably not what you want in the early days.

cedricsneer · 21/01/2015 17:50

Another k cup with very soft boobs. Happily fed 3 kids for 2 years each.

TheFriar · 21/01/2015 17:51

Large breast here too (GG size). Their size as such has never been a problem even though I found I needed two hands rather than just one to hold the baby.

Because of my large boobs (?), I am so have very merge nipples and that causes problem at the start. They were just too big for my baby's mouth so ended up with lots of pain, scabs etc in the first few weeks. However, once he had grown enough, it had never been an issue and I bfed for a year.

Re your MIL. Just do what you want to do!! It's your body, your baby. You can do whatever you want with your breasts.

ShatterResistant · 21/01/2015 17:52

Can you still get a wet nurse?

makeminea6x · 21/01/2015 17:52

Ridiculous boobs here (36?M at there largest (can't buy nursing bras bigger than a L cup) and bf 2 babies ok. Few issues with my DD but fortunately Hmm my DS is also massive so he wasn't phased!
I agree with pp, do what you want. That might mean ff, or mixed feeding so you don't have to nurse in public, or bf and sod the ILs! Your norks, your decision.
Oh yeah and massive tits are great for night time lying down feed-snoozes

AnguaResurgam · 21/01/2015 17:53

Hot Milk bras go up to a 42H

ShatterResistant · 21/01/2015 17:54

Not very well worded. What I mean is, are wet nurses still a thing?

RoyallyFuckedOff · 21/01/2015 17:57

I'd be surprised if your conservative American inlaws (at least the MIL anyway) didn't breastfeed. Especially if they are Christian. IME they almost always tend to. Covered and quietly but boobs get used "as god intended".

But whatever she did it really has no fuckign bearing on how you raise your kid. Do it if you want don;t if you don't.

Your best bet is to try and see how you go. Every drop counts and colostrum is the most important anyway. So try it and see if it works for you

ContentedSidewinder · 21/01/2015 17:59

Another big boobed woman here, think I was a G cup or H, had to make a boob sandwich ie hold my breast and squish the nipple area to get ds2 to latch properly. I had an amazing book that talked through larger breasted women feeding.

I have a photo of myself breastfeeding in hospital and my poor wee boy's head is so much smaller than the boob! But I felt uncomfortable feeding in front of my in-laws so I never did. I went into another room. Just like they have never seen me in a pair of pyjamas, it just never feels right. My family saw me feed but we are closer.

You just have to do what is right for you. I did mix feeding in the end due to ds2 having issues with his tongue, and expressing is doable but also a real commitment as you bottle feed and also express so a lot of time is spent feeding.

WeAllHaveWings · 21/01/2015 17:59

38H and had no problems, positioning was sometimes awkward but don't know if it would have been easier if they were smaller. Do whatever's right for you and your baby.

Purpledaisy3 · 21/01/2015 18:04

Whilst I have the greatest of sympathy I couldn't help but giggle a little bit- your MIL sounds like my ex's mum (gran to my eldest 2) and I pretty much BF just because they objected (I was young and rebellious back then).

On a more serious note, do what you want to do, and never mind anyone else. I used to enjoy the 'feeding breaks' when I could avoid them to have a quiet cuddle, formula milk is not poision, but expressing is also an option x