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Original poster

About friends judgeyness at other friend "leaving baby"

312 replies

Fanfeckintastic · 15/01/2015 18:28

There's a group of us organizing a weekend trip away for some time, most of us have children and can't wait to escape for a weekend of debauchery Grin
One of the group (all female) has a new baby who will be two and a half months when we go and I just can't believe the attitudes the others seem to have about her leaving the baby with her very capable partner for the weekend!

She's coping brilliantly, better than I did! And two of the girls raising their eyebrows about it the most, partners went to Ibiza for a week when their babies were about same same age so I really can't comprehend their judgeyness!

OP posts:
GraysAnalogy · 15/01/2015 19:51

saki really, why not? Doesn't make any difference to the baby where the mum is going.

This isn't about the babies health is it (which it should be), it's because a woman dares to allow herself a weekend away from her baby and doesn't follow this attitude of not being able to tear herself away from the babe. You want to make mummy martyrs.

Writerwannabe83 · 15/01/2015 19:51

I couldn't do it but I don't judge others who can.

paintedfences · 15/01/2015 19:56

Can you look the judgers dead in the eye with a death-stare and tell them that that is truly pathetic?

Just a suggestion.

LaurieMarlow · 15/01/2015 19:58

Jeez, can't we apply the 'everyone's different' principal here. Just because you wouldn't do it doesn't mean it's inferior to your parenting or you have any right to judge.

And the notion that this mother has bonded less with her baby is pretty offensive. Bonding works differently for different people. I actually needed a bit of space from my baby to bond properly. The 24/7 attachment parenting style commitment made me feel suffocated and miserable.

NickyEds · 15/01/2015 20:09

I'm all for a weekend away but this one's going to be a nightmare isn't it??!?? Everything that's been said on here will be said there except with more wine and feelings to be hurt. The judgey ones aren't going to keep it to themselves are they, really. It'll end in tears (and none of them will be the baby's who'll be fine at home with Dad).

HappyGoLuckyGirl · 15/01/2015 20:11

Oh FGS, people need to pull down their bloody judgy pants.

If a mother wants to go away for four days, leaving baby with perfectly capable partner she should go ahead and do it guilt free. Mainly because she and her partner are comfortable with it and they're the only people affected.

Sort of like judging someone for eating something you don't like. Bloody weird.

MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom · 15/01/2015 20:13

Here we go the bonding brigade... I felt closer than ever to my DD when she went into full time nursery 5 days a week at 5 months.

Saki5000 · 15/01/2015 20:16

saki really, why not? Doesn't make any difference to the baby where the mum is going.

It would make a difference regarding whether I would think the mother had a strong bond with their baby.

fanjobiscuits · 15/01/2015 20:17

Total double standards. Really pisses me off. I wouldn't have left at that age personally but no judgement on others. OH had to be away for work and it was tough for me but not sure baby biscuits really noticed. So I think I'd feel more for the partner than the baby tbh.

Strokethefurrywall · 15/01/2015 20:18

Pffft. Going to work, going out on the piss "not being the same thing".

It is the same because essentially the end result is the same - baby being left in the capable hands of another caregiver. Makes no never mind who it is as long as they're loved and cared for.

littlejohnnydory · 15/01/2015 20:20

I did feel a bit privately judgy when a friend left her six week old with grandparents. I do subscribe to the 'fourth trimester' outlook and at that age baby doesn't know that mum is coming back. The level of care may be the same but baby will know mum's smell and be comforted by her presence. I do think it's cruel although wouldn't say so IRL. Would I say the same about a dad? I'd probably be judgy about the fact that he wanted to go away for a drunken weekend when his baby was so tiny. But he's unlikely to be the primary caregiver and source of comfort to the baby so the baby is unlikely to be affected in the same way.

Having said all that, plenty on mn will be judging the fact that I didn't leave my babies with their own dad to pop to the shop until they were about 8 months old.

Strokethefurrywall · 15/01/2015 20:21

Why does it matter if you think the mother has a strong bond with her baby Saki - what business is it of yours? Why judge someone parenting differently to you?

Tricycletops · 15/01/2015 20:24

I do think that a woman who is happy to leave their baby for the weekend at such a young age perhaps has bonded less with their baby than many of us do.

I didn't have my baby with me overnight until she was four weeks old. Care to share your incredibly fucking offensive views on my bonding abilities?

TheWordFactory · 15/01/2015 20:29

I wouldn't have done it OP, for the simple fact that I was just too bone tired!

After a difficult pregnancy and labour, I was still half dead.

But if a Mum is fit and well, the Dad or whoever, is cool about it, then why the hell not? I wouldn't judge.

LillyGrinter · 15/01/2015 20:29

I would have given an arm and leg to go away for a weekend when my daughter was that age. I felt miserable and lonely and hated the drudgery of a new baby. Maybe it was a bonding issue but now she's an enchanting 3 year old, we are very close and I hate being parted from het

jimmycrackcornbutidontcare · 15/01/2015 20:30

Leaving a tiny baby? It is a bit weird. Each to their own. As long as it is not me leaving mine I don't care.

GraysAnalogy · 15/01/2015 20:32

It would make a difference regarding whether I would think the mother had a strong bond with their baby

i hope you keep that sort of opinion to yourself usually because that's just the sort of shitty ridiculous comment that could contribute to post natal depression.

Sorry women if you would like a weekend off you obviously don't bond as much with your baby as saki here.

paintedfences · 15/01/2015 20:32

How is it 'weird' jimmy?

SolitudeSometimesIs · 15/01/2015 20:43

OP I hope you and your friends have a great weekend.

People are so judgemental. Your friend is leaving her baby with it's Father, not a random stranger. Since when has a Father been relegated to some sub-parent? I'm sure he is perfectly capable.

HappyIdiot · 15/01/2015 21:17

I had no choice but to leave dd with my mum for 3 days when she was 10 weeks old. She was fine and so was I. I had to cart a bloody great breast pump round London with me, I got asked if it was a briefcase! I missed her terribly but it really wasn't the end of the world.

pointythings · 15/01/2015 21:21

I wouldn't judge - I wouldn't have done it at such a young age, but we are all different and it's good for dads to have one to one bonding time and become confident with babies.

I first left DD1 when she was 8 months so that I could go on the Weakest Link - just one night away, but I was still bf. Pumping and dumping at the hotel was not glam, but I had a great time and DD and DH had no trouble at all.

ifgrandmahadawilly · 15/01/2015 21:25

I'm not sure judging is the right word but I would really struggle to understand how someone could chose to be away from their baby for so long at such a young age. In all honesty I would be wondering whether there was something wrong with emotionally / whether they hadn't bonded very well. This may be completely unfair because I would be going completely on how I felt after the birth of my daughter whereas it may well be that people just cope on different ways / have different needs. I just would have been horrified at having to leave my baby at that age and that feeling was so strong that it makes it a bit difficult to believe that anyone could feel differently.

I don't believe it would have any adverse effect on the baby to be left with it's dad though.

thesmallbear · 15/01/2015 21:38

I would really struggle to understand how someone could chose to be away from their baby for so long

PMSL. One weekend! Yes, that's a REALLY long time!

Yarp · 15/01/2015 21:40

I secretly judge people who say "would of" when they mean "would have". I mean, why can't they just have good grammar like me?

Yarp · 15/01/2015 21:41

Or say "it's" when they mean "its"