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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to forego breastfeeding because I have very large breasts

159 replies

AlfieMoonOnaStick · 21/01/2015 17:28

I've read and re-read the literature that breast is best and the more natural: Stronger bond between me and our child, boosted immune system, cheaper,lol. And under normal circumstances I would likely go this route, regardless of pros and cons for formula. After all it is what we as a species have done for millenia (and am yet to see a bunny or indeed any other member of the natural world stocking up on Cow's Gate). Boot, my circumstances are a little removed from "normal", as are my boobies and I also ahve propriety to consider.

I have inherited old fashioned conservative American in-laws whose antiquated views would bankrupt the coffers of Cash in the Attic while almost making the Ahmish look risque. They still use words like courting and coffers -which I borrowed! So I am mindful of causing offence or doing anything they might deem disreputable. Such as talking while chewing or "obscenely" bf their grandchild. While at the same time not actually able to discuss the matter in full with mil who refers to a vagina as the mouth of creation.... in adult conversation. Believe you me, you don't want the remainder of the sentence it sprung from.

So as a consequence I dont even know if dh drank from the bottle, her breast or, that deep well of piety she submerges herself in. And he was too young to remember, so I don't have a clue how she might feel about the idea of walking in on her grandchild being airlifted onto the Hindenburg -that's the left nork, btw. Minus the explosion...for now.

Oh and before Im accused of being melodramatic, I'll just put that slight exaggeration into sharper perspective. I've always been overabundantly endowed (to channel my mil) but as of third trimester I'm involuntarily bra-free (and grievously leotardy - long story). As now my breasts are more significant, space wise that is, than my bump; splay somewhat out to my sides (but are not full at the top at all) and are past waist/crotch level
:-*> ...when standing, unclothed - just to be clear.

I'm on the short side yes. And no, not a size zero super hero, lol. But NONE of my extra weight is "downstairs". So look like a small planet on stumpy stilts (or what they might call in modern America an..... American), but with marginally more mobility if not grace and thankful for the worst winter in recent records. As it allows me to take up fulltime residence in heavy coats and ponchoes yay!! Because heaven knows the incessant gawping, pointing etc has become OTT. The BR discussion with hubby is the other white elephant in the maternity room. But at the moment am trying to put the baby ahead of the boobs, if only figuratively speaking!

Am torn, as whether to cop out and rely on formula milk. If so would you go organic? Even if i did bf I wouldnt dare do this in public. Look at what happened in celeb big brother the other day; would be mortified by similar incident. So we would be attempting to express into a bottle via pump, as best as possible. Anybody warn me of major difficulties for this, or is it do you need a Phd in physics? Otherwise, why not just take the next step and be done with it all together and just buy in? Or am I just being defeatist and lazy?

Alternatively, wet nursing was another option I looked at even if only for a few months, but dh is not keen on idea, has stopped making jokes now and moody on subject and developments in general. Will that automatically resign me to the crumby mummy parenting blacklist? One mother, I heard, referred to formula as arsenic with Saatchi marketing (presumably pre-Nigella). I wouldn't like to think I was poisoning my soon-to-be little one just because of self absorption, if I am being self absorbed that is. end essay. tia

OP posts:
squizita · 21/01/2015 21:14

Do what you want.
Don't do what your in laws want.
Don't do what melodramatic perfect mums want.
If neither of those parties existed, what would you decide to do?

QTPie · 21/01/2015 21:18

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

listsandbudgets · 21/01/2015 21:24

38H here and fed both DD and DS without problem until they were 2. I did it anywhere and everywhere they were hungry - bus (most fellow passengers preferred it to screaming baby Grin ), days out, in front of in laws and family.

In nearly 4 years of breastfeeding (between 2 DC's) I only ever had half a dozen comments and they were all supportive members of the public with the exception of an idiotic manager in Macdonalds who tried to chuck me out for feeding DD - he threatend to call the police and I encouraged him to do so. He didn't and I stayed Grin

JustMarriedBecca · 21/01/2015 21:26

BF here and am a GG pre baby, off the scale now....Positioning was an issue so we mainly did rugby hold. But that was more because DD is super long.

