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AIBU?

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Original poster

To tell my friend I don't want to look after her DC's anymore

790 replies

evmil · 12/01/2015 13:51

I have a friend who has a full time job and quite unreliable childcare (she has aupairs but has quite a high turnover of them). She has three boys, one the same age as my DS(4) and two school age (7 and 10) and when her normal childcare falls through she asks me. Her aupair left just after christmas so since the start of term i have had her kids before school and after school Monday thru to Friday.

I looked after her kids for her yesterday as she said she needed to catch up on work. They were supposed to be here from 9 until 12ish but didn't leave until quarter past 7 last night. I was annoyed as I was supposed to be taking DSS3 somewhere but couldn't and he had to get a cab in the end and was late (DH is away so couldn't take him - i did tell her this).

Anyway, i got a text last night at about half 8 from said friend telling me she wasn't happy. I had apparently filled her kids up with junk food (we make milkshakes and biscuits and they got to try some and i sent some home with them), hadn't given them a proper dinner, they had jacket potatoes, which meant they were going to bed hungry, and I had let them play with the nerf guns and they had a go on the x-box (none of which she was happy with). She finished the text with 'i thought i could trust you to look after my boys'

I was really upset but just replied with 'perhaps it is best then if you get someone else to look after them', she didn't reply but i assumed this meant i wouldn't be having her kid anymore, but at quarter past 7 this morning she turned up at my house with them and said I'm not happy about yesterday but I am willing to give you another chance!! I didn't say anything as i didn't want to upset the boys but seriously!!

Like I said I enjoy having her kids and i know she is stuck for childcare but she doesn't pay me and i feel really under appreciated (i don't expect money, a thank you would be nice though!)

WIBU to tell her i don't want to look after her kids again because of her behaviour?

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 13/01/2015 20:14

Yes say no to the childcare, but yes you still want them to be friends and to see each other. But be careful about childcare being disguised as a playdate. Make sure your dss go there too.

Quitelikely · 13/01/2015 20:20

How comes you haven't told him yet!? Doesn't he call you?

PrincessFiorimonde · 13/01/2015 20:21

I've just finished reading the whole thread, and want to say what a very nice person you sound, OP. I do, however, second the warnings that it would be easy to get sucked back in to this, perhaps in a month or so when the utter nastiness of this woman's texts to you might have faded a little in your memory.
Stay firm, OP, because she really is no friend to you.
Flowers to you, over and over again.

Jill2015 · 13/01/2015 20:22

No, no, no, no, no!
There is no excuse for the way that she used you, and the nasty things that she said. Don't have any further involvement, would be my advice.

diddl · 13/01/2015 20:28

Don't get sucked back in!

Don't let your son there!

She'll feed him a sob story!

HazleNutt · 13/01/2015 20:31

I also have serious doubts about this apology. More like 'Oh shit, she really won't have the kids, better go over there with flowers!'

debbriana · 13/01/2015 20:35

The audacity ! That is all am going to say

2rebecca · 13/01/2015 20:37

If anyone spoke to me like that after I'd considered them a friend and had helped them out I'd have nothing more to do with them. Let the kids play together at school. She has insulted you and the friendship is over.
You have only yourself to blame if you take your son round there and get sucked back in. It's like the liftzilla person going for a coffee with Liftzilla (or not). You have to know when a friendship is over. The "friend" hasn't apologised for being so rude. Maybe in the future the kids can play together when it's blown over and they have sorted out childcare but not now.

TheRollingCrone · 13/01/2015 20:41

OP please, just don't, there will be a next episode.

  • Lweji it was the dinner monies for the week, no biggie, I just felt like an irresponsible teenager. If she,d have given me the envelope, I,d have handed it in.But she gave it to her DS. I still felt guilty as the child got an awful telling off.

Sorry for derail OP.

MrsHathaway · 13/01/2015 20:46

If he loses his job they won't need childcare for a while.

Either way, not your concern.
I think you need to practise your tinkly laugh and your "You must be joking" when the inevitable request next lands. Might be after play date, or 7am in a few weeks, but it will come.

