To ask about never working again ...

[betweenmarchandmay]

I worked from being 22 to 28 (teacher.)

I was posting on the thread about being a SAHM and it occurred to me I can't really see a future where I'd work again.

Has anyone else spent most or all of their adult life not working?

Just wondering. I'm not sure how I feel about it.

Ok- you have a personal allowance of 7k per year (approx- exact number on HMRC website). Any income over that is taxed. You can deduct expenses such as mortgage interest from rental income, but as yours isn't mortgaged your deductibles will be low. You need to fill out a tax return though.

PAYE is when you're employed - your employer deducts the tax and sends it to the IR on your behalf.

Do you use a letting agent, because if so, they may be withholding the tax for you?

I find it hard to believe that someone who is obviously well educated and qualified as a teacher, should profess to be so clueless about tax returns. I am a lot older than you, and I am ashamed to say my husband deals with all our money but I have made damn sure I know where it is, how to access it. It is an unfortunate fact that most women will be left on their own at some stage, through divorce or most likely the death of their husband/partner. FGS at least get some idea of how to deal with the financial side if/when this happens.

Re the work thing, fine if you can afford not to work but I have seen a couple of good friends in this situation become very down and purposeless when their children have reached their teens and gone off to uni. It's a very long day without some structure.

Okay, thank you. DHs are through a letting agents but mine aren't, as I know the people. It doesn't come to over 7k though so that's okay I think.

Thanks for helping me. I do appreciate it! I just don't really know what I'm doing ...

OMG, why are you not even doing a tax return? Do you actually know anything about being a landlord? For somebody who went through uni and a teaching qualification how can you not know about tax returns. Even my DS knows what one is and neither of us are SE.

Threads like these make me all the more determined to ensure we lead DS to a partner who works and has an all round knowledge of the world. I wouldn't want a man who depended on me for his every need and didn't have much knowledge about the simplest of things.

I'm 50 and like you I've not worked full-time since I was 27. I have had years where I've not worked at all, others where I've done lots of voluntary work and periods (like at the moment) where I work part-time.

Financially I don't need to work, but I'm working part-time:

(a) for the laughs;
(b) to be a role-model for my children - I don't want them to think that sitting at home all day is normal;
(c) to feel connected to my community; and
(d) to feel that I'm giving something back, having benefited from a free university education etc.

I haven't read the whole thread, although I've read lots of it, and given your family history it seems to me entirely reasonable for you to want to hunker down and concentrate on building a good, strong, loving family home for your DCs. I made exactly the same decision in similar circumstances to you.

What I would say is this. Things won't always stay the same. Your DCs will get bigger and need you less. Your friends who are at home looking after their DCs at the moment, will go back to work when they are bigger, leaving you solitary in the day if you are not doing something too. Your relationship with your DH (who sounds lovely!) may not always be what it is at the moment. So it's a good idea to keep your hand in the outside world in some way.

You keep saying you are not good with money and don't understand finance. So how about learning about that? Everyone needs to understand about pensions etc and there are books / on-line courses you could do, to have a general understanding. What about volunteering at your DC's school, even if it's only one morning a fortnight, just to keep in touch? Or just something entirely for you - learn a new language, Art History, anything you fancy really. Sorry if all of this has already been suggested.

You don't need to feel guilty - although I know that it's easy to feel so and to feel that you need to justify yourself. The money you have has given you choices and it sounds as if, at the moment, you and your DH are happy with your choice.

To be honest angst I'm not very bright.

You don't need to rub it in.

You need two Es I think, to get on a primary school teaching degree, at A level. I did better than that but why people think being a teacher equals intelligence I don't know. I'm certainly not. That's partly why I'm not doing it any more.

In addition to this the way I was brought up has contributed to my lack of knowledge. I was never given money until I started a part time job. My mum and dad weren't stingy with me and I had clothes and nights out and holidays paid for but never learned about money properly. I still don't know as I do have to admit DH has a good financial head on him.

I'm trying to start with the financial side of things now but to be honest if people are going to get sarky and rude I'll just hide the thread as I don't need people saying horrible things about me. And I don't mean bunting Kim or ILs, you HAVE been helpful.

Thanks, kim. Is that with the link you provided?

So do I need to do anything else, setting aside the rental properties for a minute?

I've skim read the beginning, and all OPs own posts (I love the highlighting tool!)

I knew I didn't want to go back to my old job after taking time out to be at home with our twins, but had no real idea what I wanted to do when they started school.

I did do some charity stuff during the four and half years - I was on at least one committee nearly all the time, and also helped with a political party.

I'm degree educated with couple of minor professional qualifications on top, and initially when I started my dogwalking business - fresh air, exercise, and complete flexibility to run my diary to fit with school pick-ups, holidays, vomiting and diarrhea days, etc - I felt guilty that I was doing something that any half-decent experienced dog owner could do and that I was somehow wasting my degree.

My own old secondary English teacher put me right about that though - she reminded me that the purpose of my education had been to give me choices, including the choice of which of my skills to use. So, yes, I can excavate a archaeological site, and yes, I can proof read and edit a book, and yes, I can type pretty fast, but I can also get dogs to obey me, I can drive them to nice places and walk them, and frankly I'd rather do that and get paid for it than trash my back in a trench or put up with sniping office politics ever again!

