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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To judge this?

192 replies

youlookbeautifultonight · 14/01/2015 20:56

A friend has just told me that last weekend her Dm took her then 12 day old baby to the coast for the weekend in a touring caravan without her. I know it is non of my business really but I am just a bit shocked that anyone would want there new baby away from them in a cold damp caravan in January, it must have been freezing ConfusedShock.

OP posts:
BastardGoDarkly · 14/01/2015 21:48

Did the 'friend' tell you why her parents took the baby for the weekend op?

Regardless,I think YABU judging caravans and new mothers.

SolomanDaisy · 14/01/2015 21:49

I'm surprised that anyone would feel able to be away from their twelve day old for that long. I would assume she had lasting baby blues or the start of PND, but I really don't think that's a good way to help.

Fairenuff · 14/01/2015 21:51

What do you mean, you judged your friend and found her to be lacking in what you perceive to be sufficient care for her baby?

TheBlessedCheesemaker · 14/01/2015 21:51

Wow. I'm trying to imagine how much better I would have coped if someone I trusted had given me a 48 hour window in those first few weeks to enable me to sleep, recover and recharge.

I will remember this thread and will offer to do the same for my children when they have kids.

Gileswithachainsaw · 14/01/2015 21:51

or just had a really rough time? long painful births, stitches, partner gone back to work and she just needed a bath and a hot meal?

WorraLiberty · 14/01/2015 21:53

I wonder if the OP intends to come back or if she just felt the need to bitch plop this judgement of her 'friend'?

FightOrFlight · 14/01/2015 21:59

or if she just felt the need to bitch plop this judgement of her 'friend'?

Bitch plop! Grin That really did make me laugh!

Caravans aren't generally cold and damp, they are much easier to keep dry and warm than a lot of houses.

Is the issue the caravan or taking the baby away for the weekend? For example if she rented a luxury holiday cottage would you still be hoiking your judgeypants up to your hairline?

Gileswithachainsaw · 14/01/2015 22:03

Wow. I'm trying to imagine how much better I would have coped if someone I trusted had given me a 48 hour window in those first few weeks to enable me to sleep, recover and recharge

Agreed.

I was exhausted when dd1 was born. In and out if hospital. lots of poking and prodding. back pain and sod. I hadn't slept in weeks. couple that with the two night stay in hospital getting zero frickin sleep and a dp who had used alot of his leave whilst I was on bed rest due to complications and anaemia a day or two at home alone to just sleep would have been amazing.

Instead ir was straight back. to life and it took me months to actually physically recover (stop feeling the pain from sod etc)

Gileswithachainsaw · 14/01/2015 22:03

sod? spdBlush

Gileswithachainsaw · 14/01/2015 22:04

And DD2 not dd1.

kbbeanie · 14/01/2015 22:12

I would judge as well a 12 day old baby being away from its mother for a weekend ! I wouldnt have left my son for a few hours at 12 days old ! Its important to bond in those first few weeks. I know circumstances can arise which means a mother and child would be apart but imo these are extreme and unlikely.

When my son was around 3 weeks old i was sent back to hospital with a bad womb infection. They said they would have to admit me i refused to be admitted unless they gave me a side ward and i was allowed my baby with me ! I was admitted to a side room on postnatal with my son ! No way could i ever have left him. First time i ever left him was for a week long hospital stay when he was 18 months. I was seriously ill and it still broke my heart having to leave him ! So i would say YANBU to judge that ! X

Ouchbloodyouch · 14/01/2015 22:15

One of the mums in my postnatal group spent 4 days in hospital when her baby was a week old as she had an infection..
I was actually jealous of her Blush
Oh and and YABU (but only if you haven't been eating too many Biscuit)

Gileswithachainsaw · 14/01/2015 22:20

So you would rather have died of sepsis and left your ds motherless forever than spend a night or two in hospital getting treated and leave him with a trusted care giver?

I'd judge that more tbh. and not as heroic

WorraLiberty · 14/01/2015 22:20

They said they would have to admit me i refused to be admitted unless they gave me a side ward and i was allowed my baby with me!

Bravo

Now, what if they were unable to provide that facility for you and your baby?

Would you have martyred yourself and died instead?

The OP has given absolutely no indication of why the parents made this decision for their baby, and even if she did, how could she truly know?

It's 2 night bloody nights for goodness sake.

Honeydragon · 14/01/2015 22:21

Giles

Are you inferring that giving birth is not a breezy brief process after which one cares fabulously for the baby, whilst regrouting the bathroom for visiting family, looking amazing and taking up lentil weavery?

Are you suggesting

The ops friend might need a bit of rest and support?

Do you not know which forum you are on at all?

WorraLiberty · 14/01/2015 22:21

X post with Giles

Gileswithachainsaw · 14/01/2015 22:22

Grin I know honey

Honeydragon · 14/01/2015 22:25

That's better.

Blackout234 · 14/01/2015 22:26

YABU. my older sister left her son with me when he was 10 days old, I had him overnight for her to rest. Yes you want to spend 24 hours a day with your soft squishy newborn but they're hard work and i really don't see the issue with having a break. Honestly, why do you give a shit?

FightOrFlight · 14/01/2015 22:26

Let the "I'm The Most Devoted Mother" competition begin!

So far kbbeanie is in the lead but I'm sure we will have more contenders soon.

My PND kicked in so early I'd have been happy for my Mum to take my son away for a month. I guess I'm not likely to figure on the medal table Sad

Tinks42 · 14/01/2015 22:28

Err, miss judgy pants, each to their own and so what? She didnt send her baby off with a stranger, the baby went with granny, good for her.

sarascompact · 14/01/2015 22:28

I'm sure it was a sod too Giles. Grin

OP YABU,

Hurr1cane · 14/01/2015 22:29

Meh. I've looked after tiny little babies for friends who are single mums and just needed to sleep. I get cuddles for a while and get to hand them back (don't want anymore children) and they get a lovely healthy rested mother.

Gileswithachainsaw · 14/01/2015 22:30

kb in fact I'd say it was incredibly selfish and stupid.

not only are hospitals unsafe for babies due to infection so they shouldn't be there unless They are the patient, if you weren't able to fully take Care of your baby the staff team. became responsible for doing so on a floor that possible my has no facilities for babies and staff trained in adult nursing etc and you could have taken a room away from a child or someone who really needed it when you could have been on the ward

GretnaGreen · 14/01/2015 22:33

This sort of stuff is exactly why exhausted mothers who desperately need a break feel unable to ask for one or take advantage of one when offered Angry