To remove/not remove my child's fingers

[24digits]

My DS was born earlier this year. He's absolutely perfect and is a healthy, happy little baby. He was born with an extra digit on each hand and foot so has 12 fingers and 12 toes. His fingers are perfectly formed with joints and nails. His toes, although they look a little more unusual, are also perfectly formed but do make his feet wider.

Upon leaving hospital we were given follow up appointments with a plastic surgeon to discuss our future options, except when we got there it seemed less like a question and answer session, but more like a discussion on when we will surgically remove DS's extra digits. We left, making it clear we hadn't yet made a decision, but we're told that it was better for DS to have any operation before age 2.

DH and I are completely torn on whether we put our perfectly healthy little boy through two painful operations to remove extra digits. Please can you give me your most honest, unvarnished opinions on what you would do because I really need to feel like we have considered everything before we make a decision.

At the moment we are considering letting DS have the operation to remove his toes so that he will be able to wear shoes, but everyone seems to be certain that my DS will be bullied if his extra fingers aren't removed. Am I subjecting my DS to a life of bullying if we don't go ahead with the operation?

my friend (who's a pianist) wrote a piece for her that could only be played by a twelve-fingered pianist. - That's wonderful! :)

Love BBB's video, as well.

I honestly think some posters are imagining the wrong thing - the 'problems' described don't make sense otherwise. There was Chinese baby with something like 31 digits in the news recently. Although his toes looked pretty OK, there were so many of them he'd never have found shoes to fit.

These pictures are of real people with polydactyly. The boy typing is Devindra Harne, 14, who says he can type faster than anyone else thanks to his extra fingers!

I think it would be more obvious if you remove, as the second to last finger doesn't look anything like a pinky IYSWIM. - I was thinking that too!

snow

surely there's no need to remove his feet!

Thanks to whoever linked the man with two penes - kept me occupied for hours, especially when the woman with two vaginas & uteri joined in his thread!

Aww, lovely little newborn hand! What would concern me the most is the possibility of an operation damaging his remaining digits. On that balance, I think I would have the extra toes removed but keep the fingers.

I am a bit shocked at this being called a disability, maybe he will grow up thinking we are disabled as we only have 5.

Dc are forever losing gloves, at least in school his gloves will be unique and easier to find.

I would keep them and then allow him to decide

His little hand is beautiful and perfect.

Hypothetical bullies do not get to dictate his life!

You also cannot predict what bullies will go for. DS1 would have been prime pickings at my school (unusual colouring, asthma, glasses, speech delay and ASD!) and he's really popular, no social issues. DS2 (conventionally attractive, happy and bright) has been a target from day 1. You just can't tell. I wouldn't change anything about anyone just to conform.

I think you need to find out if the extra digit would grow at the same rate and continue to be totally functional before making a decision. If I understood correctly an X-ray wouldn't tell you much atm presumably because they are mainly cartilage type bone until he is older.

I think his hand will look more "normal" (for what that's worth) if you leave it alone. Right now he has a pinky finger and the overall effect is hand-shaped; it'd take a while for a casual observer to notice the unusual number of fingers. If the pinky finger is removed then he'll have two ring fingers and no obvious pinky finger and it'll be more obviously "wrong" because the overall shape won't be the same.

That's assuming that all the fingers continue to grow normally and he has proper control over all of them, though.

I agree with NCIS and wouldn't be making a decision on the lack of information you have so far.

I wouldn't remove them for cosmetic reasons to prevent bullying or make it easier for shoes/gloves if they were fully functional and caused no issues. I especially wouldn't risk a GA procedure on a baby for those reasons.

I did a quick Google for celebrities with extra fingers/toes and for those saying it may affect his ability to play sport or musical instruments there were a few sports professionals and musicians that came up. Someone has already said that their doctor had 6 fingers on each hand so surgical gloves surely didn't prevent him.

Whatever you decide OP make sure it's right for your beautiful boy and don't be pressured into doing anything you don't want to.

I've been "different" all my life. NC as this is quite identifying.

I have a condition called asymmetrical brachydactyly type D more commonly called "clubbed thumb". It's not something that most people noticed, but I do recall one particular time when a boy in my class was sitting next to me on a bus and saw it and totally freaked out. Luckily by that time I was in my late teens, about 16 I think, and I'd been in school with him since I was 5 so I was more shocked that he hadn't noticed in all that time to worry that he was being mean and my indifference meant it wasn't an issue.

I also have extremely large breasts and crooked teeth. I could go into detail in PM if you would like but suffice it to say, I have since found out my differences also negatively affected my siblings, being forced to defend me from time to time.

My advice would be to get it corrected. While in an ideal world it won't matter, you don't know how it will develop as he grows (hoping for the best of course, but what if it doesn't?), you don't know what sort of personal issues he may have, and you don't know that this one thing may be the thing that breaks him.

I cannot see him being distraught that you removed them, he won't know any different. I can see him being distraught that you didn't remove them and the psychological damage that could occur from it and to me, as they are not a necessity, then getting them removed should not cause any problems later in life.

