To ask about never working again ...

[betweenmarchandmay]

I worked from being 22 to 28 (teacher.)

I was posting on the thread about being a SAHM and it occurred to me I can't really see a future where I'd work again.

Has anyone else spent most or all of their adult life not working?

Just wondering. I'm not sure how I feel about it.

Exactly kim

Which is why I'm concerned for sahms whose partners actually sabotage their self esteem and control them into believing themselves to be unemployable, particularly when their friends and activities are controlled.
That isn't a choice and a decision as a partnership and it makes the woman very vulnerable.

I retired at 25
Am 40 this year.

No plans to go back - happy with family life & finances allow for it.

The working world isn't very family or woman friendly is it?
I don't blame you (nb only read OP and first page)
Sounds good to me!
Like most women I'm trying to find what works best for me and my family -
for me that's working P/T with children during term time.
The "extra" funds are useful/essential here, though a living wage would be nice for such important work (educating the next generation and all that)

Kim for a long, long time it wasn't 'socially acceptable' for a woman to have a career, especially if she wanted children as well. Times and attitudes change slowly, and they'll change eventually for men as well. Many men still feel judged for allowing their wife to 'keep' them, or even for working but earning less than their wife. This just doesn't tend to happen so much the other way around.

I know a few couples where the wife has been the main breadwinner, and the man has been the SAHD or has had a much less high flying job. I bet there are plenty of SAHDs who, once the children were at school, have gone back to work because they felt they were expected to, and would be judged harshly if they didn't, not because it was necessarily what worked best for their household.

I retired at 27 to have my DD and we had no intention of me ever going back, because my husband earned so much that my contribution would have made a negligible difference to our finances, whereas my presence at home made life better for all of us. I'm happier at home. I also had puerperal psychosis so I know how that feels!

ExH left me when I was 32, he met someone at work. Nothing to do with me being a SAHM - he gives me enough money that I could continue to do that if I wanted, but obviously that income will end when the kids grow up so I needed to start working to build up a reliable income. I'm a childminder before and after school, which suits me perfectly.

In your position, though, with two rental properties you could charge market rate for and a PGCE you can fall back on if you have to, I wouldn't worry too much about it. Do start paying the maximum into a stakeholder pension ASAP though - you don't want to mess with your retirement!

At present, and I can't see this changing, we live in a family home that is worth around half a million. That sound extortionate given we aren't in London or the south east, but contextually, my parents bought it in around 1976 when they were expecting their first baby. It was not in great shape and besides, obviously property was much cheaper then.

On top of this, when my parents' parents died, my mum kept hold of the house her mum lived in and let it out - something I had no idea of until my dad also died. This was a victorian terrace which also had gone up in value massively. My dad had bought a buy to let apartment opposite the railway station in town too with his final teachers salary (he was a headteacher.)

After my dad died, my brother who had had mental health problems for a while took his life, so before anyone paints me as some pampered little princess I'm going to say again - I've only got these things because of great loss. That doesn't mean I don't hugely appreciate them.

However, I have to say this - my mum had her first child in 1976 and me, her youngest, in 1981. She decided to retrain as a teacher when I was a baby. I really missed out to be blunt. All my memories of my mum and dad are of stressed, miserable, unhappy parents. They were obsessed with holidays and used to literally live for one holiday then the next then the next. It wasn't just work, in my mums case it was also elderly parents, but I firmly believe that the combination of elderly parents and guilt from their passing, teenagers approaching GCSEs and a levels respectively (my mum put a new twist on 'pushy parent') and work was what tipped her over the edge. She started drinking very heavily in the spring of 1995 I think and she was dead 3 years later from cancer in her liver. It could be a coincidence but don't think it was.

My mum could EASILY have afforded not to work, but I bet my dad wouldn't have let her and I don't think she'd have let herself. Instead they became obsessed with going away on holiday and my dad still was after she died and it was stupid. I hate the heat and I remember us having a horrible, nasty row on the last 'family holiday" we had as I was I the shade; she was trying to hit me because I wasn't enjoying it in the exact same way as her.

Sorry I posted too soon.

When I compare my children's upbringing with mine, I have to say that theirs is now on the whole more positive. I had horrible work stress in the early part of 2011 and the stress was awful for everybody in the family.

Those worrying and hand wringing about my DH - don't. For one thing, DH loved his job and is skilled and talented at it. No matter what time of day or night it is he comes back to a clean house, lovely food, calm baby and happy DS. Essentially I AM RAISING MY CHILDREN and I know there will be a point where they don't need me any more. But we have a 7 year age gap almost exactly (DS born in late February; dd in early April) - by the time dd leaves primary school I'll be 43 I suppose. But as I know from my own experiences they don't stop needing you then. DH wants the children to go to private school and I don't, there's a bit of a discussion about that at the moment but I think they will and if they do they will need me around more to pick them up.

I had PND with DS too; like horrendous morning sickness it just seems to be something that plagues me.

between

You sound like you are doing a great job anyway.
If you don't have to work or don't want to it is yours and dh business and nobody elses.

I know that obviously we are at different ends of the spectrum for wealth/earnings, but totally see where you are coming from.

I suppose hose posting about the unfairness of your dh being the only one working can't see what its like to be married to somebody who is fortunate to be doing exactly what they want to do in terms of employment/career.

My dh is the same, what he does you don't retire from, it isn't a job its who he is. The day he stops will probably be the day he dies. I'm not sure if it is the same for your dh, but I can still see where you are coming from.

If you are independently wealthy it sounds crucial to me that you take control of your own money and investments.
If there is a reason that you can't do that I think you have a problem.

I do need to get more on top of finances.

It's just difficult as I don't really understand most of them too well. Don't even know where to begin !

I work because I'm on my own but only 3 days a week at present because of mental health problems.
Even when I have a baby I would like to go back part time - I can't imagine never working again.
To be honest I can't imagine ever being in that good a financial position, and also I'm very independent.. and I quite enjoy my job.

I get depressed & bored on my own at home even now while I'm part time, housework doesn't hold any interest for me.

But what I think about more is my nan, who retired at 50. She's 89 now and so out of touch with the reality of life. I would be worried about getting like her - she doesn't comprehend what a working life is like anymore.

Housework is just one of those things that needs doing.

For a start off go round the house and collect all the relevant paperwork together. Make copies of it.
Then think about consulting an independent financial advisor.

I know! But it's boring... if I could afford a cleaner then I would get one.

Who does your tax return?
Have you seen the report of that?

I don't know, I don't think I've ever seen a tax return.

I'm not sure what one is to be honest. Does everyone have to do one?

I don't know where I'd start with paperwork, I think a fair few things are emailed anyway. What should I look for?

Have you never received any communications from HMRC addressed to you? No tax documentation?
Don't you have access to bank statements? Where's the rental income paid in to?

I don't remember ever having anything from hrmc even when I was working. What is it?

I have access to online banking yeah.

Rental income just goes straight into the bank account.

Jesus wept OP. I don't know whether to hug you or shake you.

You need to pay tax on the rental income. If you don't you can go to jail!!

They write to you to send a form for your tax return if you have income that isn't PAYE. Are your rental payments in your name?

Oops.

How much? It isn't loads and loads ...

Ilovesooty what do you mean? They go into a joint account just by direct bank transfer.

Is paye, when you work?