To ask about never working again ...

[betweenmarchandmay]

I worked from being 22 to 28 (teacher.)

I was posting on the thread about being a SAHM and it occurred to me I can't really see a future where I'd work again.

Has anyone else spent most or all of their adult life not working?

Just wondering. I'm not sure how I feel about it.

I'd love to retire now and work in old age! That would be fabulous... But I'd have serious doubts about being physically and mentally able to do my Jon.

I think that if you are in a good, supportive relationship, it would be perfectly reasonable to say to your DH that you feel you need to improve your understanding of finances and will be spending, say, a regular 2 hours every weekend doing that whilst he looks after the DCs.

You could spend 2 hours in a meeting with your bank for a chat, on-line investigating, at a course, reading books, meeting an IFA etc. Even if you end up not changing anything at all in your current financial set-up, at least it would put your mind at rest and mean you would have a better understanding of things.

I'm very financially aware and I spend at least 3 hours every week on my finances.

In fact there's nothing to stop you approaching any bank and opening your own account. Then telling your husband you want to amend the payments. If he refuses that will say a lot, sadly.

Snowwhite, I think there is some relevance to the fridge-magnet saying that if you can't be a good example, be a horrible warning.

I am not my daughter and what she does with HER life is HER business. Because I'll support her in what she wants. Sometimes I did think I'd just leave but then reality would smack me in the face.

ILs I don't think he's being dishonest exactly. This is hard to explain but he does genuinely believe that he is better placed than me to make decisions. That's what's led to the sort of control I was trying to explain yesterday. For instance he keeps pulling faces about one of the rental houses and saying we should charge more. I've refused thus far as the tenants in there are good people and the £75 or so extra is a paltry difference to us but would make a big difference to them (not being patronising, they are one of my friends sisters, her husband and son so I know them a bit.) He huffs and says I'm stupid. I'd just rather have tenants I know and get slightly less than charge more and have them forced into moving out.

And that's one example. It just all boils down to 'she isn't very bright, she needs guidance.' Which is very frustrating and am keen to avoid this trap with my daughter.

There are savings but I don't really know where.

And I do have access to the bank account yes. Thank you.

I think you need to make it clear that you want a full overview of the finances. What would be his reaction if you told him that if he continues to stonewall you will consult a professional?
I agree that he may not necessarily be dishonest. He's a controlling arrogant dismissive arse though seemingly.

I do think you need to know where the savings are. That's hardly an unreasonable thing to ask him to clarify.

Chund, I agree. I think - I am not very intelligent, but surprisingly, have a lot of common sense which I can't seem to apply to my own life very well.

It is a three bedroom terrace in Shropshire, quite rural. To rent one like it would probably be in the £500 bracket, but it is a weight off my mind. Also, it is technically a private let and if we went through an agent they'd cream off a good £50 I imagine.

ILs - first genuine smile I've cracked this weekend. :) His reaction would be one of two things or a combination of both - either to sneer and laugh or to get aggressive.

If he does either of those things, book an appointment with a financial adviser. Call his bluff.

OP, when you start looking into the tax thing (Urgent and important! Accountants cost a few hundred quid a year and can do it for you), you also need to find out whose name each rental property is in (apologies if you've already said this but it's a long thread) because this affects who pays the tax on them. If the property(ies) is in your name alone, you must complete the tax return for it. If it's in joint names, then you and your OH BOTH need to include it on your tax returns.

My parents died the year before last and left us an inheritance, including some flats. They had been in joint names but only my mum paid the tax on them- I will never know why, but my Dad was the straightest, most honest man on the planet, so I have to believe it was a mistake- I can't imagine that he was trying to diddle the system. Anyway, my brother and I are now liable for the tax bill on the rental income (which dates back to 2000) plus interest and penalty fees. Luckily, our inheritance is big enough to cover it, but you don't want to end up in that situation, so please get some professional advice; and I would suggest your OH needs to be on board with that because he presumably (hopefully!) has knowledge that you don't re ownership of the properties, tax etc.

Good luck.

I may just do that anyway ILs, it really just isn't worth the aggro.

What should I ask

My accountant costs me £345.00 a year and handles everything about my income and self employment. He saves me a lot more money than that and he never, ever makes me feel uncomfortable.

Wading thank you. I'm so very sorry to hear you lost both your mum and dad in the same year

I'm confused though - sorry - does this essentially mean that for the purposes of tax DH and I are one and the same person? As the rental properties are in my name alone as is the house.

I'd just get a such information together as you can - print out the bank statements from as far back as you can. Tell him / her as much as you can. Be as open as possible and take it from there. If you don't like the first person you see go and see a different one.

No I don't think so either but an adviser would be able to tell you.

Thank you

At first I thought this was s serious thread, but now I realise it is a bit of s joke.
Op is young, with a child under 1, no idea of pensions etc.

She makes a bold statement, but as you go on reading, you realise it's like talking to a pre-teen.

Let's see what she thinks in 5 or 10 years time.

Oh and take your passport with you or birth certificate and some other ID. They'll need to establish your identity.

chaiselounger this is serious as the thread's turned out. That isn't helpful.

But you aren't going to avoid this trap with your daughter as she will lead by example. She'll grow up with a warped version that you don't need to be educated or work as that's for husbands to take care of. No need for the women folk to involved themselves in the finances. It's not just your daughter, your son will think its normal to have to work all hours and control everything as women can't.

It's perfectly possible to parent and work, it doesn't have to be one of the other. We have a great balance and DS sees that and will hopefully find a partner that shares it all, the parenting/finances and household stuff that all adults have to do.

A job is not just about money. It's so much more than that.

I agree SnowWhite but I think by the sound of it the OP needs to find her confidence first, and her daughter is very young anyway.
If she gets understanding if and equal control of finances I think that sounds like a first step..

Sometimes, I do almost feel like part of me got lost in adolescence. Like that transition from adolescence to adulthood didn't really happen properly.

Thanks, ILS. It isn't very comfortable not knowing what's going on, but I don't. It's sort of like trying to explain how to read music to someone with no concept of it - where to begin.

Snowwhite, she won't necessarily follow my example. I didn't follow my mums.