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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to forego breastfeeding because I have very large breasts

159 replies

AlfieMoonOnaStick · 21/01/2015 17:28

I've read and re-read the literature that breast is best and the more natural: Stronger bond between me and our child, boosted immune system, cheaper,lol. And under normal circumstances I would likely go this route, regardless of pros and cons for formula. After all it is what we as a species have done for millenia (and am yet to see a bunny or indeed any other member of the natural world stocking up on Cow's Gate). Boot, my circumstances are a little removed from "normal", as are my boobies and I also ahve propriety to consider.

I have inherited old fashioned conservative American in-laws whose antiquated views would bankrupt the coffers of Cash in the Attic while almost making the Ahmish look risque. They still use words like courting and coffers -which I borrowed! So I am mindful of causing offence or doing anything they might deem disreputable. Such as talking while chewing or "obscenely" bf their grandchild. While at the same time not actually able to discuss the matter in full with mil who refers to a vagina as the mouth of creation.... in adult conversation. Believe you me, you don't want the remainder of the sentence it sprung from.

So as a consequence I dont even know if dh drank from the bottle, her breast or, that deep well of piety she submerges herself in. And he was too young to remember, so I don't have a clue how she might feel about the idea of walking in on her grandchild being airlifted onto the Hindenburg -that's the left nork, btw. Minus the explosion...for now.

Oh and before Im accused of being melodramatic, I'll just put that slight exaggeration into sharper perspective. I've always been overabundantly endowed (to channel my mil) but as of third trimester I'm involuntarily bra-free (and grievously leotardy - long story). As now my breasts are more significant, space wise that is, than my bump; splay somewhat out to my sides (but are not full at the top at all) and are past waist/crotch level
:-*> ...when standing, unclothed - just to be clear.

I'm on the short side yes. And no, not a size zero super hero, lol. But NONE of my extra weight is "downstairs". So look like a small planet on stumpy stilts (or what they might call in modern America an..... American), but with marginally more mobility if not grace and thankful for the worst winter in recent records. As it allows me to take up fulltime residence in heavy coats and ponchoes yay!! Because heaven knows the incessant gawping, pointing etc has become OTT. The BR discussion with hubby is the other white elephant in the maternity room. But at the moment am trying to put the baby ahead of the boobs, if only figuratively speaking!

Am torn, as whether to cop out and rely on formula milk. If so would you go organic? Even if i did bf I wouldnt dare do this in public. Look at what happened in celeb big brother the other day; would be mortified by similar incident. So we would be attempting to express into a bottle via pump, as best as possible. Anybody warn me of major difficulties for this, or is it do you need a Phd in physics? Otherwise, why not just take the next step and be done with it all together and just buy in? Or am I just being defeatist and lazy?

Alternatively, wet nursing was another option I looked at even if only for a few months, but dh is not keen on idea, has stopped making jokes now and moody on subject and developments in general. Will that automatically resign me to the crumby mummy parenting blacklist? One mother, I heard, referred to formula as arsenic with Saatchi marketing (presumably pre-Nigella). I wouldn't like to think I was poisoning my soon-to-be little one just because of self absorption, if I am being self absorbed that is. end essay. tia

OP posts:
BigCatFace · 22/01/2015 03:12

YANBU, your body, your choice, and you have a fantastic way with words :)

softlysoftly · 22/01/2015 03:28

34LL over here and feeding DD3 aged 7 months in public,

The beauty of big boobs is i just scoop and flop out of a notmal bra i buy from Curvy Kate.not recommended at all but there you go.

I've hsd 1 comment from my sister about it looking like I'm trying to force feed my dainty baby a watermelon but that is all.

Do as you please but it might b worth it judt to get some horrified peace from the ILs.

DXBMermaid · 22/01/2015 04:38

I found my nursing cover invaluable. I fed anywhere and only accidently managed to expose myself once. Quickly learnt to put nork back in bra before lifting baby Grin

I'm assuming you have your own room at MoC? Feed there for the first few weeks till you get the hang of it.

I truly hope that you won't let your MIL's sense of propiety (sp?) influence your choice!

Good luck with whatever you decide.

DXBMermaid · 22/01/2015 04:40

Just looked on nursingbraexpress.com and they go up to M cup.

DXBMermaid · 22/01/2015 04:59

Just looked on nursingbraexpress.com and they go up to M cup.

FishWithABicycle · 22/01/2015 05:12

I'm about 38G normally. Went up to HH when bf-ing.

Your MIL sounds great fun, but please don't let your guesses about her view make you choose something for your baby that you wouldn't otherwise, OR blame your perception of her view to justify a decision you actually want to make anyway. You do what is right for your baby and for you and sod everyone else. There are plenty of ways to cover up if you want to. You have every right to choose to let it all hang out. You have every right to choose bottle without having to feel guilty and blame MIL if that's what works for you.

Learning to bf with big boobs has its challenges but it's not that much more tricky.

