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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask them to leave the screens at home?

235 replies

goindowntoyasgursfarm · 17/01/2015 20:26

Got friends coming for lunch tomorrow, their DCs are 9 and 8, similar to our 3. The last couple of times they've been round, their DC have brought ipad/phone/pod some combination or all of the above ...

All the DC retreat and basically stare at screens for the duration, more or less. My older DS tries to suggest other games to play, but they're usually not interested.

Last time they came, DS1 talked to me for over an hour after they'd gone home, saying he would like to play more with friends' older DS "but not on screens". He was actually really sad about the whole issue.

WIBU to ask the parents to leave all the devices at home tomorrow? I'm sooo tired of watching all the DC turn into zombies whenever these friends come round, but at the same time it feels kind of demanding/unwelcoming ...WWYD?

OP posts:

ChippingInLatteLover · 19/01/2015 12:33

OddFodd. I was trying to gloss over that spectacularly rude comment

Only1scoop · 19/01/2015 12:36

Could you maybe resurrect an old walnut finished Atari from somewhere? for some retro group play as way of compromise Op?

Helphelphelps · 19/01/2015 12:39

I had a similar situation when i babysat a large group of children last year.

There were so many activities and it's an amazing house and garden with a treehouse, pool, secret passageways, but half of them had bought their ipad minis and played on them and the others watched them play! Every now and again they swapped and this went on the whole evening!

They were sharing really nicely and chatting about what they were doing, but i just thought it was a little sad :(

You tried! Oh well, not really much you can do about it when it's not your children.

NickiFury · 19/01/2015 12:40

I think you sound controlling. Did you enjoy any of your time with your friends? Because it sounds like you were too busy policing device use to think about anything else.

I agree with Bowlers it's not all the time, I think you just need to suck it up. It wouldn't occur to me ever send the text message you sent, you can't dictate whether other people can bring their devices or not. I would have taken no notice whatsoever.

wouldliketoknow2 · 19/01/2015 12:44

Still think its rude to rock up at someones house already glued to a device and no surer way to kill a friendship/conversation. Perhaps they are allowing their children to 'self-regulate' manners too.

I agree with this ^.

YANBU OP.

Original poster

goindowntoyasgursfarm · 19/01/2015 12:57

The whole family are our friends, it's not just an adults-to-adults thing. I just think that they think this is what you do, now - that once you get to 7,8,9, kids' leisure time IS being on computers. When Christmas comes, you get all the latest equipment and the whole thing starts again. Friend remarked the last time we were here she was worried her DS1 was starting to look a bit podgy in the face, and that she had considered starting him at a football club but "it's on Saturday afternoons and that's when he plays Minecraft with his cousin in Canada"

My 4yo DS was starting to get disruptive while they were all playing - that's the main reason I tried to distract him and take him away from the situation. Backfired, obviously.

OP posts:

Original poster

goindowntoyasgursfarm · 19/01/2015 12:59

there's nothing intrinsically better about playing a board game on a table than taking turns playing a game on a screen

OddFodd, I would strongly dispute that.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 19/01/2015 13:01

Kids grow apart. They're obviously not into playing with yours any more but if their parents insist they come along, then they'll have to.

It's still rude, but maybe the only compromise they could make in order to get them to tag along?

Bowlersarm · 19/01/2015 13:03

Well I think you need to accept that getting together with the children of both families isn't working for you or your friend anymore. You have opposing ideas of how your children should interact with each other.

Maybe meet your friends without the children in the evenings, and just have adult time together.

yellowdinosauragain · 19/01/2015 13:03

Why would you dispute that boaRd games are superior to playing games on a screen?

Because as long as the screen type games involve the same number of people as the board games they're not really so different...

Original poster

goindowntoyasgursfarm · 19/01/2015 13:04

Sorry, people keep saying their kids don't like my kids and have to play games to make their company bearable. I'm not offended by this suggestion, but it's just not true! Their younger DC, for example, did a video Christmas card thing saying my older two were his 'best friends' and he couldn't wait to see them after Christmas. Just sayin'.