You've got loads of time to mull over your future OP, don't rush it. But I do think a bit of charity work never goes amiss. Apart from anything else, I have continued to do it and it is definitely a good role model for my children.

Glad to help on the tax advice (we all had to learn it at some point), but at the expense of being unhelpful, can I gently suggest that if your total assets, excluding the house you live in, are generating less than 7k a year, you can't really consider yourself independently wealthy because while you could sell the assets to release capital, you can only do that once and you can't live on 7k per year. Presumably as you don't have a mortgage, your DH is saving quite a lot of his salary, but in whose name? Probably his, otherwise you'd have to fill in a tax return for the interest on that. It's worth establishing these things I think.

That said, I don't think now is the time for you to be considering morphing into Xenia. Focus on feeling better and then have a think in a year or so. Your daughter is still really young.

I can see that things have moved on a bit since I started drafting my first post (above).

Yes, you need to get a better understanding of finance generally and rental income in particular. As you trained to be a teacher, how about using this as an opportunity to teach your older DC as well as yourself? There must be child-friendly books out there that you could start with - that way you could both learn together. I think it's really important for DCs to understand about money.

Please tell me you have the deposits from tennants in a protected schemes do the annual gas checks, have correct insurance etc. Playing at landlord knowing nothing about it could go dreadfully wrong.

It suits your husband for you not to be asking questions otherwise he'd have involved you in finances.
It's also hard to be knowledgeable and empower yourself from scratch when people have controlled you all your life.
Do you not have your own bank account? If your rental income and any lump sums were in your name you'd be in control of your own investments. What about any additional contributions to your pension?
You could them consult an independent financial advisor to enable you to get your head round things.

I probably will look into that in the future, when dd is at school. It would be pretty difficult just now as have absolutely no one who could look after her. That does get quite relentless. I'm not moaning about it and saying that it's harder than working but I do do ALL the childcare and don't get a break from it!

Obviously that will change as they grow.

Getting on top of finances is going to be difficult as there's only a handful of people who seem to be able to help without snorting and making ejaculations of disgust at my ignorance, and this is largely the reason I stick my head in the sand at it. DH does the same if I ask anything, and my dad just used to shout at me and they both say the same - that someone with a degree should know blah blah blah and I DON'T.

It is embarrassing. And it means (I'm not just talking about finances here) there is this massive gulf between me and other people as I just permanently seem to have this sense of discombobulation, as if I am apart from others. When I am with a group of women my age and they chatter about pils or parents, about mortgages, about other 'normal' stuff this gap is there and I HATE it, so I do what any sensible person does and don't socialise.

I barely see anyone but my son, baby daughter and husband. It sucks in it's way but it's safe, I ask tentative questions and get flamed, so I go back under my rock.

Just - back off some of you.

Aggressive that's such a bad name you're anything but :) Thank you for being so nice! I'm getting quite tearful now. Do you work in finance? Thanks for understanding.

I guess I've always thought, if I left DH (it probably would be this way round!) I would get a job but I'd sell this house buy a smaller one outright and live on a combination of work and rental money, I know I wouldn't be rich but ultimately I'll never have the expense of living costs which is a big bonus.

ilovesooty if I did that though I'd have to admit to knowing absolutely nothing. Wouldn't they just pull faces and tell me to find out some stuff then come back? I can JUST imagine a snooty man in a suit doing that! And as above thanks for being kind.

SnowWhite essentially I let friends/relatives of friends have the houses for a song. I like and trust them, I didn't have them pay a deposit because they couldn't afford it.

There are safety checks in place though.

Kim - that I do know. Or sort of. DH earns over the threshold but we claim it I think the way it works is we claim £0 in CB but it means my NI is paid, does that make sense?

Is your husband fobbing you off to ensure that you don't get to know and to keep you under control?
Sorry to ask but I think that's important.
If so I think you need to tell him that it's in your interest to be fully involved. If he won't involve you, consult a professional for advice. They won't laugh at you, honestly.

Oh, and my accountant isn't snooty. He's lovely.

In some ways, I wouldn't mind being laughed at as long as they helped! But it's the dismissive 'we can't help you with X unless you tell us Y' thing that worries me as chances are I won't know why.

I don't know with DH. If I ask questions I get lots of snorts and eye rolls and - well, pretty akin to some of the responses on this thread really which is probably why I got quite defensive there.

I don't have my own bank account. It's a joint one.

Y not why!

OP, I think you need to look at this from your daughters point of view.

If she relied on her husbands income with a bit of rental for pocket money, knew little of finances or the real world and spent every day with just her immediate family would you truly be happy for her or would you want to shake her and get her to change the whole situation.

I think going back to education or finding a starting position in a job would turn things around hugely. Do you want to look back when you are 60/70 and think well I kept the house tidy.

What would he say if you said you wanted your own account and for your savings and investments plus the rental income to be in that, in your name?
That should tell you whether he is looking after your interests.
What would he say if you said you'd like a joint consultation with a financial adviser?
He wouldn't worry about that if he is dealing with your affairs honestly.