At least the husband knows how to behave, even if he is also a massive chancer/user. He understands the form.

I am feeling very uncharitable. No good deed goes unpunished, apparently.

Original poster
evmil · 13/01/2015 20:52

I was always going to tell DH, just wasn't too keen to do it on the phone and didn't really have a chance tbh

We talk quite a lot when he is away but last night was taken up with talking about DSS3 being ill (he rang me mid puke) and on Sunday we had a Skype thing so it didn't even cross my mind

I wasn't too keen on telling him because i was worried about his reaction more for his sakes than anyone else's. He is a lovely broke but really protective of his family and I didn't want him to lose his temper and go raging round there tbh in case in got in trouble.

Anyway he knows now and is really angry but isn't going to go charging round there threaten all sorts which is a relief.

And DS won't be going there on Saturday (or in the foreseeable future) they can play at nursery, we are going to the cinema instead Smile

OP posts:
alpacasosoftsnowgentlyfalling · 13/01/2015 20:53

Your DS will go to play when she has slagged off the food and childcare you provided for free.Shock
AND slagged off your DSS ! Shock
Tell them to fuck off!

alpacasosoftsnowgentlyfalling · 13/01/2015 20:55

cross post !
Well thank goodness for that- there are some cheeky bastards around!

Starlightbright1 · 13/01/2015 20:57

I have just read whole thread...Not much I can add except if the DH is telling the truth about stress ( which I seriously doubt due to high turn over of au pairs amongst other things) Would you really want your DS exposed to a woman who is so volatile.

I also she hasn't apologised.

Lweji · 13/01/2015 21:03

Do send them the bill, at least for the food.

funnyface31 · 13/01/2015 21:10

I think you have been great emvil throughout this whole saga. Smile You clearly are a lovely friend who has been betrayed badly.

Enjoy your weekend and I hope they have learnt there lesson not to contact you again! (I'm not sure if they grabby CF has though).

expatinscotland · 13/01/2015 21:26

Just cut them loose. No more contact or engagement. Be civil, but no more. They used you, then they crossed the line and showed their true colours. Fair enough. Just don't perpetuate it. Game over. People like this have no self-awareness, so they try it on a few times before accepting they can't behave like this with you and then they go on and try it on with someone else.

GraysAnalogy · 13/01/2015 21:46

Flowers? Shouldn't he have been getting you them anyway since you've been saving them hundreds of pounds out of the kindness of your heart?

Idiots.

Aeroflotgirl · 13/01/2015 21:50

That's great op, I am pleased your adopting a no nonsense aporoach to them.

dustarr73 · 14/01/2015 05:09

If she was 7 hours late on Sunday why not just drop the kids back.Had you know way of contacting her.At least now you dont have to look after the kids any more.

Keep it that way.

rollonthesummer · 14/01/2015 07:59

Did you agree to DS going round there on Sunday or did you say no at the time?

ptumbi · 14/01/2015 08:59

i don't trust her to pick them up when she says she will. - oh god, yes. I can't tell you how many times I've said 'pick playdate up at 630' and the parent turns up (late) then stands in the hall says 'come on darling, come on now. Come on darling. Oh he never listens to me!' Light laugh, sit down, watch tv, cup of coffee....I'm trying to get her child shod, coat, ready, my tea on, house tidied.
I now say 'I will bring him back to you at 630. And I start with the de-housing procedure at about 615!

MissPenelopeLumawoo2 · 14/01/2015 09:06

'de-housing procedure'- love it!!

2rebecca · 14/01/2015 09:19

When parents came to collect kids staying with me I'd generally have the child largely organised by collection time so when the parent arrived it was shoes and coat on and out. I usually just rounded them up. I didn't make anyone cups of coffee unless that had been prearranged. usually the parents weren't wanting to hang about. I'd get the parent to help get the child's shoes on although didn't have many kids round before they could do shoes.

LaChatte · 14/01/2015 10:11

You come out as being a wonderful person, she comes out as being an utter twunt, try to take some comfort from this!