OP posts:

PuppetPeppa · 19/01/2015 13:04

In my world Screen time means some quiet time, if I was seeing friends and wanted to be able to chat/catch up etc then I would consider this the perfect time to have screen time tbh, to allow me some peace to be able to focus on my friends.

ChippingInLatteLover · 19/01/2015 13:06

What is so deserving of the :( about a child interacting with his cousin in Canada at the weekend? Of course they'll do it online, he can't hardly fly over there.

There are 6 3/4 other days for the child to play football or whatever.

Honestly, you are acting like screens are the work of the devil.

Original poster

goindowntoyasgursfarm · 19/01/2015 13:06

Board games involve face-to-face interaction, judging of expressions and empathy in a way that computer games simply don't. I'm not for banning computer games at all - obviously my DC will need to be extremely computer-literate when they get older and are looking towards getting jobs - but I sometimes feel that screen time is just surrendered to and accepted as the norm, when it just shouldn't be.

OP posts:

ChippingInLatteLover · 19/01/2015 13:08

Then, OP, why can't you just leave them to sort it out amongst themselves?

WorraLiberty · 19/01/2015 13:08

Oh come on now OP

How can you stop children playing with children if they really want to play with them and are actually being nagged encouraged to play with them?

You can't. Therefore, they obviously don't want to.

Reading your OP back, perhaps your eldest comes across as a bit needy if he talked for over an hour about not wanting to play on screens and feeling sad?

Forced fun might be your idea of a jolly old time, but it's clearly not everyone elses.

In fact you're coming across as more and more judgemental of your 'friends' parenting with every post you make.

NickiFury · 19/01/2015 13:08

Isn't it great that he gets to play "mine craft with his cousin in Canada"? I see nothing about that. I don't know my Canadian cousins because there wasn't the technology to be in touch with them unless we wanted huge phone bills. Time difference plus other commitments, I can see why she might make that a priority. Of course the child needs exercise too but I can why she wouldn't make it happen at a time when there's a long standing arrangement already in place with a far away family member.

I also agree that there is little difference between taking turns on a screen game or a board game. What is the difference?

Lottapianos · 19/01/2015 13:10

OP, I think your friends were incredibly rude to allow their children to sit in your home glued to their screens all the time. You said the eldest walked in with his face in a screen and didn't even greet you! I would be fuming. I think you were absolutely right to politely request that their screens get left at home. I think there is far too much tolerance for the idea that children can't possible be expected to interact politely with others, but must be entertained every second of the day with something on a screen. Good for you for trying to stand up to it, its a shame things didn't go better.

NickiFury · 19/01/2015 13:11

I disagree goin when I listen to my ds and his mates interacting while playing PS3 batman lego or Need For Speed, the laughs, the moaning when losing and yells of excitement, I see no difference at all.

Lottapianos · 19/01/2015 13:11

'Board games involve face-to-face interaction, judging of expressions and empathy in a way that computer games simply don't.'

Completely agree goindown

Bowlersarm · 19/01/2015 13:13

Is your friend a MNer OP? I'm half expecting another thread to pop up.

You may find that your next invitation for the families to get together may be politely declined.

yellowdinosauragain · 19/01/2015 13:14

Completely agree with nickifury

Same shit, different platform. Neither better or worse just different

YoullLikeItNotaLot · 19/01/2015 13:16

No empathy in our house with board games. Play to win, survival of the fittest is order of the day. Frustration must be the most understated board game name ever - more like "would happily annihilate the lot of you".

Bowlersarm · 19/01/2015 13:16

I agree with NickiFury'too.

I hated board games as a child, zzzzzzzz.

I liked physical games, sardines was brilliant , but I wouldn't relish the thought of sitting down playing board games.

Original poster

goindowntoyasgursfarm · 19/01/2015 13:16

Thanks Lotta - can see I'm in the minority here though.

You look into each others' eyes while playing board games. You look at illuminated pixels when playing computer games. It has an effect, honestly.

Haha, Bowlersarm! She used to be, maybe still is under a NC ...

OP posts:

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