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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To judge this?

192 replies

youlookbeautifultonight · 14/01/2015 20:56

A friend has just told me that last weekend her Dm took her then 12 day old baby to the coast for the weekend in a touring caravan without her. I know it is non of my business really but I am just a bit shocked that anyone would want there new baby away from them in a cold damp caravan in January, it must have been freezing ConfusedShock.

OP posts:
Ineedanewone · 14/01/2015 23:29

Agreed!

FightOrFlight · 14/01/2015 23:29

< running out of famous race commentators now >

softlysoftly makes a bid for front-running with an impressive reenactment of Horse of the Year Show starring 3MonthOldDDandBouncyChair. The competition in this race is truly astounding. I haven't seen this sort of class entry in a race since my son's Sports Day in 1989.

Honeydragon · 14/01/2015 23:30

Wuss Grin

I'm sure the grandma had a plentiful supply of canines to keep the baby warm Stealth Wink

CeliaLytton · 14/01/2015 23:38

Martyr mummies, very entertaining.

'I would rather die than leave my baby.'

Therefore leaving them for all eternity rather than a few hours. Yup, can't say that's not perfectly reasonable and rational.

CeliaLytton · 14/01/2015 23:39

YABU (sorry, got distracted, missed the point Blush )

BitOutOfPractice · 14/01/2015 23:43

I wouldn't judge but I would be surprised. At the age of the baby being away from its mother, rather than the caravan

TheBlessedCheesemaker · 14/01/2015 23:50

Are static caravans the ones that give you electric shocks if you touch them when wearing crap shoes?

FightOrFlight · 15/01/2015 00:05

^ and make your hair stand on end like Limahl from Kajagoogoo

Birdsgottafly · 15/01/2015 00:55

""I'm sure the grandma had a plentiful supply of canines to keep the baby warm Stealth""

I've told my DD that if the baby won't settle in her Moses basket and needs to snuggle with someone, she can go in with my very warm, fluffy German Shepherd.

Lots of people have supposedly been raised successfully by Wolves and have gone on to lead Empires.

PunkrockerGirl · 15/01/2015 06:24

I had terrible pnd and would have paid good money for anyone his grandparents to take ds away for a few weeks weekend.
We're as close as can be now so the lack of early bonding made not the slightest difference.

I wouldn't take a very small baby anywhere near a hospital either, unless they're the patient obviously. Terrible infection-ridden places (and I'm a nurse). I would judge anyone who took a small baby to an adult ward of a hospital.

mytimewillcome · 15/01/2015 06:41

Yanbu. I would never leave my 12 day old baby. This is like the granny sleepover thread.

firesidechat · 15/01/2015 07:01

Who are all these people with toasty warm caravans. We have one that is quite new and it would be very hard to keep it consistently warm. We go early and late in the season and it can be freezing, especially at night when the temperature plummets.

Can't imagine ever leaving my 12 day old baby and I wasn't a smother mother by any means.

CPtart · 15/01/2015 07:03

I wish someone would have taken my DC for a few days to give us some respite at 10 days. 10 years on and I'm still waiting.
Good luck to her.

firesidechat · 15/01/2015 07:05

Just read the whole thread and realised that I will now be seen as nasty, judgemental poster with no understanding of the stresses of having a new baby. I didn't mean it like that, honest.

EveDallasRetd · 15/01/2015 07:27

Add message | Report | Message poster Vvvoom Wed 14-Jan-15 21:43:51
It's odd that people are saying the baby wouldn't know who is looking after it - it's well known that babies bond with their primary carer in the first days and weeks

I had to leave my 3 day old baby in hospital from 9pm to 9am every night for a month. I only saw her and held for an hour every 4 daytime hours during that month. The nursing staff were her Primary Care Givers.

Do I fucking win now?

(Mind you, she was that bastard hairy when she was born I could have done with some Immac - she moulted like a Husky in the desert)

SolomanDaisy · 15/01/2015 08:33

Martyr mummies for not wanting to leave a 12 day old baby for a weekend? Oh please. I think it's unusual to want more than a few hours break at that age. You're still full of hormones and shock. It's hardly martyrdom to focus on your new born for less than two weeks.

