To tell my friend I don't want to look after her DC's anymore

[evmil]

I have a friend who has a full time job and quite unreliable childcare (she has aupairs but has quite a high turnover of them). She has three boys, one the same age as my DS(4) and two school age (7 and 10) and when her normal childcare falls through she asks me. Her aupair left just after christmas so since the start of term i have had her kids before school and after school Monday thru to Friday.

I looked after her kids for her yesterday as she said she needed to catch up on work. They were supposed to be here from 9 until 12ish but didn't leave until quarter past 7 last night. I was annoyed as I was supposed to be taking DSS3 somewhere but couldn't and he had to get a cab in the end and was late (DH is away so couldn't take him - i did tell her this).

Anyway, i got a text last night at about half 8 from said friend telling me she wasn't happy. I had apparently filled her kids up with junk food (we make milkshakes and biscuits and they got to try some and i sent some home with them), hadn't given them a proper dinner, they had jacket potatoes, which meant they were going to bed hungry, and I had let them play with the nerf guns and they had a go on the x-box (none of which she was happy with). She finished the text with 'i thought i could trust you to look after my boys'

I was really upset but just replied with 'perhaps it is best then if you get someone else to look after them', she didn't reply but i assumed this meant i wouldn't be having her kid anymore, but at quarter past 7 this morning she turned up at my house with them and said I'm not happy about yesterday but I am willing to give you another chance!! I didn't say anything as i didn't want to upset the boys but seriously!!

Like I said I enjoy having her kids and i know she is stuck for childcare but she doesn't pay me and i feel really under appreciated (i don't expect money, a thank you would be nice though!)

WIBU to tell her i don't want to look after her kids again because of her behaviour?

I am struggling to even believe this as it is SO beyond anything remotely resembling a reasonable arrangement.

I think you should text her now.

"I was surprised you dropped the DC off this morning after yesterday. I didn't want to upset them which is why I took them in. I was also surprised that you had the gall to complain about their diet given that you were seven hours late to collect them. And on reflection, I am suprised that I have let this ridiculous arrangement continue for so long. Based on average childcare fees, I am doing about £250 plus of unpaid work for you a week. Presumably now you won't be surprised if I tell you that you will have to make alternative arrangements as of Wednesday"

You are giving her tomorrow to make a plan which is more than fair.

Holy fuck this has blown my mind.

MrsHathaway, I couldn't get childcare for that - that's not even minimum wage?? Yes, I'm in London but you'd be hard pushed to find a childminder round here charge less than £8 per hour - many charge £10.

She is massively taking advantage and you are letting her do it.

I would be tempted to send her a polite but terse text, something along the lines of 'Just wanted to let you know that I won't be able to help you out with childcare any more. I appreciate you weren't happy yesterday - neither was I at being left looking after your children for a total of ten hours when it was only supposed to be three, only to then be spoken to so rudely by you. I really don't want to continue this arrangement any more so suggest you look into alternative childcare to start from tomorrow.'

The nerve of some people I read about on here never ceases to amaze me!

Genuinely not a wind up, i feel a bit reading back through my OP tbh. I should of just told her no this morning but genuinely was not expecting her and didn't know what to say.

Anyway, DSS1 has offered to tell her to get lost, he knows about the text message and was very this morning when he saw the boys...

no evmil, YOU have to tell her!

Snot it is when you add up the multiple children. I am not in London, mind you.

Anyway, if even at bargain basement rates it's £150 a week before any additional weekend days, FUCK SAKE.

I am usually one to say that you should always try to speak in person as opposed to text however on this occasion I think you should text, just so you give her enough notice to find someone for tomorrow or arrange time off, for your sake so she doesn't get to turn this around on you leaving her in the lurch

Tell her yourself. You don't need a child or a man to do it for you fgs.

It's a shame for all of the kids, but you can't be having all that.

I would send one of the texts above. It gives her sufficient time to arrange something else. It also saves an argument in front of the kids

If your dss does it she will think you are a doormat and try and weasel her way back.

She's willing to give you another chance to provide her free childcare? My, isn't she generous! Next thing you know, she will offer you the excellent opportunity to do her ironing, for free?

You NEED to text her NOW to make sure she is very clear that tomorrow she is NOT to bring them.

IF she ignores this, then do not open the door to her.

Oh and yes, feed them Coke and Haribo and maybe can find an inappropriate movie to watch as well? She has some cheek.

I was also a bit about this being a real situation as she is breathtakingly rude and I can't believe anyone would actually stand and take someone speaking to them like that. Seem your update though OP and I'm glad you are going to refuse her in the future. Don't be a doormat, she is taking the piss out of you massively. No wonder she goes through aupairs.

She is truly a twat if the highest order op! Hope she is on here and reads this. I have been steam rolled into doing before/after school care for a neighbour too. After reading this I realise it is a big favour and really, I should put my foot down.

Okay, i have just text her... 'while i enjoy having your children i don't think the arrangement is working and i do not want to continue to look after the boys. After the situation yesterday i think it is best if you find alternative childcare. I will pick them up from school today but you need to find someone to look after them from tomorrow morning as they cannot come to my house anymore'

Thanks everyone

Another one saying text her now!!! As I imagine in person she will try to railroad you/shout at you/make you feel guilty/cry and you will give in, especially if the kids are there.

Oh and i want going to let DSS talk to her, I was going to do it.

cross posted- good text OP! Now remember to stand firm when she tries to change your mind.

Good text!!!!! Short, to the point and with no room for misunderstanding!!!

I'm so excited to see what her reply will be

Evmil - please send nocabbageinmyeye's text - it is perfect!!

That sounds like a very nice way to put it op. Well done for keeping cool! I would have opted for fuck off!

Oops - cross-posted - excellent text!

You wouldn't be unreasonable at all. She's taking the piss and I'm wondering if the high turnover of APs is more her than them.