OliviaRinHerts · 22/01/2015 05:50

Everyone has given their advice .... Do what you want and feel comfortable with but formula is not poison. I did buy organic as we supplemented bf with one formula feed a day for a few weeks but gave the formula up eventually. However I don't think organic is necessary- just made me feel better.

I would be inclined to breastfeed to prove a point but if you will be unhappy then don't. It's a tough time emotionally and physically And Breastfeeding isn't always easy so perhaps see how you go. I don't have massive boobs but I still felt I smothered ds in the early days but it improved when he started growing and now I love it and don't want to stop.

The only thing I will say is that you don't want to regret what you do at a later date so maybe start off Breastfeeding and at least give it a try.

Good luck!

OrangeMochaFrappucino · 22/01/2015 06:02

34G pre-pregnancy, nine months into bfing and I'm a 36H. I buy lovely underwired supportive bras from Bravissimo and convert them into nursing bras using conversion kits off eBay. I'm not a particularly discreet feeder but we're down to a couple of feeds a day now anyway - the feeding all the time stage doesn't last forever. I think even if your MIL doesn't like it at first, she'll get used to it.

I like Seraphine nursing tanks, I find that my most 'modest' option. Feeding in public feels odd at the beginning but it quickly becomes not a big deal. Hope all goes well!

slithytove · 22/01/2015 09:01

www.lazyseamstress.net/2012/07/adapting-regular-bra-into-nursing-bra.html

I got the clips off ebay

slithytove · 22/01/2015 09:03

Then do layers. Loose vest tops mean you push the bottom on up and top one down and only the nipple pokes out. Fleshy boobie is covered.

QOD · 22/01/2015 09:10

Formula is not the Devils food. Dd did fine. Do what YOU want

AnythingNotEverything · 22/01/2015 09:12

That bra conversion is super easy. You might need something no wired/softer for the first month while your supply and size settles (that said, you might not). I found I shrunk back through the sizes I wore during pregnancy, so didn't even need to buy new bras for feeding.

SASASI · 22/01/2015 09:24

Just sthing else to add - DS won't feed under a cover. I got one of those bebe au lait things, a poncho etc but DS will not feed under anything plus I still hold my breast & need to see what he is doing. Sometimes I put a muslin over my shoulder but more often than not just the one top down one top up method.

DinosaurFarmer · 22/01/2015 09:25

I have GGs (HHs after pregnancy) and breastfed both DSs to about 6 months. I found a feeding cushion and the 'rugby ball hold' feeding position worked really well for me. Also layering of clothes I.e vest tops under tops so could pull one up and one down meant I could feed without flashing too much wobbly flesh!

Hated the non wired nursing bras though!

HazleNutt · 22/01/2015 09:27

As others have said, your boobs and your baby - if you want to BF then that's more important than whatever your MIL might think. No need to feed under her nose, if you don't want to. Of course formula is not poison, and your baby would be totally fine, but I do think it would be a shame to miss out on all benefits on BF, if the only reason is an old-fashioned MIL.

I was an HH when feeding, not a problem. Converted bras into nursing bras myself, and wore two tops. So when feeding, you push one up, pull the other one down and you know show very little, no matter what size boobs you have.

ShatnersBassoon · 22/01/2015 09:31

Just please yourself. I'm certain you could find a way to clothe yourself comfortably for breastfeeding if you wanted to.

If MIL dares to pass comment, tell her, succinctly, without all the verbose joke stuff, to do one. She'll understand.

Bumbiscuits · 22/01/2015 09:51

When I breastfed I shudder to think what size my boobs got to, especially in the early days (34g usually). There's a photo of DD2 and I when she's tiny. She's being fed, her head is soooo far away from mine, although you can't see any breast you can work out the size of them by distance she is from the rest of me Grin. I BFd her until she was just over 2 in the end.

I didn't get on with feeding bras after the first couple of months. I wore my stretchiest bras and bought loads of thin stretchy vests from Primark. The trick is to pull the vest down while pulling your top up (or second vest). No flesh is exposed.

Tbh I was less worried about flashing boob as the more polite people (most folk,IME) avert their gaze, and more worried about flashing my belly.

Not RTFT but would like to say that you should base your decision about BFing or FF (or a mix) on your own thoughts and feelings, not your MIL's, or anyone else.

I'd love to hear more about your MIL, she sounds fabulous.

GobblersKnob · 22/01/2015 10:04

Your boobs, body and baby, entirely your decision, be influenced by facts but not by other peoples opinions its none of their business.

Btw you write beautifully :)

Iamyourmil · 22/01/2015 10:06

My sister has big breasts ( Sophia Loren would look small next to hear) but she managed to breastfeed 3 children with no problems other than mastitis twice ( we can all get mastitis).

