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Original poster

Taking days off work for ill child

250 replies

Shoegal0305 · 15/01/2015 13:57

I'm venting so please bear with me fellow MNers! My DS was poorly this week, flu like symptoms, laying in bed no energy. He's 12. I'm a single parent with NO support. I work part time in a challenging (but thoroughly enjoyable) job.

Cut a long story short....... I rang work short notice on two occasions this week, to use up my annual leave as DS poorly and I obviously have to look after him. Second time the message wasn't passed on (not my fault!!) and it did cause a bit of hassle with cover etc I appreciate that. So today my boss calls me in, all 'nicey nicey' saying that my son is at secondary school now and exactly what age do I intend leaving him on his own when ill as me going off short notice caused a lot of problems!!!!!! I said what the hell am I supposed to do???!!! He was ill in bed, really not well and you are expecting me to leave him on his own from 7.30am till whenever in the evening (I'm supposed to finish at 4 but nature of the job means it is often 6/7pm!!). I bit my tongue, said sorry, but also I cannot promise it won't happen again as what on earth am I supposed to do?! He was off in December (I

took ONE day annual leave!) as he injured his foot and was on crutches. She said its 'happening a lot'!!!! I've come out and managed to compose myself but I'm fucking FUMING!!! Work have been good, I appreciate that they have their jobs to do. But what on earth am I supposed to do, as a single mum with no support???? She really thinks I would leave an asthmatic 12 year old on his own ALL DAY?????

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 15/01/2015 17:19

In fact I think your manager's attitude has been positively counter productive as you're obviously passionate about your job.

Original poster
Shoegal0305 · 15/01/2015 17:21

I'm very passionate about my job sooty I think 99% of us are where I work I don't think we would survive the job otherwise. I'm going to sleep on it im sure I will feel better in the morning? Thankyou all for your comments I appreciate them and I do see both sides of this situation I just feel there was completely no option here than me to stay off work and look after DS.

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 15/01/2015 17:21

But ordinarily, could they possibly be available? I really do think you need to work out something and it won't be for long until you are happy to leave your sone so hopefully you won't even need to ask anyone!

What about other colleagues wife's for example? Or colleagues? You aren't asking for babysitting (depending what's wrong with him, obviously) so you could cobble together enough people to have back up. I know I would help a colleague if I could, and they would for me.

YonicSleighdriver · 15/01/2015 17:24

Nick, the trouble with those is that very few people are 100% available and OP probably needs to know if something can be put together within about a 15 min window at 7am or so.

This is why dependent's leave exists.

Nicknacky · 15/01/2015 17:24

sara A temp employee might be an option for a lot of occupations but not for emergency services like the op. It's not as easy as you seem to think to cover those roles and while it isn't the employees responsibility, it is their responsibility minimise their absence.

Nicknacky · 15/01/2015 17:26

yonic exactly, that's what's what dependency leave is for. But at the moment the op doesn't have anyone to leave her son with which is the issue that her employer has. And couple with that, I'm fairly sure the op will have days off during the week so with enough possible helpers she may have a fall back.

bumblingbovine49 · 15/01/2015 17:27

DS had this. "Luckily" we were on out Christmas leave. He ended up having a seziure and was taken into hospital in an ambulance and ended up diagnosed with viral meningitis. I am not saying this will happen at all but NO WAY would I ever leave DS if he was as sick as you are describing not even for an hour or two. I don't give a monkey's about work. If I had left DS in our case no-one would have known he had had a seizure.

Once your DS he is feeling better with no fever for at least 24 hours maybe then go in for a bir or do a half day of work. An alternative is to book an emergency "baby sitter" if you can find one who will come and look after someone who is ill. They are expensive but don't leave him alone while he is that sick. I wouldn't leave my dh alone if he was that ill for more than a very short time.

YoullLikeItNotaLot · 15/01/2015 17:35

It's hard enough when there's two of you to deal with sickness. Nightmare for you OP.

I've read a couple of comments saying "no job is more important than a child" - well I think a single parent doesn't have the luxury of being that bold. Single parents have it hard enough without feeling they're selling their children short by trying to provide for them.

YonicSleighdriver · 15/01/2015 17:35

Nick, dependency leave gives "reasonable" time off to make alternative arrangements. That is deliberate wording as for each person and each profession, a different thing would be reasonable.

Is it reasonable for OP to find, at 7am, one of say five people prepared to look after an asthmatic boy for a whole day who may be sick enough to need a nebuliser? (I say five to give cover in case some already have plans, are away etc)

I don't think that is reasonable, no.

Is it reasonable that if the illness looks like taking a second day, she books annual leave or a sitter through sitters.co.uk or gets a relative to travel up if one is available?

Yes, perhaps that's more reasonable.

Nicknacky · 15/01/2015 17:39

yonic I think that's key, the word "reasonable". And I don't imagine any employer will object to a parent taking the first day to sort things out. The issue with this situation is that the op doesn't have anyone for any additional days and that's what the employer is expecting her to have in place. I don't think that is unreasonable of them.

