to be apopleptic about this wedding date?

[MerryChrisMiSantapologist]

So, DD15 turns 16 on 26 May. Since before Christmas, DH, his parents and I have been discussing having a surprise 'sweet sixteen' party for her at a local nice pub/restaurant with an upstairs party room. His parents, along with their longtime best friends (DMIL2 and DFIL2 - the families have been close forever) were here just after Christmas. We told them, including DMIL2, about our plans and the date we were planning - Saturday 23 May.

After they got back home, DMIL2 was talking to her DS2's fiancee A, and mentioned we were planning a sweet 16 for DD on Memorial Day weekend (we're in the USA). A nodded and smiled and said how nice...then not two days later booked (with nonrefundable deposits) the venue for her wedding and reception - the day after we were planning on having the party! They've been engaged since October of 2009 and NOW they have to get married quickfast (and no, no pregnancy involved)?!?

There is minor backstory in that NONE OF US like her - DMIL2 and DFIL2 tolerate her because their son D likes her, but she has managed to be blithely rude to each of us in our turn. Let's just say this wedding, with its BLACK TIE REQUIRED, nine bridesmaids, choreographed dances and more than one vocal performance by the bride-to-be, is all set up to be the "A Show" and its attendees no more than set-dressing.

So. Not only has she scheduled this party so as to make the first-planned party impossible - we live 300+ miles away from that part of the family and it would be impossible for them to afford/do the travel required for both events, even if we put the party back or forward a week - she has done it on purpose and...no under 18s are allowed, so our DS13 and DD15 are unwelcome. But I bet my DNephews 3 and 1 and Dnieces 4 and 1 will be right up there in it.

I am so angry with her because now there's nothing I can do - the deposits are nonrefundable and alea iacta est and all of that rot - but would I BU to either slap her one across the chops next time I see her, phone her up and ask her WTF, phone DMIL2 to ask same, or possibly the most cathartic, glue her face on a heavy bag and use it for kickboxing?

And now WHAT THE HELL do I do for my daughter?? We can still have our party but 2/3 of the people she would most want to attend won't be able to!!

"foofy gowns"

As a seasoned MNer, I am really hoping that's a typo

"Big Foofy Dance "

How did I miss that?!

Ok my grand entrance into my sweet sixteenth is going to be in the form of a Big Foofy Dance.

Big foofy dress

I'm at work so cannot post the picture I want, but Google labia/vagina wedding dress ...

Hah! I computer printed our save the date cards too. Only IIIIIIIIII can cut on straight lines and they don't look like a kindy class did them.

And no, tbh I can't stand her even a little bit. Like I said, she's been rude to nearly every single one of us, including telling my stone cold sober MIL that she 'must be drunk again' because MIL raised her voice (over the tv) in a political non-argument-type discussion. It's also impossible to sing ANYTHING around her at any time. SIL was there doing the dishes once and singing quietly to herself and A came in, heard she was singing, and immediately started singing the same song, only with maximum volume and melisma going on for DAYS. She does that anytime she hears someone singing anything. I've started bringing Social Distortion and Black Flag and other punk CDs with me for while I'm cooking when we go there just to avoid it.

Anyway, I guess what I'm going to do is give up on the 'surprise' aspect of the party and see when DD thinks the largest amount of her friends will be available. We'll just have the party without nine of her favorite people there. Bleagh.

Is she Mariah Carey?

Why without 9? Maybe your PIL will chose to come to her birthday?

Make sure it will be a Big Foofy Party, whatever else you do, and video it so that we can all watch.

I assume foofy may possible have different connotations in the US to here in the UK?? Not laughed so much in a long time though, thanks.

Just to add though, my old-fashioned parents used the word foof to also mean fart.

OTheHugeManatee thankyou! I was looking and looking at the word and I couldn't for the life of me work out what was wrong with it.

I think it should be "aploplectic": so annoyed as to be literally shitting oneself with rage

Scoring at foofy dress

Is this what you were thinking of fightorflight?
www.themockturtle.com/Amock/download/file.php?id=28979&t=1e

Snorting even not scoring...

Have another link that works....

dodsonandross.com/blogs/carlin-ross/2011/08/vulva-your-wedding-dress

She'd like to THINK she's Mariah Carey. No, she has a bachelor's degree in vocal performance, which she will tell you as though it's her last name. "Hi, nice to meet you, I'm A. LastnameandIhaveadegreeinvocalperformance."

Also, I've scared the dogs laughing when it clicked for me the difference between US foof (ruffles and sequins and perhaps a crinoline or two) and UK foof (which my daughter will expose at a party over my cold dead body). HAHAHA!

Do boys have sweet sixteen parties too? I'm trying to picture my burly Y11s as 'sweet' anything.

yellowdino

You can get matching handbags too. One has to co-ordinate properly.

Maybe the boys have a "slightly smelly and grunty but rather sweet sixteen" party?

Why can't your daughter have her party? You don't have to go to the wedding, you have prior arrangements. It's possible they arranged that date because you were busy!!!

I'd go ahead with the party as planned.

OP, you sound all cheery and unfazed now - was the apoplexy just sleep deprivation? I kind of enjoyed it.

I'm imagining the wedding guests all being sung at by MariahCarey!Bride so loudly that their hair all blows back as though it's being targeted by a powerful hair dryer.

Wedding trumps 16th birthday any day.

'Sweet 16' makes me feel a bit vomity also. I don't even remember what I did for my 16th birthday. 18th is much more important, due to booze, although of course that's irrelevant in the U.S.!

I'd pick another date or just go ahead and assume there will be fewer family members there.

Excellent thread.

Part of it was sleep deprivation, yes! I've had the whooping cough for weeks now so not only my sleep but my oxygen levels and my patience are at a low ebb (my patience and the number of ribs I've cracked/costal cartilages I've pulled coughing are definitely inversely related. Number of latter goes up, former goes down. WAY DOWN).

Also, yes, she'll have her party, possibly same date/time/place even, it's just she'll be without nine family members that she would have loved to have with her. Is okay, I'm sure she'll make up for it somehow - nine more screaming teenage girls she can invite, after all OH GOD HELP ME .

I wish they had arranged the date 'because I was busy' but I suspect the thought process went rather more like this: "So Merry and her DH are planning a surprise sixteenth birthday party for DD on Memorial Day weekend, we can't wait, isn't that exciting?" "Hmmm? Oh yes, very exciting! How nice!"

MrsHathaway I agree. I'd like half an hour in a room with that girl to tell her a few things about the real world. From the Mother, I would assume that it's 'new money'

oh, Merry, you have made me laugh!

Party first, they knew you planned it, and a sixteenth is a big deal these days to teens. We're hoping to book a trip away for DS1's 16th in December, as he's never flown. it's worth a celebration.

MerryChrisMiSantapologist Mon 12-Jan-15 15:09:28

Also, I've scared the dogs laughing when it clicked for me the difference between US foof (ruffles and sequins and perhaps a crinoline or two)

OP, I don't think you are being unreasonable (although the wedding with more than one vocal performance from the bride promises to be an absolute corker).