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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to forego breastfeeding because I have very large breasts

159 replies

AlfieMoonOnaStick · 21/01/2015 17:28

I've read and re-read the literature that breast is best and the more natural: Stronger bond between me and our child, boosted immune system, cheaper,lol. And under normal circumstances I would likely go this route, regardless of pros and cons for formula. After all it is what we as a species have done for millenia (and am yet to see a bunny or indeed any other member of the natural world stocking up on Cow's Gate). Boot, my circumstances are a little removed from "normal", as are my boobies and I also ahve propriety to consider.

I have inherited old fashioned conservative American in-laws whose antiquated views would bankrupt the coffers of Cash in the Attic while almost making the Ahmish look risque. They still use words like courting and coffers -which I borrowed! So I am mindful of causing offence or doing anything they might deem disreputable. Such as talking while chewing or "obscenely" bf their grandchild. While at the same time not actually able to discuss the matter in full with mil who refers to a vagina as the mouth of creation.... in adult conversation. Believe you me, you don't want the remainder of the sentence it sprung from.

So as a consequence I dont even know if dh drank from the bottle, her breast or, that deep well of piety she submerges herself in. And he was too young to remember, so I don't have a clue how she might feel about the idea of walking in on her grandchild being airlifted onto the Hindenburg -that's the left nork, btw. Minus the explosion...for now.

Oh and before Im accused of being melodramatic, I'll just put that slight exaggeration into sharper perspective. I've always been overabundantly endowed (to channel my mil) but as of third trimester I'm involuntarily bra-free (and grievously leotardy - long story). As now my breasts are more significant, space wise that is, than my bump; splay somewhat out to my sides (but are not full at the top at all) and are past waist/crotch level
:-*> ...when standing, unclothed - just to be clear.

I'm on the short side yes. And no, not a size zero super hero, lol. But NONE of my extra weight is "downstairs". So look like a small planet on stumpy stilts (or what they might call in modern America an..... American), but with marginally more mobility if not grace and thankful for the worst winter in recent records. As it allows me to take up fulltime residence in heavy coats and ponchoes yay!! Because heaven knows the incessant gawping, pointing etc has become OTT. The BR discussion with hubby is the other white elephant in the maternity room. But at the moment am trying to put the baby ahead of the boobs, if only figuratively speaking!

Am torn, as whether to cop out and rely on formula milk. If so would you go organic? Even if i did bf I wouldnt dare do this in public. Look at what happened in celeb big brother the other day; would be mortified by similar incident. So we would be attempting to express into a bottle via pump, as best as possible. Anybody warn me of major difficulties for this, or is it do you need a Phd in physics? Otherwise, why not just take the next step and be done with it all together and just buy in? Or am I just being defeatist and lazy?

Alternatively, wet nursing was another option I looked at even if only for a few months, but dh is not keen on idea, has stopped making jokes now and moody on subject and developments in general. Will that automatically resign me to the crumby mummy parenting blacklist? One mother, I heard, referred to formula as arsenic with Saatchi marketing (presumably pre-Nigella). I wouldn't like to think I was poisoning my soon-to-be little one just because of self absorption, if I am being self absorbed that is. end essay. tia

OP posts:
perfectlybroken · 21/01/2015 18:06

I have large breasts and from what I've seen from less well endowed friends its easier with big breasts, as you can take great to baby so to speak, rather than baby to.breast! As far as your in laws go, if you really think its an issue then could you get baby to take a bottle and just use formula when you need to? I'm very pro bfing but can't see the harm in the odd bottle of formula if you are mostly bfing.
Loved your long and amusing post btw Grin oh and ponchos are great for shoving baby under to.feed. I made a large jersey one which was good for summer. Oh, if your American that would be knit fabric.

AnythingNotEverything · 21/01/2015 18:07

Another well endowed breastfeeder here. I think I was 34j at my biggest. I was often complemented by family about how discreet I was. It's perfectly possible once you get the hang of it.

You can buy covers (if you and baby get on with them), but suitable clothing and a muslin cloth are generally sufficient.

Exclusively expressing is hard. It's all the work of bf with all the work of ff as well - like the worst of both worlds. People manage it though. I did 6 weeks with my first, but I had a lot of help at home and wasn't cooking or cleaning or doing any chores.

Sod what anyone else thinks. Do your own thing.

MarthaMonkeynuts · 21/01/2015 18:10

Don't discount it from the outset, perhapd try it and see how it works out?

Be a shame to hoik them around all your life and not use them Smile

PetraDelphiki · 21/01/2015 18:12

I have seen ultra religious women breast feed in public perfectly comfortably...they just used a large cloth to protect their (view of) modesty. Baby didn't seem bothered!

But as someone who didn't mAke it through the problems of pancake flat nipples on giant breasts I would just like to point out that bottle feeding isn't the end of the world if that's what works for you and your family.

kaykayred · 21/01/2015 18:12

Has this not been inspired by the joke/troll thread?

JugglingFromHereToThere · 21/01/2015 18:17

Enjoyed the humour in your OP.
Do what you want
Don't be over influenced by MIL or size of boobs (mine are quite small but still did a good job!)

LaurieMarlow · 21/01/2015 18:23

Do what you want to do. Your MILs sensibilities are irrelevant.

Another of the amply endowed here (32FF before pregnancy, Christ knows what after BF for 7 months). I found the My Brest Friend cushion invaluable, despite its twee name. I'm not the most discrete feeder, but I soon learned not to give a fuck.

