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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To judge this?

192 replies

youlookbeautifultonight · 14/01/2015 20:56

A friend has just told me that last weekend her Dm took her then 12 day old baby to the coast for the weekend in a touring caravan without her. I know it is non of my business really but I am just a bit shocked that anyone would want there new baby away from them in a cold damp caravan in January, it must have been freezing ConfusedShock.

OP posts:
Gileswithachainsaw · 16/01/2015 22:34

No heating or double glazing??

OMG if only there were such things as portable heaters, vests coats fleecy sleep suits and gloves and hats and gro bags.

EveDallasRetd · 16/01/2015 22:42

A gas fire would heat a touring caravan in a matter of minutes. Perfectly acceptable and most older models have them.

If the van has an electric hookup (almost certainly) they could use a blow heater, oil filled radiator or halogen fire, again perfectly acceptable and would heat the surroundings in a matter of minutes.

The baby would (hopefully) spend most of its time sleeping. In a quilted baby sleeping bag it would be perfectly safe and cosy, even without heating. My neice had her baby in winter, in a rotten council flat with gap around all the windows. Neice used to cry with the cold, but the baby (now a wonderful 16 year old) was never cold.

I really don't understand the judgement of this woman. Nor why it's any of your business. Suggest to leave her FB OP - because you sure as hell aren't her friend.

FightOrFlight · 17/01/2015 02:02

Oh I'd forgotten all about this thread. It really is the gift that keeps on giving

ConfusedInBath · 17/01/2015 07:20

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ConfusedInBath · 17/01/2015 07:22

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ScrambledEggAndToast · 17/01/2015 07:40

I would hoik my judgy pants up high, who wants their 12 day old baby gone without them? How odd Confused

KatieKaye · 17/01/2015 08:05

Unless Granny forcibly wrenched the babe from its mother's arms, or mother forced Granny to take babe away and instructed that no heating was to be used in the caravan, I can't see what the issue is.

Most people would not voluntarily sleep in a freezing caravan when they could be warm at home, so it's a fair bet the caravan does have heating.

We've got no idea of the circumstances behind this decision, so why the judging? If friend was happy with the decision (and no indication that she was not) and if Granny and baby are both happy too, then what is the problem?

Just because you would not do this does not make it wrong for any of the participants, does not mean there will be any health implications or that there will be any problems with future bonding.

ConfusedInBath · 17/01/2015 08:36

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skylark2 · 17/01/2015 09:24

If it's in the south of England, it's hardly been cold. The fact the month's called January doesn't make it less suitable - it's often colder in October and plenty of people caravan then who wouldn't normally consider doing so in January.

Is it entirely normal for a 12 day old to be away from its mum with granny for a weekend? No, but so what? I would assume mum was struggling really, really badly and needed a complete break (not just baby in the next room with another adult). Everyone doesn't bond in the same way. The world does not end if you are not the only person your baby trusts.

And yes, if a friend told me this I'd assume it was a sideways request for support.

The whole "it doesn't have central heating or double glazing" thing is very odd. I'm trying to imagine the conversation.

Friend: Baby spent the weekend with mum.

OP: Oh really, were you okay with that?

Friend: Sure, I know the caravan is really old and has no double glazing or heating but I knew baby would be fine...

Or is it far more likely to have been "sure, the caravan's perfectly warm and cozy"?

You can't possibly tell from a photo whether a caravan has double glazing. We had a caravan where some windows were and some weren't and from the outside they all looked exactly the same. Similarly for central heating - it's often hot air blowers at floor level, they look exactly like ventilation grates.

MrsDeVere · 17/01/2015 10:53

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MrsDeVere · 17/01/2015 10:55

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ConfusedInBath · 17/01/2015 13:23

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MrsDeVere · 17/01/2015 13:28

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TSSDNCOP · 17/01/2015 13:44

To judge this?

No. It wouldn't even blip on my Giveashitometre.

And I say this as someone who's with Clarkson on the subject of caravans apols to MrsDV who I know is a devotee

ConfusedInBath · 17/01/2015 13:46

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5madthings · 17/01/2015 13:49

The week madthing3 was born our boiler died, we had no heating or hot water, in an old terrace with no double glazing or insulation. There was snow on the ground, Dec baby, our house,was bloody freezing, a caravan would have been warner and it's a smaller space to heat so easy with a gas fire etc. We had a crap fan heater we took dfrom room to room.

I wouldn't have done it, just because like mrsdevere I literally didn't put my baby down when tiny, fed on demand and they stayed with me. But meh each to their own.

coolaschmoola · 17/01/2015 14:00

My touring caravan has three inches of insulation between the inner and outer skin. That's more than plenty of houses. It has a dual fuel boiler.

I know some of you find it hard to believe but we use it year round and have never been cold in it, not even in January in East Germany. Which is significantly colder than here. I live at the coast and would happily go off next weekend, we were talking about it last night.

Would I have let my mum take dd at 12 days? No. Would I judge someone else who did? No.

Life would be a lot better for mum's if we stopped judging each other.
I know some of you find it hard to believe

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