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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask them to leave the screens at home?

235 replies

goindowntoyasgursfarm · 17/01/2015 20:26

Got friends coming for lunch tomorrow, their DCs are 9 and 8, similar to our 3. The last couple of times they've been round, their DC have brought ipad/phone/pod some combination or all of the above ...

All the DC retreat and basically stare at screens for the duration, more or less. My older DS tries to suggest other games to play, but they're usually not interested.

Last time they came, DS1 talked to me for over an hour after they'd gone home, saying he would like to play more with friends' older DS "but not on screens". He was actually really sad about the whole issue.

WIBU to ask the parents to leave all the devices at home tomorrow? I'm sooo tired of watching all the DC turn into zombies whenever these friends come round, but at the same time it feels kind of demanding/unwelcoming ...WWYD?

OP posts:
AllBoxedUp · 19/01/2015 18:29

On your phone (doh).

AvonCallingBarksdale · 19/01/2015 18:29

Blimey, I've got to say, OP, with all the Sad faces at the plight of these poor DCs who, seemingly, only know how to play if it involves a screen, you appear to spend a lot of time worrying about other people's DC. That's great that you play non-competitive dull board games along with more competitive ones and that you like your DC to disappear into the garden and amuse themselves, Famous Five-Stylee and that your eldest DC can have a calm chat with you. (FWIW, my DC love screens and outdoor play. They can actually do both). All brilliant, but you do come across as rather judgy. Does it really matter on the odd occasion that your DC have more screen time than their usual, IMVHO, meagre amount? I mean, what's going to happen to them? Yes, your friend's child was rude, of course, but that would have been rude behaviour with a book, although I suspect that some people consider being glued to a book to be a reflection of better parenting than being glued to a screen Wink. Just chill out a bit.

madhairday · 19/01/2015 18:33

My dc spent most of the Christmas holiday on Minecraft with their cousins while the adults ate and drank chatted but I'm a bit slackerish when it comes to screens (do limit them to an hour at night in the week.)

But - what they did was create together an entire world complete with lavish houses, a theme park, the empire state building and the colosseum. They worked together creatively with empathy for each other's preferences except when it didn't go how ds wanted it - what they did was really brilliant actually and I can think of far worse uses of time.

I tend to agree with you OP about taking screens to visitors. They take theirs to cousins etc as they know they love doing minecraft etc together and staying a few days different, but for eg we went to see friends for a day in the holidays and they weren't allowed to take them then, and had to interact in different ways.

I think there can be a good balance of both but I don't think screen based games should be written off as bad things at all.

JohnCusacksWife · 19/01/2015 19:02

OP, you seem to have a fairly rigid view that screens are bad and the very limited time your children are allowed on them reflects that. But surely it depends what your kids are doing on the screens? DD1 (10) has been on the computer for 1.5hrs this evening but in that time she's made 2 PowerPoint presentations about her hobby and has begun a new stop motion video. She also films video reviews of dolls, books, games etc and uploads them to her youtube channel which has increased her confidence greatly. All worthwhile activities I'm very happy for her to do.

Stillwishihadabs · 19/01/2015 19:28

I really think that if it's that important to you that the 4 year old stops with the screen then you need to either engage them all (and maybe the adults too?) in some other activity, walk in the park? trip to the pool ?.Or tell your very mature 10 year old the way it's going to be eg: "I know X and Y will just play on their tablet, I would really like you to take your brother and do Z when that happens" Trying to sort it out when all the boys were in the house with no other activity lined up was never going to work.

Ds is 10 and most of his friends have far more screen time than I am comfortable with. I have a variety of strategies for dealing with it but none of them involve head on confrontation with either the children or the parents.

Carriemac · 19/01/2015 20:23

OP YANBU at all. They sound very rude. We holidayed once with another family who kept inviting my kids to play with theirs in the apartment as they couldn't see the tablet screen at the pool or on the beach. FFS it was a beautiful,sunny October in Portugal no way were my kids spending the day indoors.

ChaiseLounger · 20/01/2015 07:17

This is s really tricky one. Not sure how you can get round it.

Armpitt · 20/01/2015 07:25

think your pc time is a bit rubbish tbh

but mates kids sound rude

var123 · 20/01/2015 10:56

Isn't it up to the OP how much screen time she generally wants to let her children have? I think its rude to comment if not asked.

Tinkerball · 20/01/2015 11:07

Var123 the OP did ask about others opinions on the screen time she allows her kids though!

var123 · 20/01/2015 11:08

OK.. sorry I missed that.

Tinkerball · 20/01/2015 11:08

I thnk it's rude not to read all the OPs posts Wink

Tinkerball · 20/01/2015 11:09

You can highlight OPs posts in your settings a different colour, makes them easier to read.

var123 · 20/01/2015 11:20

Actually I did. They are highlighted and I used the find function to make sure I had missed none.

I was going to drop it but since you posted twice more, could you tell me in which post the OP asks people to critique her policy on how much screen time her children get?

PrimalLass · 20/01/2015 11:25

It's in one of the OP's posts.

var123 · 20/01/2015 11:44

which one?

EveDallasRetd · 20/01/2015 11:48

Var, OP says

Does anyone think I'm depriving my DC with this "paltry" amount of screen time? We've had lots of chats with the older two about it and they are genuinely happy with that.

Monday 0928

tanukiton · 20/01/2015 12:00

Friendship is flexibility.

Tinkerball · 20/01/2015 12:19

Hey I was only trying to be helpful.

DemelzaandRoss · 20/01/2015 12:19

As a family, we very much enjoy playing monopoly on the Ipad....maybe a suggestion for future visits.

Tinkerball · 20/01/2015 12:20

And note the wink...my post was lighthearted. Anyway EveDallas has quoted it, hope that helps.

pinkreindeer · 20/01/2015 19:49

"Self regulating" = too lazy to parent IMHO

happy2bamummy · 20/01/2015 20:08

Wow Shock, they're obviously the ones who don't get it. They need to regulate their children's screen time and learn some manners and also instil some manners in their children, i.e. you don't bring electronics round to people's houses to use constantly and to ignore the people you're visiting, how rude. I think everyone's choice of screen time length is different, but using them like when visiting each time is just ridiculous.

ovaryandout · 20/01/2015 20:25

I generally have allowed iPads but if they are glued to them for too long I will suggest to the children it's now time to play together. This is the rule that applies to my daughter in our house and as such generally applies to all other children. When I visit other people I respect their ways if iPads allowed or not it's up to them.

elh1605 · 20/01/2015 20:37

I think you give your children about the right amount of time (agree about 4yr old) There is a time and a place for electronics and whilst visiting family/friends isn't it