Sod being discreet. I had proper nursing tops....I couldn't get to grips with feeding capes or lifting jumpers up either. Boobs everywhere.

Blanketontheground · 21/01/2015 21:28

Make the choice that's right for you. That's what women do.

listsandbudgets · 21/01/2015 21:29

By the way - breastfeeding was MY CHOICE it does not mean it has to be your. I jsut wanted to add to the chorus of reassurance that if that is what you choose to do big breasts really are not a barrier.

MsMarple · 21/01/2015 21:47

I was a GG when breastfeeding. With a vest under my top, and sometimes a cardy or artful draping of scarf down the side I don't think I ever flashed too much in public. You can get big cover-ups too which are super-discrete.

The biggest advantage of having above average boobs was that it was REALLY easy to feed lying down, without even moving much to change sides (!) so, especially with my first when I had no older child jumping on my head, evenings spent cluster feeding were actually a lovely and relaxing time to rest, bond with my son, and read some trashy novels too in the comfort of my own bed. Oh I miss those days!

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Cheby · 21/01/2015 21:47

HH here and am still bf DD who is 21 months. It was a two handed job for me until I got a good bf cushion (MyBrestFriend) which was limiting in terms of TV channel changing/ Mumsnet, but as I said the pillow solved that problem. After about 9 months she sat up to feed to I stopped using it.

Marmiteandjamislush · 21/01/2015 21:56

Re BF: It's your body and your choice. However, I don't think that not liking people speaking whilst chewing, makes your in laws heinous Victorian beasts tbh it is horrible to see and hear.

hotcupofjoe · 21/01/2015 22:16

If so would you go organic
No, I wouldn't. All formula in the UK is pretty much identical. None is healthier or better than the other and Aptamil is not "the closest to breastmilk" despite it being commonly believed, by both parents and some midwives/HCP. They have outstanding marketing though. The marketing and advertisement of infant formulas to the general public is prohibited in the UK, but is allowed to HCP.

If you decide to FF, then select whatever is cheapest/most convenient for you and see what your baby gets on with.

ShatnersBassoon · 21/01/2015 22:22

Now where's that op gone?

PurpleCrazyHorse · 21/01/2015 22:32

I wasn't massive of chest when I BF DD but I was super anxious about BFing in front of parents/PIL. PIL where fine and I practised in front of a mirror so I could see what I was exposing Grin The only person I didn't BF in front of was my dad and I went upstairs to feed DD, or we timed our visits to be between feeds. Even with a BFing shawl, I felt awkward if in the same room as him.

I'd say give it a go if you want to and see what happens. Don't worry about PIL, you can use the two top approach described in other posts (I used that), get a shawl to drape over you & baby (some have metal in the top that means you can still look down and see the baby) or indeed pop off to another room.

Otherwise, FF isn't awful and lots of us were FF by our parents. If FF genuinely makes you feel less awkward then go for it, you're not going to harm your baby. But make sure it's your decision what you do.

CrispyFern · 21/01/2015 22:34

People liked the way that was written? Really?
It made my head hurt.
Maybe it's just me.

Anyway, do whatever suits you.
If you don't want to breastfeed, use formula. A wet nurse for no real reason would be too fucking weird.
If you do want to, don't be put off by your in laws funny ways.
There must be advice on Kellymom about big boobs. I can't advise you with my AAs.

Honeydragon · 21/01/2015 22:49

I assume your dh got into your MIL the usual way?

I'd be more worried she might be judging you for not having conceived using the piety intercourse method than panicking over boobs being larger than baby.

VeloWoman · 21/01/2015 22:51

Jesus was breastfed, if its good enough for the son of god I am sure it will be good enough for your inlaws.

Manyproblemsinthishouse · 21/01/2015 23:00

I was a dainty size 8 and when gave birth my boobies were a 34H, I couldn't even see DD's face let alone latch., the bf specialist looked as if she was at a loss!
Do what you want, trying made me feel better.. Not being able to didn't upset me in the slightest but don't let other people decide for you!
As for organic milk, they are all the same IMO I wouldn't bother but if it makes you feel better go for it..

