To remove/not remove my child's fingers

[24digits]

My DS was born earlier this year. He's absolutely perfect and is a healthy, happy little baby. He was born with an extra digit on each hand and foot so has 12 fingers and 12 toes. His fingers are perfectly formed with joints and nails. His toes, although they look a little more unusual, are also perfectly formed but do make his feet wider.

Upon leaving hospital we were given follow up appointments with a plastic surgeon to discuss our future options, except when we got there it seemed less like a question and answer session, but more like a discussion on when we will surgically remove DS's extra digits. We left, making it clear we hadn't yet made a decision, but we're told that it was better for DS to have any operation before age 2.

DH and I are completely torn on whether we put our perfectly healthy little boy through two painful operations to remove extra digits. Please can you give me your most honest, unvarnished opinions on what you would do because I really need to feel like we have considered everything before we make a decision.

At the moment we are considering letting DS have the operation to remove his toes so that he will be able to wear shoes, but everyone seems to be certain that my DS will be bullied if his extra fingers aren't removed. Am I subjecting my DS to a life of bullying if we don't go ahead with the operation?

I would have both fingers and toes removed without a shadow of a doubt.

What is to be gained by not? I would have thought that doctors will prescribe any and all painkillers needed, so although he may have some discomfort it won't be out and out pain.

OP, if they are fully functioning digits, I would say do not remove them.

Although it had no bearing for you here, six fingers are a mark of the Gods in my mother's traditional culture. They are a sign of greatness, that a child has been sent into this world to commune between the divine and the profane.

Realistically, even if you remove these extra fingers and toes, your child could be horrendously bullied for other reasons. Children are bullied for being too quiet, too sporty, too geeky, for having the wrong hair colour or wearing the wrong shoes or using "non-cool" language or wanting to play different kinds of games to other children.

All of this is part of so many children's experiences, regardless of how conventionally physically perfect they are. And all of it hurts the same way.

But as an adult, how might your son feel about his extra digits? I work and live within a sphere where such a thing would be seen as pretty wonderful.

And, you know, maybe six fingers is the evolutionary leap forward. I can fully see that. Maybe it is the way humans are supposed to go. And your DS is there early.

If they are fully functioning, think of the possibilities. Everything is going digital: keyboards, manual manipulation of screens. Think of the speed your DS could have ...

I tell you, in 40 years, people will be having surgery to add extra fingers to their hands!

Having seen the photo it looks as if all that would be achieved in removing the fingers is to leave hands which are missing pinkies.

There are examples where the extra digit isn't a true finger but it doesn't seem to be the case here.

Unvarnished opinion....I don't know for certain what I would do.
But I might be inclined to leave him alone. The extra digits will not hamper or disable him in any way (would they?). If they were, I would suggest differently. I can also quite see your point about your little boy in plaster, etc.

Other thoughts:

• All surgery carries risk.
• My feeling is that surgeons are most likely to advocate surgery.

Is there anyone else you can speak to - a general physician, a paediatrician, or someone who can give a different but professional perspective?

• could your son choose to have surgery himself when older? How would the surgery differ?

I suppose I'm thinking that more information might help you decide.

Well I didn't RTFT, but that lovely picture makes me more sure that I would let him alone....

I haven't read through the whole thread but I thought that photo was lovely. I feel for your dilemma. Maybe I'm underestimating the impact of bullying but I think I would need a more compelling argument than this alone to remove 2 functioning fingers. Toes I can understand if it might impact shoes and their comfort. Good luck either way.

My son has a extra pinky finger on his right hand, I have had a couple very rude family members telling me I should remove it. one even said its horrible,

I have decided to leave his finger until he is old enough to decide for him self,

I would advise you to keep them, but it is up to you. My son is 3 and loves his superhero finger as he calls it. his finger is fully formed and usuable. other kids seem to love it once he shows them, if he doesn't show they don't know . x

Your photo is adorable! It doesn't look unusual, I doubt anyone would really notice at this stage.
It's a tough decision, it all looks like its meant to be that way if you know what I mean, which finger would they take away? As the end one is his pinky and doesn't look out of place.
All the best for whatever decision you make OP. I can't say what id do as I just don't know...

What a beautiful hand. And what a hard decision.

After seeing his hand I would keep the fingers.

As far as the toes are concerned I would probably leave them as well. Would it be possible to buy wide fitting shoes they seem to be readily available at least in adult sizes.

Found a link here where the second comment is from someone who says they just buy wide fitting shoes

www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/comments/2mgnda/our_child_was_born_with_12_fingers_and_12_toes/

I hadn't thought about the issue of balance if a toe is removed. If removing the sixth toe would cause this sort of problem - and perhaps it would it it is a real, fully-funcitioning toe and not a nubbin - then I wouldn't do it.

There was a poster above suggesting getting more information about what is going on underneath the skin, and how they are likely to grow.

If all of the digits on each hand/foot would develop in the normal way, then I would be very tempted to keep all of them.

I tell you, in 40 years, people will be having surgery to add extra fingers to their hands!

Actually, there are 'extra fingers' devices in development at the moment. Although they're most likely to get funding as disability aids, they are not prosthetics - they're intended to work with fully-functional hands, for better grip and improved dexterity. The most often cited advantage is that you can hold & operate a mobile device with one hand.

