To tell my friend I don't want to look after her DC's anymore

[evmil]

I have a friend who has a full time job and quite unreliable childcare (she has aupairs but has quite a high turnover of them). She has three boys, one the same age as my DS(4) and two school age (7 and 10) and when her normal childcare falls through she asks me. Her aupair left just after christmas so since the start of term i have had her kids before school and after school Monday thru to Friday.

I looked after her kids for her yesterday as she said she needed to catch up on work. They were supposed to be here from 9 until 12ish but didn't leave until quarter past 7 last night. I was annoyed as I was supposed to be taking DSS3 somewhere but couldn't and he had to get a cab in the end and was late (DH is away so couldn't take him - i did tell her this).

Anyway, i got a text last night at about half 8 from said friend telling me she wasn't happy. I had apparently filled her kids up with junk food (we make milkshakes and biscuits and they got to try some and i sent some home with them), hadn't given them a proper dinner, they had jacket potatoes, which meant they were going to bed hungry, and I had let them play with the nerf guns and they had a go on the x-box (none of which she was happy with). She finished the text with 'i thought i could trust you to look after my boys'

I was really upset but just replied with 'perhaps it is best then if you get someone else to look after them', she didn't reply but i assumed this meant i wouldn't be having her kid anymore, but at quarter past 7 this morning she turned up at my house with them and said I'm not happy about yesterday but I am willing to give you another chance!! I didn't say anything as i didn't want to upset the boys but seriously!!

Like I said I enjoy having her kids and i know she is stuck for childcare but she doesn't pay me and i feel really under appreciated (i don't expect money, a thank you would be nice though!)

WIBU to tell her i don't want to look after her kids again because of her behaviour?

Well done! Serves her bloody right.

Come on OP, you, not your DSS need to tell your 'friend' clearly and explicitly that this arrangement is over.

When she turned up this morning with her "I'm giving you another chance" the correct response would have been "Well I'm not giving you another chance" and a firm shut of the door, I can understand you were taken aback and wrong footed by her breathtaking arrogance though. So, when she collects them tonight state clearly and firmly that you will not be looking after them again, and tell her not to bother turning up with tomorrow morning as the answer will still be "No" and you will not take them in. She's trying emotional blackmail by the children being there with nowhere to go, tough, her problem, don't give in.

Well done OP. Do update if she responds, I hope she realises how utterly rude she's been.

Good for you OP - but be prepared for her challenging your decision. Can you block her number?

Go OP!!!!

Good on you, evmil. Stick to your guns! Don't have them anymore. If she rocks up again just don't let her in, 'This doesn't work for me. You need to make other arrangements.'

woohoo - well done! can't wait to hear the response

Delighted for you op ! Don't back down now.

She doesn't pay you?! She can fuck off!

Haha I knew before I even opened the thread that the OP was not going to be unreasonable

I can not believe the audacity and cheek of some people it is seriously staggering

I bet she will be on the phone begging for a few more days....

Well done OP, now to await her reply, cheeky cow, bet she has a go at you not taking the kids, how could you not want to second chance to mind her darling's dc's

Well done, OP, now stand firm don't let her guilt trip you. It seems she is the reason for the high turnover of Au Pairs, probably has a fairly high turnover of friends too if this is the way she carries on.

Well done OP. Brilliant. Now let's see how she tries to weasel her way back into your good books...

You have been an abolute angel OP. And this woman is not your friend! What does she do for you in return for free childcare?

When I was a baby my aunt (mum's sister) looked after me every day so my mum could work. My aunt was a SAH parent. I was a very placid baby. In return, my mum often looked after my aunt's three children on weekends, took them on holiday with us (for a week or two), bought my aunt her first ever car, etc. Oh, and she has prepared and filed my aunt and uncle's (highly complicated) tax returns for 40+ years :-)

The childcare arrangement continued for several years. My mum has always been immensely grateful for the help. (And I am grateful too, I had a wonderful childhood.)

This woman is taking the piss. Do not worry about her not having childcare tomorrow. She will have to take time off work to look after her own children, shock horror.

Well done op

she'll give you another chance to look after her children for free?

hahahahahahahahaha!

I am glad you are telling her where to get off.

Good text. Wonder what she's going to say to that!

What a cheeky cow! ! You've done the right thing OP. I hope she's decent and doesn't drag it out/get nasty/try to guilt trip you etc.

I bet she turns up in the morning. That sort always do.

How bloody cheeky can someone be? OP, you are far nicer than I am. I wouldn't even had picked them up this afternoon.

Please let us know what she says.

You say, op, that she doesn't pay you for any of this childcare. Does she, at least, cover the cost of any drinks or food you give her children? Because if she doesn't, it will actually be costing you to look after her DCs.

Tbh, I wouldn't even expect my DM to look after three (hypothetical) DCs of mine under eleven for ten hours singlehanded. It is an extraordinary amount of work and responsibility to place on an individual, never mind one with young DCs at home as well.

Is there any reason why she thinks this arrangement is okay? You don't owe her anything, do you? She didn't, like, save your firstborn from a rampaging monster or something?

Well done Evmil! It's always nice to see people stick up for themselves. Good luck.

Good for you OP, and if she objects I really would state your case; perhaps if you were her employee and she had given you sufficient notice about the seven and a half hours extra childcare she might not be entirely unreasonable but given the situation she is rude, ungrateful and entitled. I have a friend a bit like this, I looked after her children for her on a number of occasions quite happily. She started taking advantage, like ringing me just before 3 to ask if I could pick her eldest up from school as her toddler was asleep/grumpy/having a late lunch, etc. I switched my phone off around pick up time after that! I also looked after them both a few days during the holidays, she was 2 hours late picking them up one day without letting me know and another day she neglected to tell me her youngest was being potty trained. 10 hours and 6 accidents later (one of which involved me having to put him in the shower it was so bad) I learned my lesson. I never got a thank you!

You must be firm tonight. She will pull the 'What will I do?' card. It is not your problem. Just keep repeating, this doesn't work for me and us anymore.' No more or she will keep on.