Rightly or wrongly, being "normal" or at least unremarkable, is what most kids strive for to survive adolescence. It's only as adults that we think of these things as not a problem and how we would have dealt with them.. or think we would have anyway.

The images I've seen of people with 6 functioning fingers ( as opposed to those with misshapen underdeveloped digits) look very normal, it's only when you count them that you see there is a difference.
The people I know were born with little jutting out pinkies, the rest of the hand was indistinguishable from that of a " normal" one.
I think surgery may disfigure him, did you see my video?

Op I am sorry to hear about the decision you have to make for your dc , I have not had chance to read the full thread but I will tell you about my eldest dd who was born with amniotic band syndrome which amputated most of 1 digit & deformed another as well as almost amputating one leg from the knee down .

She had 5 necessary ops before her 4th birthday ( mostly to prevent loss of deformed finger ) and although they were very traumatic for myself & Dp she was never in pain & took it all in her stride , the plastics department were amazing !!!

All was well in primary apart from the odd comment here and there which was easily dealt with but outside of school people who noticed would stare and point which was awful ,she got to the stage she would keep her hand with her sleeve pulled over it

High school was appalling !!
She was laughed at bullied & ended up very withdrawn , it took a lot of time & counselling to get her back to the confident girl she had once been , she hated being different & I have never known pain like seeing my lovely dd hurting like that .

We visited the plastics ( in another as county )department for many months when she was a teen , they tried to make a prosthesis for her finger but it wasn't functional and got in the way so she wouldn't wear it when it was finished which was another blow for her .

She is now 20 & although she is one of the strongest , most determined people I know I still wish there was something else we could have done as it has affected her confidence .

No one can say if your dc will be bullied or if his extra bits will bother him but it is always a possibility , and I know if there was something I could have done for my dd I would have done it in a heartbeat .

I would research as much as possible and make the decision that's best for you & your family .

I hope you can find lots of info to help you make the best decision for your dc , I know how hard it is at that age . Xx

I just asked my DSs(9 and 6) about it and showed them the photo to see their reactions.

First was "Awwwwww look how tiny."

Then they asked why he has 6 fingers. (Me: Some babies are born with extra fingers and toes)

Their answer? "Cool! I wish I had more fingers and toes!"

So there you go! Children's reactions may not be as bad as you think :)

Good luck with whatever you decide. He's obviously very loved.

I've changed my mind after looking at the picture. As long as they are fully functional and grow at the same rate, I'd leave them alone. I think they will look more odd without an obvious little finger. The shape of the hand will attract attention, perhaps more attention than a right shaped hand with an extra finger.

Feet definitely depends on whether you can get shoes to fit.

I cannot see him being distraught that you removed them, he won't know any different. I can see him being distraught that you didn't remove them and the psychological damage that could occur from it and to me, as they are not a necessity, then getting them removed should not cause any problems later in life.

Its this idea that troubles me, removing them now will cause no problems except for you and you will get over that and forget about it...in time...it will simply never be an issue...
But keeping them could leave to problems...it could...No dont bow to hypothetical bullies but just thinking about gorgeous young man I recently met in his teens, so lovely and yet still,....even with a good amount of confidence - feeling insecure about friends he thought were more attractive...As MyName says - you dont know what other things could crop up and this will be another added issue on top....

Bumbley thats so sweet I am sure Mine would say same, but it just takes one nasty comment to start a ball rolling and never let anyone forget..

I just showed DH and asked him if he would remove them and he said no - they look fine just the way they are. :) I agree that it might actually be more noticeable if they are removed.

I think I've changed my mind seeing the pictures. It's not the pinkies which are extra but one of the ring fingers. If the pinkies are removed it's possibly going to be far more noticeable.

I would go for the operation if it was me.

I was born with two club feet. I had multiple procedures as a baby and had to wear special boots at night to straighten my feet round. I was bullied at secondary school due to the way my feet looked (very loose skin after the procedures). I have grown up hating my feet, I cannot bear anyone looking at them or touching them. They are extra wide and not a normal shape so buying shoes is extremely difficult.

I would definitely do what I could to prevent my child bring bullied due to the appearance of their hands or feet, and I would hate to know that my child might have the same problems getting shoes to fit them (let alone nice shoes that fit!).

ummm seeing that vidoe of the boy whose digits were removed....it looks odd and on his feet he still has the area where it would have been so from that video looks pointless.

I remember about 30 years ago I was on the bus ( a rarity for me)There was an old man holding a walking stick. I wondered at his large hands and only then realised he had 6 fingers.
Yet... I worked in a store for several years before a very regular customer pointed out he had only half a hand. He had had an accident at work and lost several fingers.
My grandfather only had 2 fingers on one hand after taking safety gate off press machine.
I grew up in a farming community and missing fingers were the norm.
BTW by best mate has one hand.

I don't think that video is an accurate representation of the way the limb would look after surgery. The video was posted in 2008 and presumably he had the operations when he was a young child? And it was in a different country and it's fair to say it looks botched!

I think the operation will have improved tenfold since then.

Had a chat with DH about this over tea.. His response, 'well, he'll be good at rugby'

I would have thought it amazing if I knew someone who had extra toes and fingers. Keep them, his hand is lovely.