Gileswithachainsaw · 15/01/2015 09:21

I think it's unusual to want more than a few hours break at that age

I think it's unusual to not be able to grasp that some women may really not be in a fit state. either through pregnancy complications or a c section or sheer exhaustion through long labours or extended hospital stays.

There shouldn't be an age limit on accepting help of its offered. exhaustion can reach a point where you become a danger to your child and yo yourself.

who on earth would judge a mother In desperate need for leaving a baby with someone who is perfectly capable of caring for and loving a baby whilst In their care.

The martyrdom comment comes from. people unwilling to even let partners take care of their own children in order to spend any time recovering at all.

It's martyrdom to risk dying from.sepsis rather than leave your baby

and risking your child's life in a cess pit hospital rather than let someone take care of the baby is just plain stupid.

Gileswithachainsaw · 15/01/2015 09:26

If 48 hours can keep some one off anti depressants or let them. eat a decent meal or stop them crashing a car falling asleep at the wheel or give them.a few hours of not feeling like a skank as they haven't showered in days, then take it. take it with both hands and stop rotting in your house afraid to go out cos you look and feel like crap.

SolomanDaisy · 15/01/2015 09:29

No, I absolutely understand that some women are completely exhausted or can't cope for whatever reason. But I think the kind thing to do is to help by caring for the baby in a location where the mother still has access to her child and can see them whenever she feels up to it. Not to take them away to a caravan for a full weekend. I'm not judging women needing a break at all, I just think with such a young baby it would be unusual to feel that you didn't want to see them for a whole weekend. I remember feeling a sort of confusion after being away from DS for a few hours when he was young.

Gileswithachainsaw · 15/01/2015 09:32

But you dont rest properly then.

You instinctively sleep with one eye and one ear open. you can't help but watch others and think. You'd do that differently.

taking the baby out the house may seem pretty hard core but it's the only way sometimes.

If the baby is there with you then you won't sleep or switch off

mytimewillcome · 15/01/2015 09:34

Us 'martyr' mummies are judging on the information given in the op. There is no mention of pnd or that the mother was struggling. If that had been mentioned then it would have garnered different comments. However why take the 12 day old baby away in a caravan? Why not just keep the baby in her own house? We don't have enough info really.

SolomanDaisy · 15/01/2015 09:36

I wasn't even particularly thinking of the baby being in the house. Just that being round the corner with a relative, where you know you can see the baby if you need to, is different to the baby being far away. I had to take my baby to the hospital/cess pit a lot though, so what do I know.

Murphy29 · 15/01/2015 09:37

EveDallas - I was on to post the same thing although we were only 16 days not a month so I can't win Hmm nice to know I missed out on bonding, DS was really inconsiderate to make an early arrival.

Although Iet's face it, I was never in the running for winning 'I stayed with my baby the longest' as he was left with DM for a couple of hours a few days after getting home so I could get my hair done and has had 3 overnights with DM or PIL at 3mo to let DH and I go out/sleep!

OP YABveryU

Gileswithachainsaw · 15/01/2015 09:43

Even of there was nothing wrong I still think. The friend did nothing wrong.

too many people on mn seem to think. Your not a proper mother if your not Co sleeping and bf every five mins and never sleeping seems to be worn like some badge of honor.

It's ok to look after yourself. It's ok to have a wide circle of family who regularly chip in and help to raise these happy loved cherished babies.

how lucky the friend is to have such a lovely mum and one she can undoubtedly trust to look after her tiny baby.

how lucky she is to have the option to pas baby on to loving family and be able to have time to feel like a human again.

I don't feel sorry for the baby at all. I think a baby who gets to see and spend time with family like that from. day one is incredibly lucky.

It's lovely.

caitlinohara · 15/01/2015 09:43

I haven't read the whole thread, but - YANBU, I would feel the same. It's one thing to need a bit of help at that stage, and another altogether for the baby to actually be taken away on a holiday by someone else (in a caravan or anywhere else)! I wouldn't say anything about it though, it's really up to your friend.

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