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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To tell my friend I don't want to look after her DC's anymore

790 replies

evmil · 12/01/2015 13:51

I have a friend who has a full time job and quite unreliable childcare (she has aupairs but has quite a high turnover of them). She has three boys, one the same age as my DS(4) and two school age (7 and 10) and when her normal childcare falls through she asks me. Her aupair left just after christmas so since the start of term i have had her kids before school and after school Monday thru to Friday.

I looked after her kids for her yesterday as she said she needed to catch up on work. They were supposed to be here from 9 until 12ish but didn't leave until quarter past 7 last night. I was annoyed as I was supposed to be taking DSS3 somewhere but couldn't and he had to get a cab in the end and was late (DH is away so couldn't take him - i did tell her this).

Anyway, i got a text last night at about half 8 from said friend telling me she wasn't happy. I had apparently filled her kids up with junk food (we make milkshakes and biscuits and they got to try some and i sent some home with them), hadn't given them a proper dinner, they had jacket potatoes, which meant they were going to bed hungry, and I had let them play with the nerf guns and they had a go on the x-box (none of which she was happy with). She finished the text with 'i thought i could trust you to look after my boys'

I was really upset but just replied with 'perhaps it is best then if you get someone else to look after them', she didn't reply but i assumed this meant i wouldn't be having her kid anymore, but at quarter past 7 this morning she turned up at my house with them and said I'm not happy about yesterday but I am willing to give you another chance!! I didn't say anything as i didn't want to upset the boys but seriously!!

Like I said I enjoy having her kids and i know she is stuck for childcare but she doesn't pay me and i feel really under appreciated (i don't expect money, a thank you would be nice though!)

WIBU to tell her i don't want to look after her kids again because of her behaviour?

OP posts:

songbird · 12/01/2015 13:59

Yowsers! (Nothing further to add but am marking place because I want to see an update )

myfallingstar · 12/01/2015 14:00

This is why informal child are between relatives and friends never work and tbh her beeing so flakey is why she can't keep a aupair

CaptainAnkles · 12/01/2015 14:01

I can't believe the fucking nerve of people I'm reading about on here today
You are not her employee. She is using you as free childcare and being ungrateful about it as well! Send the text suggested above re finding other arrangement immediately. I'd also want to add something about how unbelievably bloody rude she's been.

Justmuddlingalong · 12/01/2015 14:01

She's willing to give you another chance. She sees you as an easy touch. I'm sorry but you do seem to be easily taken advantage of.

Greencurtain · 12/01/2015 14:01

Wtf?
You shoud have turned her away this morning. It's her duty to explain that to her kids, not yours.
It's not like you have to shout "fuck off" and upset the boys, you just politely say "we finished this arrangement and I can't take the boys now".
I have been taken advantage of in the past and these people continue with no shame whatsoever until YOU stop them. I do have sympathy for you but you need to stand up for yourself now and tell her you are no longer doing childcare for her.

kwerty · 12/01/2015 14:02

Did you ring her and tell her to collect them when she didn't turn up at 12? She is taking the piss big time.
"I will not be minding your children any more."

formerbabe · 12/01/2015 14:02

Unfuckingbeliavable!

I am outraged on your behalf!

Does she ever help you out with anything?

Babashka · 12/01/2015 14:02

Dont tell her to off, that only brings you down to her level, just dont answer the door next time, and the next, and the next, she will soon get the message.

Mrsteddyruxpin · 12/01/2015 14:02

Sorry

Jackiebrambles · 12/01/2015 14:02

Good god. Tell her to fuck right off. I'm gobsmacked that's she's not paying you!!

LegsOfSteel · 12/01/2015 14:02

Make sure her boys are munching biscuits and playing with the nerf guns when she picks them up this evening.
You could be knocking back a beer and having a ciggie about then too.

Writerwannabe83 · 12/01/2015 14:03

Bloody hell!!

I am

I totally believe you but it's just unbelievable!!!!

I would tell her to F.O immediately!!

RiverTam · 12/01/2015 14:03

why on earth did you have them until 7pm yesterday? Half an hour after time I would have been on the phone and walking them home.

I feat she knows a doormat when she sees on and will merrily carry on wiping her feet on you as long as you let her. Tell her that you won't be looking after her DC any more.

Jackiebrambles · 12/01/2015 14:03

Just text her today, say you can't have them again after today - end of.

davejudgement · 12/01/2015 14:03

NO NO NO NO NO...

MiscellaneousAssortment · 12/01/2015 14:03

Another chance?!?!?!? Ffs. How does she not know what she sounds like?!

I think you need to explain that you don't need 'another chance' to be her free childcare and that you were under the impression that you were a friend helping a friend in need, not a surly servant needing to be pulled back in line!

Ffs! How upset would you / your dc be if the friendship died a death?

juneybean · 12/01/2015 14:03

You mug!

TwinkleDust · 12/01/2015 14:04

Erm, do you have 'mug' on your forehead? YABVU not to have politely told her NO.

pictish · 12/01/2015 14:04

Look...if you don't tell her to sling her hook, I'm going to get in my car, drive to wherever the fuck you are, and do it for you...ok?

Original poster

evmil · 12/01/2015 14:04

Thanks everyone. I will talk to her when she picks them up later. I am not usually much of a pushover so i will be instant i can't have them after today.

I only asked because I am well aware that if i don't do it she will be screwed for childcare and didn't really want to have to leave her (or her boys) in that position; i would hate to be left in it when i go to back to work. However, that is not my problem.

On a side note, I do really enjoy looking after her boys as they are lovely, well behaved children and really don't take a lot of looking after as they will happily play amongst themselves. They also keep DS occupied which has the added benefit of keeping him from getting under DSS's feet!

OP posts:

nocabbageinmyeye · 12/01/2015 14:04

What the actual fuck ??? She has some neck!!!

Text her and say "xx I am still shocked that (a) you had the absolute cheek to complain about the FREE childcare I am providing for your children, I didn't leave them in the middle of the road to play with the traffic, they were looked after well, the same way I parent my own. I gave them dinner even though they were to be collected at 12 and you completely took advantage of my kindness by leaving them until much later and (b) that you have the audacity to turn up this morning after I told you to find someone else. Let me be clear, I enjoy minding your children, I do not however like being taken advantage of and being treated badly by so called friends. I will mind your dc for until xx time today but be clear that when I said to find someone else I mean from today!"

Viviennemary · 12/01/2015 14:05

Well you shouldn't be willing to give her another chance. The cheek of some folk. Tell her to find a childminder and you won't be looking after them ever again Since you're obviously not suitable. But you need to send a text saying the arrangement is over as from now.

Theboodythatrocked · 12/01/2015 14:06

Can't believe you answered the door to her.

Text her now and say the arrangements are over and there's no more childcare.

Seriously think of the lessons in being a dormat and lack of self respect you are teaching your sons by allowing her to treat you like this.

DarkBlueEyes · 12/01/2015 14:06

Are you kidding? Is this a wind up?

MrsHathaway · 12/01/2015 14:06

I'm going to assume you have them for an hour before school and two hours afterwards (although I suspect it's longer).

A childminder would likely charge £4 per hour for the first child and maybe £3 per hour for the others. So you're saving her a cool £150 a week.

Do you have money to burn? You wouldn't give her £150 in cash, would you?

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