TattyDevine · 21/01/2015 23:01

Is it just me who wants to hear a little more about your inlaws? Grin

Throw me a few more nuggets.

AlfieMoonOnaStick · 21/01/2015 23:51

Delighted to hear mood-lifting general advice from everyone and specific truths from others in very similar boats, or should that be ships, makeminea6x aleight orangeandemons. Can't bare my soul and/or go full Oprah over here as I am the local oddity - much to my mils chagrin (chagrin? darn I thought it was MY mother RIP I'm supposed to turn into not mil). Sorry, did mean annoyance for those of you residing in the 21st century.

Me? I'm residing in my mils house with dh (to make ends meet) and apologies if I made those details as clear as the plot of Inception being read aloud by Sylvester Stallone. That's why she features so prominently in my neurotic angst, and I guess I am over-thinking things Girlwhowearsglasses, though Bridget Jones no doubt begs to differ with us both, lol.

My current "ridiculous" appearance, although she doesn't intimate as much, is cause for social embarrassment. She was visibly shaken by some of the lewd comments people threw at us while in the city mall. Which I could cope with being British. She, however, is from a bygone era where men likely threw coats over puddles on the ground as a courtesy without receiving citations for littering as they would now. But she means well despite being set in her ways and ours at times. I imagine the idea of me bf anywhere outside of the safety of a sanatorium would be a humiliating blow to her perceived social esteem. Thus my reticence to embrace that as a resolution.

Yet, I too suspect she did bf just as nature intended but she is conveniently just as modest of body as she is of behaviour. I feel in my gut (a baby kicking obviously and that) she wants me to follow the most discrete option that preserves my womanhood and her vestigial social standing. My failing, (I say failing, I have many) is that I am a bit of a people pleaser unless you all disagree lol! So I'm struggling to reconcile my ambition to be this Mary Poppins of motherhood and take on board her ideas of decorum at the same time. A number of you already outted me, so I'll own it and Shatnersbasson if you are for sale because you really made me giggle.

OP posts:
slithytove · 22/01/2015 00:01

If you can't get a bra, buy the clips and adapt a normal bra, it's what I've done and saved so much money. I'm a 36 g so not ridiculously big but not small, I have to hold my nipple so not to suffocate dc. It's still brilliant and discreet.

AlfieMoonOnaStick · 22/01/2015 00:02

Marmiteandjamislush: body swap? You are the daughter she always wanted, lol.

Manyproblemsinthishouse; hotcupofjoe: thankyou, had no idea about the organics sleight of hand.

honeydragon: position of birthing partner understudy is yours. I'm still giggling typing this.

OP posts:
DisappointedOne · 22/01/2015 00:02

Where did you get the clips? I couldn't find anybody selling any!

StaircaseAtTheUniversity · 22/01/2015 00:11

I was a 36FF before baby and am now a 36MM. Didn't even know such a bra size existed before I looked for a bra. Have managed to bf no issue, once I got used to holding my boob in the right way (like a large sandwich) and can do it discreetly too. Just go for it.

AlfieMoonOnaStick · 22/01/2015 00:12

slithylove: details pleeease. Or even a link, if possible. Similarly to makeminea6x, I was literally oozing out of the KK I had - under the arms and the cups. And the last thing i want is to look "tarty" on top of ridiculous. Am improvising with leotards and body sculpting but obviously thats not going to work for bf. I know rigby and peller do custom but if I'm going to take out a mortgage its going to be for our very own home not a bespoke bra.

OP posts:
flicksake · 22/01/2015 00:19

34jj breast feeding, now 34 ff, managed fine ??

AlfieMoonOnaStick · 22/01/2015 00:20

lol Staircase are you sitting upright or lying down? SASASI also has had someone with her each time. And in terms of discretion I really liked the whole Stevie Wonder method of under the poncho. But sounds a bit too dangerous. However, if I'm in a prone position what's the worst that could go wrong?

OP posts: