Taking days off work for ill child

[Shoegal0305]

I'm venting so please bear with me fellow MNers! My DS was poorly this week, flu like symptoms, laying in bed no energy. He's 12. I'm a single parent with NO support. I work part time in a challenging (but thoroughly enjoyable) job.

Cut a long story short....... I rang work short notice on two occasions this week, to use up my annual leave as DS poorly and I obviously have to look after him. Second time the message wasn't passed on (not my fault!!) and it did cause a bit of hassle with cover etc I appreciate that. So today my boss calls me in, all 'nicey nicey' saying that my son is at secondary school now and exactly what age do I intend leaving him on his own when ill as me going off short notice caused a lot of problems!!!!!! I said what the hell am I supposed to do???!!! He was ill in bed, really not well and you are expecting me to leave him on his own from 7.30am till whenever in the evening (I'm supposed to finish at 4 but nature of the job means it is often 6/7pm!!). I bit my tongue, said sorry, but also I cannot promise it won't happen again as what on earth am I supposed to do?! He was off in December (I

took ONE day annual leave!) as he injured his foot and was on crutches. She said its 'happening a lot'!!!! I've come out and managed to compose myself but I'm fucking FUMING!!! Work have been good, I appreciate that they have their jobs to do. But what on earth am I supposed to do, as a single mum with no support???? She really thinks I would leave an asthmatic 12 year old on his own ALL DAY?????

Thanks rabbitcar and chiefbrodyxx

I can see your employers point to be honest, your childcare issues are not their responsibility and if you won't leave him alone when he's ill (which I see no problem doing with a 12 year old) then it's your responsibility to have emergency back up childcare, especially as you have chosen a job in the emergency services where it isn't quite as simple as just taking the day off. That's what you sign up to in such careers.

You are entitled to the leave but it is likely to be unpaid. They do not have to pay you. We offer one day paid a year for this, then staff are expected to make arrangements. Most can. For those in a situation like yours, additional leave unpaid might be granted but if that is having an impact - eg someone who loses time every month for a child with a cold ( not seriously ill I mean) we would talk to them and would reach the point we would stop authorising the absence. 2 instances of unauthorised absence result in disciplinary action.

But why should an employer accept someone is regularly not at work because of any non- serious circumstances?

. The OP takes it as short notice annual leave, until now this has not been a problem. It's not uncommon for this to be the solution.

She hasn't had unauthorised absence though it sounds like a message went astray. And the child was pretty ill.

Lezprechaun you would seriously leave your asthmatic 12 year old son home alone from 7.30-whenever? With flu like symptoms, high temp and wheezy chest????

Lulujakey I am not regularly off with my child???

And lezprechaun when I 'signed up' to this profession I wasn't a single parent and, through no fault of my own, ive become one. What do you suggest that I give my job up????

Do some ppl on this thread really not see the irony of the OPS boss who is NHS expecting her to leave a sick child at home alone.

But you didn't just take the day of for his asthma, you said you also ha a day off when he injured his foot. If you were only having time for serious illnesses they may be more understanding but 3 days in 2 months is a lot.

Shoegal im with you on this. We have met many hard working concientious paramedics such as yourself because of DHs health condition.

And being in a similar career where lives depend on my being in work I would ensure I had a back up plan, perhaps agree a swap with another single parent to check in on each other's kids when they are ill, befriend a neighbour who may be happy to help out, move closer to family support if necessary, ask of any of the school support staff might like to earn some extra money on their days off etc. but basically I would have a plan in place, only if that plan fell through would I take the day off but I think not even having a plan and taking time off for what I see an non-essential (meaning his injured foot here) is unreasonable.

And what about her exemplary record before then Lez. Or does that not count for anything.

Employers who want everything done by the book often dont like it when the employee starts doing the same.

So when I get a call from school to ask to pick my son up as he's injured himself what do I do? And who takes him to the hospital for an X-ray? Say sorry I can't come im at work??? Seriously what do I do? Yes 3 days in two months is a tad excessive but in 9 years I think I've had around 5 days off with my son. I don't think that's excessive.

5 days in 9 years is fuck all. Do ppl not think the NHS is short enough of ppl as it is This is a paramedic with 19 years experience here.

No it is in no way excessive, and in my opinion you dont have to have the back up plan your employer does.

It could be you that is sick what do they do then?

It is not your fault if your employer is understaffed [harsh but true]

Lezprechaun I don't think you grasp the concept of asthma here?! Ask a friend to pop in?? So what happens if he has an asthma attack in the interim? And what happens if I get the 999 call which my 'friend' puts in when he does? Seriously! No parent I know, or would care to know, would leave a child home alone with symptoms my son had! No he wasn't 'seriously' ill but he could've been given his condition and the fact he was needing his inhaler hourly. There is no way on this earth I would leave him with this. And if I went to a call whereby a child had been left home alone in this situation I wouldn't hesitate to refer it to social services!!!!

I don't think the OP had any option in this case but the one she took. She isn't off regularly, she was quite open and honest and you can't leave an ill asthmatic child alone.
My issue was with people who think it's a good idea to claim illness for yourself which the OP has not done. I do however acknowledge that behaviour such as her manager 's make that sort of dishonesty look like a tempting option for some people.
However I also think that people can't honestly expect to be off for an extended period with sick children without there being some impact such as the expectation to take unpaid leave at some point.

It's really tough being a working single parent. I've been one! I see both points of view though.

I've actually noticed that people at my work have less sympathy when someone is taking time off for older children. A few grumbles about "isn't s/he old enough to be left alone?".

5 days in 9 years is not excessive no but you're drip feeding here only now mentioning this and only adding in about the asthma and phone call from school later. To be fair I wouldn't be a paramedic as a single parent with no support, not that I think people shouldn't just I know I couldn't juggle that effectively. At my uni interview for midwifery they asked us about family support and what would happen in the event of a sick child etc. to make sure we had plans even before starting the training. Anyone who didn't have a plan didn't get on the course. I'm not saying it's right but it's the way it is and anyone working in that system knows it. I just think you need to get a plan in place for the future then you're only taking absolute emergencies off which they couldn't rightly say a thing about then.

EdSheeran he is totally old enough to be left alone and he is regularly as I trust him and I hope ive brought him up well enough to be sensible. But I would not leave him in the state he was in x

I understand asthma. As a paramedic I'm sure you are aware that severe life threatening asthma attacks can occur at ANY time not just when a child is ill and you have already said you leave him alone when he is well so I take that to show that he is able to manage his asthma and seek help when needed. I'm not arguing you, I didn't say leave him alone with the asthma issues, I mentioned the foot injury. I'm also not saying you were wrong to have the day off in this case but I do think you need an ongoing plan to avoid this as much as possible and if all else fails then on course you prioritise your child.

I'm not drip feeding at all the facts are just coming out in the course of the conversation!!! And I was a paramedic years before I had my DS I didn't knowingly go into this profession in the situation I'm in now! What do you suggest? My partner leaves me with a 3 year old, I have no family support, I know, I'll just give my job up too?????