I would just try it and see. It's always good to give the colostrum, regardless of what happens next. Some babies take to it like a pro, others find it harder, you don't yet know how you'll feel after your delivery. No need to make big decisions, just see what happens.

Alieight · 21/01/2015 18:30

Another enormo-boobed breastfeeder here (36M at their largest, now down to a 36HH). Fed both DC for over 2 years (still feeding DD). There are various positions that are easier to bf in, especially at the beginning.

In terms of your MIL - does it really matter what she thinks? TBH I just tended to ignore anyone who said anything negative, but was lucky in that both my mum and sister had breastfed and were very positive about it.

Ultimately, up to you, make the decision you want, but don't be put off by interfering MILs or giant boobs

NeedsAsockamnesty · 21/01/2015 18:33

Currently a HH and not having any BF related issues.

Do what ever you want and consider what ever you think is acceptable to consider whilst making up your mind.

(That's you not mil)

ifgrandmahadawilly · 21/01/2015 18:34

As long as you are feeding your baby the way YOU want / need to, YANBU. I don't think your in-laws opinions should really come into it though (would your partner be supportive if you did bf? I'm from a family that is very anti-bf'ing and I found it absolutely essential to have at least one or two people on my side).

I can't really give any advice on the big boob issue because mine are tiny.

Mostly I just wanted to say that I love your writing style, you made me laugh and you definitely have an interesting way with words.

Girlwhowearsglasses · 21/01/2015 18:37

You are way overthinking this.

You don't even need to 'decide'. suck it and see.

Don't involve GPs in that decision either. They will find once they and their friends have GCs it might be more normalised.

I had J cups and fed twins. It was the least traumatic bit of babyhood. Not that I'm not aware how very difficult it can be, but you might find it lovely, fulfilling and easiest.

Girlwhowearsglasses · 21/01/2015 18:39

Also don't forget that the 'idea' of BF sounds really strange before you have a tiny baby in front of you. You will feel differently and get used to it once you start.

CarlaVeloso · 21/01/2015 18:44

You write well OP.

But...you have only one life. Why on earth would you live it according to someone else's views?

In what world can breastfeeding a child be offensive? If they don't want to watch then ask then to leave the room when you do it. Do you live together? How often are you likely to be attempting to bf in front of them anyway?

Of course, if you don't want to bf...don't. That's fine too.

Your MIL sounds a hoot btw.

angeleyes72 · 21/01/2015 18:50

38j here and had no problems feeding with a trusty cushion in the early days. I am short too.

RedToothBrush · 21/01/2015 18:51

If you don't want to do it, don't.

But don't come up with a lengthy explanation and justification involving your in-laws or the size of your boobs.

Its fine just to say its not for you.

(FTIW I've fed DS exclusively with breastmilk. We had problems, so I just did it by expressing for 16 weeks, when he eventually got the hang of it. Its possible)

ShatnersBassoon · 21/01/2015 18:54

Please yourself. Try it, or don't, but I don't know why you're so bothered about your MIL. She can't really need to be sheltered from anything bodily; I suppose she knows how your baby came about, and her babies Confused A glimpse of your breast must be less upsetting to her than the thought of you and her son 'knowing each other'. How much time do you spend with her anyway?

Ask her to be your birth partner. She'll never get that image out of her head, so breastfeeding won't even register with her.

KenAdams · 21/01/2015 18:56

How big is big?

ShatnersBassoon · 21/01/2015 18:57

Behave, Ken Grin

CarlaVeloso · 21/01/2015 19:01

Can we hear more about the "mouth of creation" please?

BigBirthdayGloom · 21/01/2015 19:03

Six and a half years bf here for three babies/toddlers with never anything less than a GG cup and more of the time a J or K cup. It's not going to be the size of breast that will decide it for you, and hopefully not your mil but how you and your baby get on. Good luck.

FreeWee · 21/01/2015 19:05

Having tiny boobs I assumed having big boobs was an asset with BFing but reading this thread I can see it also poses its own difficulties. I think you need to pin down the real reason you do or don't want to bf and then you'll have much more clarity over what the solution is. You list lots of things but one of them must be overriding the others. Ultimately you need to make a decision you are happy to live not one that keeps other people happy but makes you unhappy.

ByTheWishingWell · 21/01/2015 19:05

Your OP made me smile, you write well.

I fed DD with huge boobs. Learning to latch on took a couple of weeks, but nipple shields worked wonders, and it very quickly became easy and convenient. We're still going strong 17 months later.

It's entirely up to you whether or not you breastfeed your child, but being well-endowed certainly isn't a barrier, and your MIL's (or anyone else's) opinion on the matter is irrelevant really.

coniferssilhouette · 21/01/2015 19:08

I was a K cup and have been feeding my son over a year and also never thought I'd feed in public, I feed anywhere pretty much now! That being said, do what you feel most comfortable doing. I found the early days tough, my enormous boobs were massively engorged and leaking all over the place, I'd put in nursing pads and a new top and five minutes later I'd be soaked but that does calm down (just a warning and a "don't worry it gets better" in case you do decide to bf).

ShatnersBassoon · 21/01/2015 19:08

Can we hear more about the "mouth of creation" please?

It's like a normal vagina, but it has teeth. And a big booming voice. It's a lot like Brian Blessed from a distance.

DixieNormas · 21/01/2015 19:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.