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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To tell my friend I don't want to look after her DC's anymore

790 replies

evmil · 12/01/2015 13:51

I have a friend who has a full time job and quite unreliable childcare (she has aupairs but has quite a high turnover of them). She has three boys, one the same age as my DS(4) and two school age (7 and 10) and when her normal childcare falls through she asks me. Her aupair left just after christmas so since the start of term i have had her kids before school and after school Monday thru to Friday.

I looked after her kids for her yesterday as she said she needed to catch up on work. They were supposed to be here from 9 until 12ish but didn't leave until quarter past 7 last night. I was annoyed as I was supposed to be taking DSS3 somewhere but couldn't and he had to get a cab in the end and was late (DH is away so couldn't take him - i did tell her this).

Anyway, i got a text last night at about half 8 from said friend telling me she wasn't happy. I had apparently filled her kids up with junk food (we make milkshakes and biscuits and they got to try some and i sent some home with them), hadn't given them a proper dinner, they had jacket potatoes, which meant they were going to bed hungry, and I had let them play with the nerf guns and they had a go on the x-box (none of which she was happy with). She finished the text with 'i thought i could trust you to look after my boys'

I was really upset but just replied with 'perhaps it is best then if you get someone else to look after them', she didn't reply but i assumed this meant i wouldn't be having her kid anymore, but at quarter past 7 this morning she turned up at my house with them and said I'm not happy about yesterday but I am willing to give you another chance!! I didn't say anything as i didn't want to upset the boys but seriously!!

Like I said I enjoy having her kids and i know she is stuck for childcare but she doesn't pay me and i feel really under appreciated (i don't expect money, a thank you would be nice though!)

WIBU to tell her i don't want to look after her kids again because of her behaviour?

OP posts:

GlitzAndGigglesx · 12/01/2015 14:59

To you*

Cerisier · 12/01/2015 14:59

Neither

Purplehonesty · 12/01/2015 15:00

Tell her its illegal to look after children for more than two hours a day, more than six times in a year.
Any more than that and you have to be a registered childminder.
Oh and also tell her to feck off while you are at it...

Theboodythatrocked · 12/01/2015 15:02

It's only illegal if you charge lol and the op isn't even being paid!!!!

TheWitTank · 12/01/2015 15:02

She is guaranteed to try the old 'woe is me, what am I to do' card tonight. If you can, keep it extremely short at the door, have her boys packed up and ready to go, coats and shoes on, and be firm. 'No, this doesn't work for me anymore' and don't budge.

ApocalypseThen · 12/01/2015 15:03

I'm very interested to see how she responds to your gross insubordination and dereliction of duty, OP. I expect, on current form, you can expect a red-hot zinger.

GlitzAndGigglesx · 12/01/2015 15:05

Please answer the door clutching a Big Mac and chips with an Xbox controller in the other hand with your mouth stuffed ofc

SunnyBaudelaire · 12/01/2015 15:06

and if possible a big fat spliff in one hand. or at least a rollup rolled up fat.

Justmuddlingalong · 12/01/2015 15:08

Please don't be afraid to open your door to her...and don't be afraid to close it on her either.

hmc · 12/01/2015 15:09

Well done OP, now this time make sure you stick to it and don't weaken!

mix56 · 12/01/2015 15:09

please tell us what groveling she tries, the thankless cow..Unbelievable

ilovelamp82 · 12/01/2015 15:12

Wow! It never ceases to amaze me that there are people like this in the world. If it weren't for Mumsnet i'd be oblivious. Well done OP.

nunkspugget · 12/01/2015 15:14

If you're picking up the boys today, I'd be making it clear that this is the last time to them. Perhaps tell them not to let their mum forget and send them over by mistake as you are not able to do it from now on.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 12/01/2015 15:15

Gobsmacked. Utterly gobsmacked! Some people don't know when they have it good.

I'm delighted that you've sent the text you did. I think the wording could have been a bit stronger (to emphasise how gobsmacked you are at her comments and her behaviour). I think the post by nocabbageinmyeye at 14:04 was hitting the nail on the head and would have left her no wiggle room whatsoever to respond with.

I think I'd mention to her when she collects her kids that if she treats her au-pairs the same way she treated you, you can understand why she is going through them at a rate of knots and don't let the door hit her on the way out either.

Keep us posted!

Hurr1cane · 12/01/2015 15:15

Goodness! You remind me so much of me. Don't be surprised if she doesn't want to be your friend after this and makes up a load of shit about the reasons why to anyone who listens... Bitter experience x2

OvertiredandConfused · 12/01/2015 15:15

I understand why her au pair turnover is high!

Buddy80 · 12/01/2015 15:16

My guess is that if this "friend" tries the bolshy approach and that does not work, she will change tactic and say she has is under a lot of stress due to drum roll...

some "issue" that (could be anything work stress, relationship) that she has not told anyone (ie the OP is honoured to be told as a 'close friend') and that she is feeling fragile, unsupported but just very stressed. It's all manipulative rubbish, but hey, maybe worth a shot.

MaxsMummy2012 · 12/01/2015 15:17

What a rude and self entitled "friend"! Great text, bet she doesn't have many people who put her in her place so will be interesting to see how she takes it. Stand firm.

McKayz · 12/01/2015 15:19

I'm glad you sent that text. The cheek of some people!

Aeroflotgirl · 12/01/2015 15:20

Do not waver, this is not working for me, I cannot do it sorry, your behaviour is unacceptable. I would be prepared to loose her over this, but it does not sound like a lose, she is a user0, and a rude and cheeky one at that. I would be bending over backwards for you and giving you nice gifts, not moaning about tge food.

Jodie1982 · 12/01/2015 15:21

Wow just read through thread, and I'm Gob Smacked!
Stay strong, and don't let her try n guilt trip you into anything. Your no Mug!

InsomniaIsNotCool · 12/01/2015 15:25

Good for you OP do not ever look after her DC again no matter what excuses she gives. Don't answer the door when you know it's going to be her and do not reply to any of her texts or calls. Her behaviour is outrageous esp as she wasn't even paying you. Tell her you are ill if she keeps badgering you.

Icimoi · 12/01/2015 15:26

I'm just amazed that she thinks she has any right to complain about the food you have given her children for free and not having had any warning that they would be dumped on you till 7 p.m. You should definitely can this arrangement without in any way allowing her to guilt trip you. If she has to take time off work as a result, tough.

foofooyeah · 12/01/2015 15:27

I have had a friend help me out before when I was struggling with after school care ... but I always PAID them! Even my very best friend when she was doing it on a regular basis. I could not have asked otherwise as it would be too cheeky.

Leeds2 · 12/01/2015 15:27

Make sure you leave early tomorrow, so that you aren't in should she call round or, at the very least, do not open the door if she knocks and you are home.

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