AlfieMoonOnaStick · 22/01/2015 11:41

ContentedSidewinder you really get my picture. I would never see mil in pyjamas or vice versa. Is that amazing bf book available online, or as an ebook? I think I'm going to be less lucky finding your unique brand of sandwich at pret-a-manger! lol

OP posts:
AlfieMoonOnaStick · 22/01/2015 12:27

@TattyDevine&Co>>

In your rare moments of me-time, before curling up on the sofa, you've probably plucked a grape or two handfuls and nonchalantly plonked the bunch back in the fridge while wistfully wondering why they are no longer my number one go-to fruity nibble. (Or probably not; as I've never mentioned it AND Galaxy do those peel and re-seal packs in Blighty now. Sssew why would you be nibbling nature's bubblewrap when... mmm Hazelnut selection nom nom?)

Anyway, its not because boffins have crossed pineapples with strawberries, dailymail had pictures lol, and the pineberry harvest of Frankenstein has stormed up my snack chart. No.

At my mils "You must prune your selection of grapes from the bunch using an appropriate cutting utensil, not a table knife." Her sometimes condescending tongue, perhaps. "Leaving the remainder of the bunch with the illusion of being intact for whomsoever may proceed you."

Can't help but think she has confused grapes with Kelly Brook's hymen. Although, interestingly, she has no idea who KB is.

So, what was once a mouth-watering indulgence has been transformed into eye-watering exacting surgery: I have the dexterity to excise 41 grapes, Mrs Devine. Wait! Let me recount... Take your eye off the particularly juicy one nestled in the heart of the bunch entire. Not at least until Saturday. We focus on the left ventricle... ok 43 grapes, 43. Don't say 42. I'll have to cut along the vine's minor artery. In this case 42 is not the answer to everything!

DH doesn't really eat grapes. I'm not saying that there's a correlation. Incidentally fil isn't an avid consumer of grapes either. Not in their solid form anyway, lol.

What I am saying is don't bring me any grapes while I'm in hospital. Or I'll be waiting till they're raisins (apparently they wither and fall from the vine of their own accord after how many years) just to leave peaceably. On the flipside it would resolve the whole bf/ff conundrum, as I'd be delivering a fully formed toddler in such time. So on second thoughts...

For what it's worth though, she really does mean well despite it all. While we save for our own place, we are living with mil rent free 100%. Thankfully! Or she would likely request that all varieties of dollar bills be presented to her in ascending order of presidential popularity, after being starched and ironed as a mark of respect (to her not the presidents). I'm kidding.... at least about the ironing. She is that blindly patriotic though.
kisses

OP posts:
AlfieMoonOnaStick · 22/01/2015 13:01

Hugs to all the voices of reason AND voices of treason in some cases! I don't want a frosty stand off with mil! However I will attempt to engineer a situation where she can air her views, if only indirectly.

Didn't realise I had posted in the wrong thread as I am new to the site and grasping how to navigate. Newbie booby! I don't even know how to follow your other posts, alerts etc or use emoticons :( lol. But you we're all great! QTpie, AnythingNotEverything, squizita, purpledaisy3, hotcupofjoe, Jellydinosaur I can't name you all!! I will search "bf problems" just for any other tips and deffo click the links you all gave me.

Alot of my bf fears were debunked by similarly bosomed women and the funny thing is it seems that it will be the size and shape of the nipple not the breast itself that will be the bigger PITA.

Oh wet nurses are available here ShatteredResistance, but it's more a word of mouth thing than craigslist. Not that I've craiglisted it - was too busy looking for pineberries lol. And while it may save a few blushes in public and private, I think there is a bit of stigma attached to it that I'd rather avoid. It was just an option.

Mainly, I just neurotically fret about not having that bond with my newborn and potentially, inadvertently raising the Similac serial killer who strangles his mother with her own boobs for not even having the fortitude to at least try bf: that Sainsburys formula you fed me with mom well I COULD "Taste the Difference" mom, that was the problem. That's why the gnomes have no heads yada yada yada. Police sirens.

BOOT (in joke), I've been educated on here to at least, not take everything I first hear about different forms of milk as gospel. On a different note what threads in general do you recommend? I agree aibu isn't the same as the rest of mumsnet. ciao

OP posts:
Latara · 22/01/2015 13:09

My friend (with 5 week old cute baby) is bottle feeding at present.

She always hated the idea of breastfeeding & wanted her husband to join in with feeding too, so that's why they decided on formula (non-organic). Her baby is healthy & putting on the correct amount of weight.

When I have a baby (hopefully in the not too far future) I would love to breast feed but I'm on lots of meds that mean I will have to use formula too.

So don't feel bad if you do choose to bottle feed, but to be honest I don't think you can be 'too big' to breast feed..

Latara · 22/01/2015 13:13

By the way I was bottle fed & I have a great bond with my mother, and so does my sister & my friends with their mothers (all bottle fed). So I don't think the bond is affected by how you feed your baby.

Definitely my friend's bottle-fed baby knows when she's not with her mum and so far they have bonded well.

Jackieharris · 22/01/2015 13:23

Pre pregnancy I'm a J cup and yes my breast was bigger than DD's head but we managed to do it.

I don't really get all the mil references. Just go into your room to feed if you want.