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Original poster

To remove/not remove my child's fingers

573 replies

24digits · 13/01/2015 22:41

My DS was born earlier this year. He's absolutely perfect and is a healthy, happy little baby. He was born with an extra digit on each hand and foot so has 12 fingers and 12 toes. His fingers are perfectly formed with joints and nails. His toes, although they look a little more unusual, are also perfectly formed but do make his feet wider.

Upon leaving hospital we were given follow up appointments with a plastic surgeon to discuss our future options, except when we got there it seemed less like a question and answer session, but more like a discussion on when we will surgically remove DS's extra digits. We left, making it clear we hadn't yet made a decision, but we're told that it was better for DS to have any operation before age 2.

DH and I are completely torn on whether we put our perfectly healthy little boy through two painful operations to remove extra digits. Please can you give me your most honest, unvarnished opinions on what you would do because I really need to feel like we have considered everything before we make a decision.

At the moment we are considering letting DS have the operation to remove his toes so that he will be able to wear shoes, but everyone seems to be certain that my DS will be bullied if his extra fingers aren't removed. Am I subjecting my DS to a life of bullying if we don't go ahead with the operation?

OP posts:
BlueBrightBlue · 14/01/2015 20:43

I agree it was a botch job, but having 6 perfectly functioning digits is hard to rectify ( should I say alter).

JustWantToBeDorisAgain · 14/01/2015 20:43

I think I would do it,

A pop poster pointer out the gloves issues by not doing it you may rule out a host of career options where gloves are part of ppe. Nursing medicine fireman etc

I would do it on those grounds rather than the bullying potential.

Edgarallan · 14/01/2015 20:43

The picture of his hand is just beautiful!
I had to look for ages as my brain saw 5 fingers, I couldn't do that to his hand if he were my boy do agree with other posters regarding feet. Good luck xx

MaidOfStars · 14/01/2015 20:43

Had a chat with DH about this over tea.. His response, 'well, he'll be good at rugby'

Same here, except basketball.

bumbleymummy · 14/01/2015 20:45

DH said guitar!

Nicknacky · 14/01/2015 20:46

Crucru You might think it amazing but you aren't the one to live with it.

And to all that are saying his hand looks lovely and not to change it, (I agree it does, babies hands are beautiful) aren't you doing exactly what you are saying those of us who choose to operate are doing? Basing your opinions on appearance?

It's not a decision that can be based on a photograph. That's why there is appointments with surgeons, scans, X-rays etc. And an informed decision then made.

UterusUterusGhali · 14/01/2015 20:47

I would honestly keep them.

  1. they're a functioning body part.

  2. I'd never put a child through a GA. I know it's safe but I know the risks. I speak as someone theatre trained. I haven't put my DS through an op for this reason.

  3. I'm not sure it's that noticeable. I never noticed Jeremy Beale had a different hand or Ceri Cbeebies had her lower arm absent. :/

Good luck with whatever you decide.

RandomMess · 14/01/2015 20:50

I would get his toes removed just for the practical issues. I have very unusual shaped feet making it very difficult to find shoes that fit etc. I had bone spurs removed off my feet as a teen which made it a whole lot easier - cannot imagine it being even more difficult to buy shoes than it is already!!!

Fingers I'd wait and see, if he was very troubled by them as an older child you could still have them removed if need be.

ScrummyPup · 14/01/2015 20:53

Aww, OP, what a cute baby hand. I also would have said remove from the thread title, but that's a perfect little hand.

Have skim read thread. Do you have to remove now? Maybe wait and ask him? I think if the extra digits looked 'different' and something he would be bullied about, then I would be tempted to remove - in theory, though I can't even throw away baby-teeth, so I understand your dilemma Flowers. You kind of need a handle on his personality too and how he would cope with an extra finger - is he likely to be sensitive or bullish, give your own personalities?

MaidOfStars · 14/01/2015 20:53

you may rule out a host of career options where gloves are part of ppe. Nursing medicine fireman etc

I am utterly certain that it is possible to make latex gloves for people with 6 fingers...employers will be obliged to make it happen.

PhaedraIsMyName · 14/01/2015 20:54

poster pointer out the gloves issues by not doing it you may rule out a host of career options where gloves are part of ppe. Nursing medicine fireman etc

Given that employers have to make reasonable adaptations for disabled employees I doubt very much this could not be accommodated; or that it would be legal to refuse to do so.

I don't think it would be difficult at all to get a glove - maker to customise a fire- man's gloves.

So far as medical related things whilst these are mass manufactured I'm sure it could be dealt with. Possibly except for conducting surgery you'd just put 2 hand fingers in 1 glove finger.

UterusUterusGhali · 14/01/2015 20:57

I find the "kids are cruel; remove them" comments to be really sad.

We should be making sure our children are kind, not encouraging surgery on a baby to make him more aesthetically acceptable to poorly-raised children.

If we all lived by that rationale, well, it doesn't bear thinking about.

MummyIsMagic79 · 14/01/2015 21:01

What a beautiful little hand! SmileSmileSmile
Leave it as it is, I think xx

Poofus · 14/01/2015 21:02

I don't think I could contemplate having any of those beautiful, perfect, FUNCTIONING little fingers removed. Or toes.

As others have pointed out, the remaining fingers will still look different as the 5th finger will not look like other people's little fingers. And of course there are serious risks with the operation, and pain and discomfort in healing from it even if it goes well.

Mostly I don't feel it would be my choice to make. The fingers and toes are the child's own, and I couldn't choose to have them removed on his behalf. I mean, yes, if they were causing physical pain or were damaging his health, I would have to make that decision as his parent - but this way you will be choosing to cause pain for what is, ultimately, a cosmetic reason. And not even a very significant cosmetic reason, really, as his hand is beautiful as it is. Individual, personal to him, and beautiful.