YonicSleighdriver · 15/01/2015 17:40

Nick, one of the reasonable solutions is to use AL. That's what OP did the first time and thought she had done the second time, but message didn't get through.

Gotta say, using AL would always be my first choice too.

LadySybilLikesSloeGin · 15/01/2015 17:41

A lot of qualified nannies/sitters won't care for a sick child because of the insurance/risk/qualifications they need etc. What do you do at midnight when your child starts to vomit and you're due in work at 9am? There isn't anyone to call, no relatives who can travel 3 hours on the train to help you out. You have no choice but to take the day off as there's no one else.

HopefulHamster · 15/01/2015 17:42

The problem is Nicknacky, is that there is NO easy answer for the OP, and that's why she was venting. It's a frustrating situation. How do you get help to look after a sick child if you can't personally do it? I mean anyone without family nearby? I'm married but my husband and I have no family near. If we were indisposed then who could look after my children?

Fortunately my work is sympathetic and I can, to some extent, do my job from home.

But my friends all have kids and won't watch to catch an illness, and the same for childminders and nannies!

Nicknacky · 15/01/2015 17:44

Al wouldn't be an option for me, we have set period and have to give notice. I'm obviously not sure what ambulance service usually do but I'm surprised they wanted op to take it as leave. I thought they would have a similar set up to us.

sarascompact · 15/01/2015 17:48

"It's not as easy as you seem to think to cover those roles and while it isn't the employees responsibility,"

It's not as easy to obtain care for a sick child as you think either.

The bottom line is that the failure of an employer to have a contingency plan in case of staff absence is neither my responsibility nor my problem. The care of my sick child is both.

I can't believe you're suggesting that the OP should ask a colleague's spouse to care for her ill child! I really can't! I wouldn't have the cheek to do that even if I wanted to and I knew the person really well.

Original poster
Shoegal0305 · 15/01/2015 17:50

Sara I would never ask I only ever ask favours from friends who I would be happy to do the same for x

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 15/01/2015 17:53

Why can't you believe that? I'm talking about popping their head round the door of an unwell 12 year old who is in his own home.

Obviously I'm talking about the usually minor illnesses that kids get that keeps them off school.

In the type of working environment the op is in, you sometimes know colleagues and spouses well as it can be a social occupation. I merely suggested it as a possible option and is no more of a wacky suggestion of using a babysitter service.

Nicknacky · 15/01/2015 17:54

Op I will now out as you clearly don't want any suggestions. God luck

youarekiddingme · 15/01/2015 17:55

I am a LP and sympathise with any parent who has to take time off for sick/ injured child. It's a rock and hard place situation.

A colleague of mine this week arranged for DC dad to have her2 days, her DP for the other and she had to take one. Work were funny saying it wasn't emergency leave as she knew she had broken arm at weekend! Well yes but who else could actually have child - she managed to cover 4/5 days. I felt for her.

Original poster
Shoegal0305 · 15/01/2015 17:58

Nick everything you've suggested ive informed, on this occasion, wasn't an option. I told my boss the same which is why I am annoyed by it. I had no choice other than to stay at home. And the crux of all this is that im pissed off that my boss seems to think the option was to leave my son at home alone!

OP posts:
YonicSleighdriver · 15/01/2015 18:02

Nick, I know you are going now but this sounds like DS could've got worse between checks. I font think this was minor.

YonicSleighdriver · 15/01/2015 18:03

Don't think!

LadySybilLikesSloeGin · 15/01/2015 18:09

You can't leave a sick asthmatic child alone, asthma can be lethal and they need supervision all the time. Kids deteriorate very quickly so it's unwise to ask a neighbour to pop their head through the door every hour. It takes minutes for an asthmatic to pass out and if they don't get medical attention right away the outcomes are usually not good Sad

chiefbrody · 15/01/2015 18:16

I would just carry on doing what your doing. If he is sick stay home and look after him.

My family would come before any job.

I would not leave a poorly child home on their own until they are 16 as you as a parent are legally still responsible for them.... What if he took a turn for the worse and could not ring you, you would be held accountable.

And I know people on mn leave their kids all the time to go to work etc but it does not sit right with me.

I am the parent so I will parent.

Rabbitcar · 15/01/2015 18:18

Shoegal, you have my total sympathy. A nightmare situation for you, but you took the day off as annual leave (so no lying and pulling a sickie) and looked after your son. In my view, you couldn't have done anything else.

I'm in a (compared to you) cushy office job, with support from my parents, and DH and I take turns to take time off if DCs are sick. It's still very stressful so I really feel for you.

Some employers are more understanding than others. I don't think anyone can judge what you did unless they have been in an identical situation to you. Not everyone has hordes of local friends and neighbours free to drop in to look after a sick child.

OP, I'm glad your son is well now and long may it continue. If he's sick again, you will have to do the same again. What do people expect you to do?? It's not that easy to change to a more child friendly career, and you have a valuable skill.

Yes it caused hassle and stress for your employers but I'm sure you work hard the rest of the time, and would be willing to step in if someone else needed help.

Hope you can reach a situation with your employers that works.