To tell my friend I don't want to look after her DC's anymore

[evmil]

I have a friend who has a full time job and quite unreliable childcare (she has aupairs but has quite a high turnover of them). She has three boys, one the same age as my DS(4) and two school age (7 and 10) and when her normal childcare falls through she asks me. Her aupair left just after christmas so since the start of term i have had her kids before school and after school Monday thru to Friday.

I looked after her kids for her yesterday as she said she needed to catch up on work. They were supposed to be here from 9 until 12ish but didn't leave until quarter past 7 last night. I was annoyed as I was supposed to be taking DSS3 somewhere but couldn't and he had to get a cab in the end and was late (DH is away so couldn't take him - i did tell her this).

Anyway, i got a text last night at about half 8 from said friend telling me she wasn't happy. I had apparently filled her kids up with junk food (we make milkshakes and biscuits and they got to try some and i sent some home with them), hadn't given them a proper dinner, they had jacket potatoes, which meant they were going to bed hungry, and I had let them play with the nerf guns and they had a go on the x-box (none of which she was happy with). She finished the text with 'i thought i could trust you to look after my boys'

I was really upset but just replied with 'perhaps it is best then if you get someone else to look after them', she didn't reply but i assumed this meant i wouldn't be having her kid anymore, but at quarter past 7 this morning she turned up at my house with them and said I'm not happy about yesterday but I am willing to give you another chance!! I didn't say anything as i didn't want to upset the boys but seriously!!

Like I said I enjoy having her kids and i know she is stuck for childcare but she doesn't pay me and i feel really under appreciated (i don't expect money, a thank you would be nice though!)

WIBU to tell her i don't want to look after her kids again because of her behaviour?

OP you have ultimately done this 'friend' and her DH a favour. They need to take a good look at their lifestyle and re-prioritise as they are not managing in their current situation and the kids are suffering with no consistent routine and a stream of au pairs. None of this is your responsibility. Don't let emotion get in the way.

I would put a bit of distance between your family and theirs for a week or 2 at least. Think about not sending DS to play this weekend. I think pandering to them and letting them call the shots sends out the wrong message.

You thought you were doing a short-term favour for a friend, she thought you were her (unpaid) employee. You thought it was a bit of a compromise for both families but it wouldn't be for long and you could muddle through, she thought you should neglect your family in order to give hers what she thought best. You thought she would be grateful that you were helping her out in a pinch, she thought she could intimidate and bully you.

Your differing expectations will never achieve a middle ground and she will never learn to appreciate that things that are given freely still have value.

she will never learn to appreciate that things that are given freely still have value

TimeWarp said it perfectly!

evmil, for all kinds of reasons (including your own sanity, time with your family, etc) you need to actively not conform to CF's perverted world view. Decent people everywhere should stand united on this.

climbs back down from soap box<

Welldone op! I'm actually hoping this isn't real because I don't want to believe that people like her exist!
Their money issues are not your problem. They have good jobs and have presumably chosen to be shit with money and not spend it on the important things like childcare.
I can't afford childcare so I don't work (my wage wouldn't cover it), we live off my DH's meagre salary for now but I plan on training and working in the near future when both kids are at school.
I would never do long term childcare for anyone. I'd do it as a one off (e.g. they're giving birth, stuck in traffic, family emergency) but never taking kids to school to enable someone else to get free childcare and work when the only reason I don't work is because I can't afford childcare.
She was massively taking the piss and is no friend to you. They need to take responsibilty for their own children.
If anyone was ever 7hrs late to collect children from me I'd have been phoning them at 30mins late and unless there was a good explanation then by 2hrs late I'd have called police 101 or social services to say the children had been left by the parents. People can't just leave their kids with someone else for unknown periods of time. It's shit parenting.
I wouldn't let my child go to theirs either, they clearly don't give much of a shit about their own kids so how can you trust them to look after yours?

As hard as it is, and even more so for someone as kind as you sound. You need to realise some people are just arseholes. You don't need to be one too, but you do need to know how to recognise and avoid them. This woman is definitley one

Op, Is there an Update, Please

Show's over isn't it? CF's been sent packing. OP's DH said no to DS going over to play and took OP out instead. And they all lived happily ever after (except for CF who festered in a simmering pool of entitlement).

I'm sure OP is not a troll as I have had a couple of similar experiences and have also responded on here to others who have experienced the same thing. Often their kids are lovely and I think a couple of things are going on in the mind of such parents (who like yours, have all been professionals in 9+ hour jobs with commutes on top of that)

a) My children are lovely. I would love to spend more time with them because they are so delightful. Unfortunately, needs must so anyone who is privileged enough to spend more time with them than we do is incredibly fortunate.

b) Jane Doe doesn't work/works part-time/from home and, therefore, has nothing better to do with her time and would not mind.

c) childcare is so expensive. Yes, we can just about afford to pay but why should we? They are such lovely boys and no trouble at all. Remember when Mum used to send us over to old Mrs X? That's how it ought to be ... the village helping us out (you'll nearly always find they are big fans of Hilary Clinton's 'it takes a village to raise a child' proverb)

Please don't get suckered in by the dad's apology and flowers. They're just trying to butter you up to keep you at hand for, at the very least, 'emergency childcare'. I wouldn't be sending my child over either because they will definitely view it as a favour you'll be obliged to repay. I'd also have serious doubts about their parenting abilities if they are always palming their own off too.

Yeh because troll hunting is allowed isn't it!!

Mn have already said they believe the thread to be real so why don't u all troll hunters behave

this thread is highly believable, there are some extremely cheeky people out there.... but they tend to target people who are too nice imo.

Update OP??!!

What update are people expecting?

Why would there be an update?

OP made it clear the arrangement was over and wasn't sending her child to play today.

Thread done and dusted.

Yy still.

If there's any update it will be a couple of weeks later when cheeky parents will think it's about time OP has gotten over it and is available to provide free care again. They will try to make her feel that she's being very childish if she refuses again. I didn't weigh in earlier because I get very ranty over this subject but you'll probably find it gets worse OP when your DS starts attending school, especially around holiday time. Only agree to take children whose parents demonstrate their appreciation, if that.