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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To judge this?

192 replies

youlookbeautifultonight · 14/01/2015 20:56

A friend has just told me that last weekend her Dm took her then 12 day old baby to the coast for the weekend in a touring caravan without her. I know it is non of my business really but I am just a bit shocked that anyone would want there new baby away from them in a cold damp caravan in January, it must have been freezing ConfusedShock.

OP posts:
Honeydragon · 14/01/2015 22:34

Let the "I'm The Most Devoted Mother" competition begin!

Took the baby in the bus in snow and ice at 3 days old. Let clucky sales assistants in M&S look after her whilst I picked up nursing bras and a turkey crown.

Abandoned said baby with MiL at 6 days to do the christmas food shop.

Bought no Christmas presents for baby.

Gave baby first sledge ride at 4 weeks old. Abandoned baby in school office and helped clear paths at school so clearly favoured elder child could have an education.

Immacced baby at 6 weeks avoided chemical burns but not inevitable hair loss.

I.Fucking.Win.

Gileswithachainsaw · 14/01/2015 22:35
OhShittingHenry · 14/01/2015 22:36

This kind of opinionated yet ill informed judginess boils my piss. I had terrible PND and God alone knows what I'd have done to cope had my sainted mother and long suffering father stepped in and had baby at 10 days old. For a week. He's in his 20's now and we are very close so bonding issues my arse. We've always been close. He's close to his dad. OP - may I politely suggest you dislodge your beak until you have a clue. Ta.

OhShittingHenry · 14/01/2015 22:38

@ Honey Grin

5madthings · 14/01/2015 22:39

It's not something I could have done but I wouldn't judge.

Re hospital stay if a baby is bfed the hospital has a duty of care to keep mum and.baby together and facilitate bfeeding, if I had to go in when feeding a tiny baby I would insist the came or that dp could bring them to me for feeds.

Honeydragon · 14/01/2015 22:40

I haven't let my babies on a caravan though. Terrible dangerous things. Eldest favoured child did live on a boat a lot. Much safer as he had a soft landing if he fell out a window.

Birdsgottafly · 14/01/2015 22:40

Had my Nephew overnight from two weeks old, his Mum needed that support and as long as he was fed and cuddled, it didn't matter to him, who was providing that care.

There isn't a one size fits all when it comes to bonding, a break and rest can be the difference between struggling and parenting inadequetly and overall parenting well.

Women who had PND, were once judged, we now encourage Women to get and take the help they need.

If a woman is struggling for any other reason, then she should be able to ask her Mum for any help she needs and everyone else should butt the fuck out.

If you are generally a judgemental person, they aren't going to share what's really going on.

I saw parents who should of asked and taken the support being offered, when I was a CP SW, there children suffered because they struggled on.

My DD has a month old baby, I'm babysitting on Friday and having her for two nights at six weeks old.

My DD is BF on demand, she has well enough time to bond and has done so.

A baby doesn't bond with it's primary carer in a way that causes Emotional Damage, if it doesn't happen, until three months of age.

Then the care should be consistent, but the baby is able to be left with secondary carers and bond with them, with no lasting damage and the research shows that children benefit from developing a strong secondary carer attachment/relationship.

Every tribe was based on this theory, Grandmothers would look after newborns/infants whilst the Parents went back to their village duties.

This new idea of Mothers being in isolation and children being with just primary carers until people outside the family (Childminders/teachers etc) take over, is a new concept and one which isn't doing our Mental Health any favours.

There is nothing to judge, here.

Gileswithachainsaw · 14/01/2015 22:41

Actually I left dd1 with my mum downstairs at just a couple of hours old so I could get a nap having been up half the night. (dp had to take my place for something)

oh and I also dared leave the house when she was just hours old to a tattoo parlour. needed my nipper bar removed for bf.

do I get second place?

FightOrFlight · 14/01/2015 22:41

Immacced a baby Shock

I think we need a special award for this achievement.

Honeydragon · 14/01/2015 22:43

It's ok Flight, they gave me that award years ago. Wink

Honeydragon · 14/01/2015 22:44

You get a bloody medal and commendation for having a nipple bar removed with post birth nipples and boobs.

You must be well fucking hard Shock

softlysoftly · 14/01/2015 22:47

Hang on back up.

"Immaced my baby" requires a little more explanation!

Gileswithachainsaw · 14/01/2015 22:49
Grin
notonyourninny · 14/01/2015 22:50

Are you getting a wedgy?

Ineedanewone · 14/01/2015 22:50

Giles, just out of nosiness, when you got your piercing out was your nip like a watering can?

FightOrFlight · 14/01/2015 22:50
DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 14/01/2015 22:51

Yabu. I wouldn't have done this au twelve days as I didn't need our want tune away from my baby at that stage; at twelve months I'd have loved my mother to death for such a reprieve.

FightOrFlight · 14/01/2015 22:51
  • breastfed
Ouchbloodyouch · 14/01/2015 22:54

Honey please share the immac story. I have vague memories of it. .

Honeydragon · 14/01/2015 22:55

Judge away it's honestly fine.

To this day I have no idea how it happened. The previous day I had used that in shower stuff.

Next day I was in the shower after having got ds ready for school who was downstairs watching TV brushing up on his Latin.

Dd was awake and grumbly so I put her in her bouncy chair on the bath room floor. I got dressed. I put a outside suit and a hat on dd chucked her in the pram, and took ds to school.

Came home, sat on the floor undressed her took of her hat. White blob on her hair. Initial thought

WTF SHE HAS CHEWING GUM IN HER HAIR!

Touched it realised it was cream.

On smelling it, immediately realised it was Immac. Shit myself was ready to dial 999 for chemical burns. Wiped it off with water, her skin was fine. Apart for the bald patch. Cried with relief then panicked some more.

I got away with right up till the point dh wanted to know why she was wearing a hat indoors at 7:30pm.

TheBlessedCheesemaker · 14/01/2015 22:55

I think I got a mumsnet medal once for cleaning the shit off my chicken's eggs and then sticking the random feathers back on to impress people... but that is many leagues away from immacing your child.

We truly are not worthy.

Gileswithachainsaw · 14/01/2015 22:56

Ineed sadly not Grin

But I had very little milk and gave up bf pretty quickly.

so no fun and games with multi direction sprinklers to report sadly Grin

Honeydragon · 14/01/2015 22:57

It's bad enough for going in unexpected directions without extra holes.

Summerisle1 · 14/01/2015 23:00

I very nearly thought I could compete with honeydragon since ds2 was born 12 days before Christmas. After an easy birth and 48 hours in hospital (this was a long time ago) spent reading a good book and eating chocolates while ds2 happily fed and slept, we came home.

Whereupon, at the grand age of 14 days, I left ds2 with his father while I went off to:

(a) get the last minute Christmas shopping
(c) get my hair cut
(d) visit office for mince pies

I did not manage to Imma him so now feel something of a failure in the Devoted Mother Competition.

Honeydragon · 14/01/2015 23:03

The important thing is you fucked off leaving said child with a total random man, aka the father, and went of galavanting.