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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About friends judgeyness at other friend "leaving baby"

312 replies

Fanfeckintastic · 15/01/2015 18:28

There's a group of us organizing a weekend trip away for some time, most of us have children and can't wait to escape for a weekend of debauchery Grin
One of the group (all female) has a new baby who will be two and a half months when we go and I just can't believe the attitudes the others seem to have about her leaving the baby with her very capable partner for the weekend!

She's coping brilliantly, better than I did! And two of the girls raising their eyebrows about it the most, partners went to Ibiza for a week when their babies were about same same age so I really can't comprehend their judgeyness!

OP posts:
mytimewillcome · 16/01/2015 16:41

It wasn't passive aggressive to say that everyone parents differently! I thought it was quite a balanced comment! There have been at least 3 threads about leaving very young children. Two of them were leaving them with grannies for sleepovers. The 12 day old baby particularly made me sad. Just because I don't agree with you it doesn't mean I'm passive aggressive!

squoosh · 16/01/2015 16:44

We'll have to disagree. 'It seems I'm a 'martyr mummy' I never thought me wanting to keep my children close was a negative. It seems on mumsnet it is.' reads as fairly pass agg to me.

mytimewillcome · 16/01/2015 16:46

Yes we will. I read that as my point of view.

FrenchJunebug · 16/01/2015 17:12

I wouldn't judge. As a single mum I left my baby to friends even earlier than that. The baby will be with the dad, for eff sake not with some complete strangers.

Hope you both have a great week-end!

bigbluestars · 16/01/2015 17:18

FFs just because someone doesn't want to leave a baby and voices that doesn't mean they are passive aggressive.

Some of us think that these early weeks are very important in the one to one bonding relationship between mother and baby.

Writerwannabe83 · 16/01/2015 17:20

I think who the baby is being left with is irrelevant as that's not the issue. I haven't seen any mother say that dad/nan/auntie etc isn't capable and that's why they don't leave the baby.

The mother's don't leave the baby simply because they don't want to be away from them.

squoosh · 16/01/2015 17:21

'Some of us think that these early weeks are very important in the one to one bonding relationship between mother and baby.'

And I'm sure mothers who go away for a whole weekend (!) without their baby also think the early weeks are very important.

bigbluestars · 16/01/2015 17:27

"
And I'm sure mothers who go away for a whole weekend (!) without their baby also think the early weeks are very important."

Hmm
squoosh · 16/01/2015 17:28

You doubt that bluestars?

Greywackejones · 16/01/2015 17:29

I would no more leave mine now at 4/2 than I did then.

I would raise eyebrows. Then I'd remember you weren't me and no longer give a crap.

bigbluestars · 16/01/2015 17:29

No comment.

motherinferior · 16/01/2015 17:30

Those early weeks can also be absolute hell. Mine were. I'd have bitten the arm off anyone who'd offered me the opportunity of a weekend away. I'd have glugged champagne and fallen asleep, mind, and would never have fitted into any remotely debauchable outfit, but at two and a half months I was utterly miserable.

squoosh · 16/01/2015 17:30

It's possible to realise the early months are important whilst also realising that no harm will come to the mother child bond due to a two day absence.

bigbluestars · 16/01/2015 17:31

If you are breastfeeding it could be very disruptive.

squoosh · 16/01/2015 17:33

Yes it could. But not all mothers breastfeed.

LittleBearPad · 16/01/2015 17:34

Some very shitty comments on this thread. Fine some of you didn't want to leave your babies, I'd have been a lot happier if I had done so.

Applauds Jackie

bigbluestars · 16/01/2015 17:36

That's great.

Wild horses couldn't have dragged me away from my babies.

Greywackejones · 16/01/2015 17:36

Applauds?

See that I do raise eyebrows at.

squoosh · 16/01/2015 17:37

We get it bluestars, you're a wonderful mother and an example to women the world over. Your medal is in the post.

bigbluestars · 16/01/2015 17:38

squoosh- why so defensive?

bigbluestars · 16/01/2015 17:39

squoosh- can't you see you are being just as judgemental as those you criticise? Hilarious really.

squoosh · 16/01/2015 17:40

Not defensive at all. Why are you so aggressive and disapproving?

motherinferior · 16/01/2015 17:41

Raise them at me too. She makes excellent points.

Not everyone likes being with small babies. You can love your children passionately while longing to get away from them as well (that is, IME, one of the characteristic things of early parenthood).

People go on and on and on about the importance of Preserving Your Couple Relationship....I think it's equally, if not more, important to keep up with your friends and with the person you still are, albeit buried under the floppy detritus of motherhood. We're more than the sum of our reproductive parts, dammit.

LittleBearPad · 16/01/2015 17:42

Why Grey I think what Jackie is saying makes a lot of sense.

squoosh · 16/01/2015 17:42

bluestarsI can completely understand why a mother wouldn't want to leave a young baby for a weekend for all the tea in China. I can also understand why another mother would be happy to.

You though are just entrenched in the mindset of 'It's wrong. I'd judge'.