Not even sci-fi

I don'tknow what you should do OP but can I just say to people who are saying do it now, he won't remember. He will go through the pain now, the fact that he won't remember it doesn't alter that. If these are fully functioning fingers this isn't just superficial we are talking about removing bones.

I think its a bit gung ho to just say pain doesn't matter with a baby, they have feelings and they don't even understand what is going on or why which to me makes it worse. Imagine if some giant took you along to their hospital and removed parts of your body without explaining what they are doing or why.

I am not saying this means you shouldn't have it done, one of my children had surgery as a toddler and I know how hard it is to do something that you feel is necessary but is going to hurt your little one.

I think he hands are beautiful and as to problems with shoes, well I used to pay for made to measure shoes for one of my children as he had very wide feet but he only had five toes and yet someone put a link on to someone with six toes who said he just wore wide fitting shoes so I don't think it just depends on how many toes you have.

Beautiful picture of your ds's sweet hand, and beautiful posts on this thread from people celebrating difference and raising their dc to accept difference.

As for the 'hell at school' comments, there are some nasty children at school (who come from homes with nasty parents) but there are also some lovely children who are obviously parented by the type of lovely parents who have posted here. All any of us can do as we navigate this world is appreciate the good people around us - you can't go around making decisions based on the nasty bullies out there.

As for the 'it will take ages to buy shoes' we are so lucky to live in the first world where we only have to worry about how long it will take to buy suitable shoes.

I would not remove the extra fingers or toes. His little hand is so beautiful! The extra digits don't mean he is disabled, deformed, or abnormal. If anything, he's super-normal, his extra digits mean he is exceptionally dextrous.

Bullies bully. I don't think extra fully-functioning digits would be a target for bullies any more than any other distinctive feature.

Six fingers and toes could be the next step in human evolution. The pictures on this thread are fascinating.

Congratulations on your beautiful son OP!

He has a beautiful, if unusual hand.
I wouldn't take his fingers off either.
I don't know about the toes - having seen that young man who had the botch job done on his feet, his feet were very narrow anyway and they did indeed look odd without the last toe - if your DS's are similar, then I'd keep the toes too.

Some people only have 5 toes and still have super-wide feet - I was at school with a girl whose feet were H+ fitting, they couldn't buy usual shoes for her, and even when they did find some, her Dad often had to put blocks in them to stretch them.

If he needs his 6th toe for balancing, then keep them. But either way, I'd wait until he's old enough for x-ray to see what's going on with the bones etc.

I will knit some gloves for him if that is an issue. It would be very straightforward!

I would have them removed without a moment's hesitation. It's very difficult to hide a hand injury or deformity.

Except, TheCraicDealer, the OP's son doesn't have a hand injury or deformity.

Awww... having seen the photo (can't see it on ipad or mobile), I take back what I suggested and won't have it done, particularly because there's a joint, a nail and by all purposes it would be a functioning digit.

My friends who removed their son's one - it was like a 'nub' (for want of a better word) and they felt it was just 'extra flesh/skin' that would not function. I suppose because the father is a consultant and has presumably read up on all the pros and cons of such surgery - decided to get it done.

I think as he grows, if you see that it is a perfectly functioning digit (ie, as useful as any of the other fingers) then I really wouldn't get it removed at all.

The difficult thing about this is that you're having to make the decision for him. The perfect solution would be to leave it till he's old enough to make up his own mind, but you can't do that without making the surgery option more painful and difficult.

So you have to guess what he would want. Which is impossible.

I'd have them removed, because I think there is a greater probability of him blaming you for not having them removed than of him being cross with you for leaving them.

Sorry, I should have RTFT

I would leave them for a while. Get x-rays and more advice. My decision on his feet would depend on if the toes would affect his walking. If the fingers are fully functional with the correct bones and tendons then I would leave them.

There is no way I would even consider removal, looking at the picture of his very beautiful, perfectly proportioned little hand I cannot help but think it would look odder without the little finger, it certainly does not look at all strange with it :)

Please leave his lovely hands as they are. I actually think it would look more "different" if you removed the little finger as the hand is perfectly balanced as it is.

Plus I think it super cool!

Seen the picture and feel more strongly that you shouldn't take the fingers off!

A very, very long time ago, I was watching a documentary about Great Ormond Street, which featured a little boy having reconstructive surgery on a hand to turn a finger into a thumb. The little boy was understandably worried than having 3 fingers and a thumb would be just as noticeable as 4 fingers and no thumb. The surgeon asked him how many fingers various cartoon characters had, including Mickey Mouse. The little boy confidently said, four fingers! (as did I at home) and then the surgeon produced close-up pictures of their hands. Turns out Mickey has three fingers and a thumb. The surgeon explained that people look at the shape of hands. If the thumb is there, they don't count the fingers.

Every since then, I've had a minor hobby of looking at paintings, cartoons, soft toys, etc, to see if my initial first impressions of four fingers and one thumb are correct. I still never notice 'missing' fingers without counting.

So, I wouldn't automatically assume extra fingers will be easily noticed, either, if the shape seems right and all the fingers are functional.