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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To judge this?

192 replies

youlookbeautifultonight · 14/01/2015 20:56

A friend has just told me that last weekend her Dm took her then 12 day old baby to the coast for the weekend in a touring caravan without her. I know it is non of my business really but I am just a bit shocked that anyone would want there new baby away from them in a cold damp caravan in January, it must have been freezing ConfusedShock.

OP posts:
softlysoftly · 15/01/2015 10:26

came back to the thread and it's gone all sensible. Valiant effort though Baldwin -fightorflight--

Honeydragon · 15/01/2015 10:48

Really, you think it's gone sensible?

TwinkieTwinkle · 15/01/2015 10:49

When DS was a newborn we stayed with my parents. Every morning when he woke screaming at 5am my dad (who has always been an early riser) would get a bottle, heat it and take him for a cuddle for a couple of hours before he had to get ready for work. I honestly don't know how I would have coped (ds was a terrible sleeper the first couple of months) if he hadn't done this. Didn't affect any bond I have with him. When he was seven months old we all went on holiday. I let him go ahead with my parents and flew out two days later, due to university. Wouldn't have changed it.

grannytomine · 15/01/2015 10:57

You abu, there might be very valid reasons. My DGS was staying with me at just a couple of days older as DDiL had severe PND. Maybe people think me refusing to have him so he was with her when she took an overdose would have been a better idea.

Sorry, don't mean to sound snotty but it hit a nerve.

coolaschmoola · 15/01/2015 11:23

Don't really get the ishoo with the caravan tbh. We have central heating in ours,, plus a cooker, fridge, microwave, kettle, shower,, space for a moses basket or travel cot and a sink big enough to bath a tiny in.

We have taken dd camping year round since she was born. Our van even has snow poles for the awning so it can be used for skiing. It's German built, as are a lot of the caravans in the UK and it's designed for year round German weather, so is insulated to be comfortable down to - 20 (German winter temp where we lived). If it's a decent van with a good heating system cold will not be an issue and they have ALL the home comforts in them too.

caitlinohara · 15/01/2015 11:27

I think lots of people are wilfully misunderstanding the OP and twisting it to fit their own experiences (nothing new there then Hmm).

twinkie your dad getting up to give your ds a bottle rather than you doing it is obv not remotely the same as someone taking a 12 day old baby for a weekend away.

TwinkieTwinkle · 15/01/2015 11:32

It would surely have an impact on the 'bonding' that people are wittering on about. The whole original post was incredibly judgemental. Everyone has their reasons for doing stuff, it's not for others to judge.

caitlinohara · 15/01/2015 11:47

Well, the OP did question whether she was being overly judgmental. I think anyone judging you = unreasonable. But come on, a 12 day old baby being taken for a weekend AWAY (not at the gm's house) by the grandmother - that's EXTREMELY unusual, and I think most of us would be a bit - Hmm about it. And as I said earlier, I wouldn't say anything about it because it would be none of my business. Some of you sound as though this sort of thing happens all the time - it really doesn't!

Gileswithachainsaw · 15/01/2015 11:54

It probably happens more than you think. But threads like this make people feel guilty for accepting help or not coping so well. so no one says anything.

if it doesn't work for you then fine don't do it. but never getting a break or allowing others to look after the baby doesn't work for alot of people either.

baby was loved and cared for and even got a holiday. can't get worked up about it.

GahBuggerit · 15/01/2015 12:30

"I know it is non of my business really"

This.

Sidge · 15/01/2015 12:37

Oh come on, there's a big difference between leaving a brand new 12 day old baby because you, or the baby, has to go into hospital, or leaving it with a family member overnight or for an afternoon, and waving it off with Granny for a weekend away!

I would practically dislocate my eyebrows raising them if one of my friends told me she did this.

Gileswithachainsaw · 15/01/2015 12:41

What if it was left with the dad for a weekend. still a parent ? is it ok? dad's are back at work after two weeks. is it ok for the dad to be away at work.for two days over night or just mums who are judged even though the dad should be in a fitter state than the mum

LaLyra · 15/01/2015 12:45

I don't really get the drama over the caravan. Yes some caravans are bloody freezing, but some are lovely with central heating and the likes. Why the assumption that a mother and grandmother would send the baby to a baltic caravan rather than a nice cosy one? Does it just fit better with the moral judgement?

SugarFreeGruffaloCrumble · 15/01/2015 12:51

Re the nipple bar removal...I took out my nipple piercing about 6 years ago. As far as I knew it was closed. Until I started bfing dd last April. Yes, milk comes out of both of the (distinctly unclosed) side holes like a garden sprinkler. The health visitor found it hilarious Grin

mytimewillcome · 15/01/2015 12:54

But is the caravan the main issue with the op or the 12 day old baby going on holiday with its grandmother? We've been asked our opinions and we're giving them. It seems to me that the mothers who have done this are getting very defensive. And it also seems to me that posters are trying to make mothers feel guilty if they haven't allowed their new born to stay somewhere overnight.Hmm

LaLyra · 15/01/2015 12:59

I think it's odd to assume the baby went on holiday. If you are friends with someone then you'll have a general idea what they are like. If anyone I knew told me that their baby went on holiday with their granny at 12 days I'd assume they were playing down the fact that they, for whatever reason, had needed the granny's help rather than assume they were some sort of neglectful mother who shipped off their baby to the first person that asked.

DixieNormas · 15/01/2015 13:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mytimewillcome · 15/01/2015 13:19

if they went off in a caravan wouldn't you think that was a holiday?

caitlinohara · 15/01/2015 13:41

LaLyra no, it just highlights the oddness as far as I am concerned. I have never heard of this happening before, despite what others have said - and NO ONE else here has done it either. Everyone else's examples are markedly different from sending a newborn on 'holiday' with relatives.

giles Grin at "baby got a holiday" comment. And I think that there is a big, big middle ground between not accepting help and not having any contact with the baby for a whole weekend.

wobblyweebles · 15/01/2015 13:42

I'm chuckling at the idea that all caravans are damp and cold.

I live in Northern New England where the temperature last night was -25C. Plenty of people round here live in static caravans year round.

Gileswithachainsaw · 15/01/2015 14:21

I'm equally Grin at the idea that a 12 day old reply has any idea who their mum is.

given mums of twins and triplets have admitted to struggling to tell apart and babies that have gone home. With the wrong parents from hospital kinda shows that parents wouldn't even recognise their own baby early on either.

A weekend wouldn't do any harm. and mum . got some rest.

Honeydragon · 15/01/2015 14:25

Odd, doesn't mean bad.

MrsDeVere · 15/01/2015 15:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BastardGoDarkly · 15/01/2015 15:07

A weekend is not 'a holiday' ! It could be Saturday morning to Sunday afternoon, or Friday night to Monday morning. So.fucking.What.

firesidechat · 15/01/2015 15:08

Static caravans are very different to touring ones though. Statics are designed for living in all year round and are permanent dwellings. Tourers are built for, well touring and have to be relatively lightweight and thin walled.

Has the op said why the baby was taken to a touring caravan and not a house? Does the grandmother live in one and not a house?