Full disclosure: like a poster above, I also have a clubbed thumb. It's not beautiful, not at all, and it's a bit of a nuisance. Nonetheless, I would be very upset now as an adult if my parents had had it stretched when I was a baby, just because they thought it should look different. I wouldn't feel that they had the right to do that to a part of me without my consent, and I think I would feel that they had not accepted me as I am.

PhaedraIsMyName · 14/01/2015 21:02

aren't you doing exactly what you are saying those of us who choose to operate are doing? Basing your opinions on appearance?

Yes I am. I changed my mind when I saw the photos.

I am actually really shallow and judgemental (and I'm not being sarcastic or ironic, I really am) and I do judge by appearance.

From the photographs and also the photographs of the Cuban man their hands look perfectly fine with 6 fingers. You don't even notice it unless you count. Their hands would look completely different with the pinkies removed. They would quite obviously be missing the little finger.

I think most of us assumed it was an extra pinky, but it isn't.

bumbleymummy · 14/01/2015 21:03

We should be making sure our children are kind, not encouraging surgery on a baby to make him more aesthetically acceptable to poorly-raised children.

Well said Uterus. Let's face it, children who want to tease others will find something to tease them about.

weaselsquirrel · 14/01/2015 21:03

Op his tiny hand is beautiful Smile If he were my child I would not remove his extra fingers or toes. I would research and contact other parents/people who have been through similar. Find out how they managed in regards to long term problems (feet). But if no issues then I would leave him as perfect as he was born. I hope you come to the right decision for your family.

howtodrainyourflagon · 14/01/2015 21:05

I was going to say that medical professionals would ask him throughout his life whether his parents were related. He needs to have this explained early so he can say no for himself and not be embarrassed. I have seen the beautiful picture of your son's hand. It's perfect. I didn't think I would say this before seeing the picture but I would keep him the way he is unless there is a medical reason for surgery. I think your ds has a gift. Plastic surgeons are very good at seeing deformity. They are perhaps less skilled at seeing diversity of features as something that may be an integral part of someone.

I hope you get some sleep 12wo is taxingSmile

CatCushion · 14/01/2015 21:07

ArcheryAnnie
First DC I asked:
A) 'That would be so cool!' (Clear envy) 'I'd not collude in bullying. If it were a really good friend and we had that kind of close friendship, there might be some light teasing, but only if it was ok.'

B)' So cool! Yeah, typing would be really fast, and sports would be easier. Might be hard to find wider shoes but I already have wide, shoet feet and we manage.'

Question C: So what if I told you you'd been born with them and we'd had them removed at birth? 'That would be fine, it would be for the right reasons.'

Second DC I asked:

A) Hm I wouldn't bully or tease or collude now, but at any age? Not for the last few years, not since that bad bullying (aged 9) I might have joined in with teasing when I was younger though, I just didn't understand that there was anything wrong with it then.

B) I'm not sure...I could play the piano and (other instruments) so much better! And typing would be faster, and I'd have a stronger grip (for sports) and could catch and field better! ...Gloves and shoes could be a problem, but we can always make gloves, or buy cheap ones and sew an extra finger on...But it would be just one more thing to contend with and explain to people.'

C) I wouldn't mind.

eatyouwithaspoon · 14/01/2015 21:10

My dc had something different that could be corrected by surgery. They were never bullied but were asked about it occasionally by other children who were curious. At 5 they asked about it and why theywere different and could it be changed so we requested the surgery, I told my dc it would hurt a lot but they wanted it done It was painful and distressing but they were happy with the result. Right or wrong they just wanted to be the same as their friends. Had the issue been apparent at birth I would have had it fixed then tbh

CatCushion · 14/01/2015 21:14

Oh, also DC2 said that the operation would need to be as early as possible, before therecwas any memory of it, if it were going to happen. Memory of it would be traumatic, she thought (first DC I asked disagreed). She also said though that she'd only want non functioning or oddly positioned digits removed, not fully functioning ones aligned with the rest.

Original poster
24digits · 14/01/2015 21:16

Hi, sorry I haven't been back for a little while. Today has been an even more constant round of changing and washing. DS has worked his way through 4 complete outfit changes today. I haven't had a chance to read all of the latest comments for that reason but will do later.

One thing I did notice is that gloves are coming up as a recurring theme, can I just point you in the direction of this advert which made me cry. It made me so angry to see a company insult my son. Amazon won't respond to my calls to get the page removed.

www.amazon.co.uk/BBTradesales-6FINGERGLOVES-Bbtradesales-Finger-Gloves/dp/B005GK7M8C

OP posts:
PhaedraIsMyName · 14/01/2015 21:25

That advert is really horrible although if it's of any comfort, it does demonstrate that getting 6 digit gloves is really not difficult.

The gloves thing is a complete non issue. There are millions of lovely knitters and craftspeople who will be able to supply you.

And for work related gloves it's the employer's responsibility anyway.

Flomple · 14/01/2015 21:29

I really don't think I could remove his fingers, if they are not causing problems.. Yes it'll make him a little different, but everyone's dfferent in some way. If you remove them he may feel he's been robbed of them.

The toes I'd be more inclined to remove to help him fit shoes. Once he is walking you will see how wide his feet are and whether he can fit mainstream shoes or not. At least then, when he asks why they were removed, you can give him a really good solid practical justification..

ArcheryAnnie · 14/01/2015 21:31

Oh, 24digits, I'm sorry.

(My son - who is rather envious of your son, it has to be said - brought up the subject of gloves, then ran through the options: knitting your own, or mitts, or fingerless gloves which just have a gap for all the fingers. When I asked about eg rubber gloves, he said just get a bigger size and stick two fingers in one.)