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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About friends judgeyness at other friend "leaving baby"

312 replies

Fanfeckintastic · 15/01/2015 18:28

There's a group of us organizing a weekend trip away for some time, most of us have children and can't wait to escape for a weekend of debauchery Grin
One of the group (all female) has a new baby who will be two and a half months when we go and I just can't believe the attitudes the others seem to have about her leaving the baby with her very capable partner for the weekend!

She's coping brilliantly, better than I did! And two of the girls raising their eyebrows about it the most, partners went to Ibiza for a week when their babies were about same same age so I really can't comprehend their judgeyness!

OP posts:
YoullLikeItNotaLot · 15/01/2015 19:25

thesmallbear

I'm judging the people who judge!

More succinct than the waffle I was going to put Grin

Strokethefurrywall · 15/01/2015 19:25

No judgement here, I left DS1 with DH at 5 months for a hen weekend in Miami and I was still nursing. Just took my breast pump and expressed when I needed as I'm sure your friend could do also (assuming she has no trouble expressing).

Would have no qualms leaving them earlier either!

Foolishlady · 15/01/2015 19:25

I wouldn't have done these either at that age either (much as I love a debauched weekend) but have to admit I'm judging the judgers too!

funkybuddah · 15/01/2015 19:27

I wouldn't judge. But then my dp has always done everything I do regarding th edcs. The baby will be fine, it's with its father for God's sake not a teenage babysitter.

I hope you all have a great time

Saki5000 · 15/01/2015 19:28

I would judge but I do think that a woman who is happy to leave their baby for the weekend at such a young age perhaps has bonded less with their baby than many of us do.

Saki5000 · 15/01/2015 19:28

would woudn't

GraysAnalogy · 15/01/2015 19:28

It's one weekend.

We bang on about rights for mothers but God forbid one wants a weekend to herself to let her hair down. I forgot having a baby means you have to martyr yourself.

Oh and all this fourth trimester stuff. How do you think babies cope when their mothers have to go into hospital, or have an emergency, or those poor babies who don't see their mothers at all because they're dead. One weekend isn't going to do any damage and to even try to insinuate otherwise is silly and damaging to women.

BMO · 15/01/2015 19:28

How odd that anyone would judge. Just because you personally wouldn't want to, doesn't make it wrong. I have never bought into this "childcare is a woman's job" thing though.

I doubt a 10 week old cares too much who looks after them so long as they do a good job of it.

GraysAnalogy · 15/01/2015 19:29

Oh and now here come the superior ones. Haven't bonded as much? Ffs.

Saki5000 · 15/01/2015 19:30

would wouldn't

bluebeanie · 15/01/2015 19:31

I would go, but I'd probably have early nights catching up with my sleep! The baby will be absolutely fine

scousadelic · 15/01/2015 19:35

I don't judge a mother leaving a baby for a short time with its other parent, if I was to judge it would be that women with partners and children plan debauchery

GraysAnalogy · 15/01/2015 19:37

When my mums group of friends go on about nights of debauchary it basically means one too many wines and a kebab.

Mouthfulofquiz · 15/01/2015 19:38

It's difficult because although I wouldn't judge, I would be reflecting on the fact that there was no way I would have been able to leave either of my children at that age, not even for one night. I'm sure they would have been fine, and it's certainly not a reflection on their dad who is very capable... Just that I would have felt completely unable to do that. My friends do joke that I descend into the 'baby bubble' and emerge about 16 months later. We're all different aren't we? So yes, they are being unreasonable to judge.

Mouthfulofquiz · 15/01/2015 19:40

Also - if I was going to have a weekend childfree at this point, I would be in a hotel, alone, in silence. And already in bed with a glass of champagne! Not on a raucous weekender!

StillInMeJimJams · 15/01/2015 19:43

Fuck me. Back in the bad old days of 1987 when a woman had to work for the same employer for 2 years to get paid mat leave I got made redundant at 5 months pregnant. All above board, was me & hundreds of others. I managed to get another job straight away but after having DS in the August I had to return to work in mid November. We couldn't afford for me not to. Yes it was hard but did it prevent bonding? No. Has it affected DS? No. OK so it wasn't that I was leaving him to go away & have fun but the end result was the same. I left my DS with my DM, someone else who loved him & looked after him. I really don't understand why a DM of a young baby wanting to have a short break whilst the other parent cares for their DC is worthy of judging.

GraysAnalogy · 15/01/2015 19:43

Same here mouth that's more up my street. But I suppose a weekend away with friends would be good for the woman after a 9 month slog of pregnancy. Good for mental health.

Original poster
Fanfeckintastic · 15/01/2015 19:43

Exactly grays!

Judging women with partners and children who plan debauchery Confused how strange. Is fun and the odd night out supposed to stop because we have partners and children?

Some of these comments make me so grateful for my partner and friends, all of whom still enjoy the odd wild night!

OP posts:
GraysAnalogy · 15/01/2015 19:44

I wonder what some of the posters here think about women in places like the US where they have to go back to work after a couple of weeks and even - shock horror - go away on business.

jeanmiguelfangio · 15/01/2015 19:44

I wouldnt judge her, its her baby and only she knows how she will be. Just because i wouldnt do it doesnt mean its not right for others. My sil often leaves DNs at her mums and good for her too, id love to be relaxed enough to leave my DD and she is nearly 2!!!
Mums get enough guilt from themselves without all the rest of us chiming in!!

Saki5000 · 15/01/2015 19:48

I wonder what some of the posters here think about women in places like the US where they have to go back to work after a couple of weeks and even - shock horror - go away on business.

I think that they have to go to work so it's not the same thing.

Siennasun · 15/01/2015 19:48

Lol at "fourth trimester". Stupidest thing I've heard for a while. Grin

I wouldn't want to go away without DS still and he is 2, but of course it's fine for OPs friend and anyone else to do it. People are different.

I am judging the judgers too.

Jengnr · 15/01/2015 19:50

I left my baby with his Dad overnight at 7 weeks to go on the piss with my mates. Judge away!! We had a great time. Pfb was fine. No issues with bonding, everyone was happy.

It does dads good to learn from early on to be just as capable. And it's nice for them and the babies to get that one on one time too.

DurhamDurham · 15/01/2015 19:50

Those that judge, are you still judging me 21 years after I left my daughter in the capable hands of my mother, or is it more of a short term judginess?

pillowaddict · 15/01/2015 19:51

No judgement here. I left dd overnight first time at 2 months and then again for a few days at 6 months and 7 months. I adore her but I like to have a break too! Due in 4 weeks with dc2 and will do the same if I'm lucky enough to be offered the break by dsis.