I just need some perspective

[babynamechange]

There's a huge backstory to this...but basically I'm asking the question so Im sure I'm not overreacting before I do anything...
To cut a very long story short I have had concerns about my DS having contact with his father due inappropriate touching and emotional abuse etc. DS is currently being seen by a SW about this. It has been a huge struggle to actually get someone to listen, but someone is now seeing him, although i don't know when he will be spoken to again.

DS has just come in to tell me he wants to tell me something but doesn't want to say it. Anyway he said his dad has been taking photos of him while he's on the toilet (he doesn't normally take photos generally). DS said he really didn't like this. I know he would have been really upset as he doesn't like anyone even in the vicinity when he's doing a poo. He's six.

I know or rather I think I must be asking the blatantly obvious, but is this in any world ok :( x

I agree ohfourfoxach, it is aboharrant, everything from the twisted judge, sadistic and fucked up guardian, incompetent sS, all ensure that your ds is subject to sexual and emotional abuse week after week. All they care about is ds maintaining contact with his abuser, not listening to his voice how they should be. sorry, they should hang for what they are putting ds and for. The sad thing is, if baby had a different judge, this outcome would be so different. Yes it would!

Worse than yours baby , nothing can be worse than your case.

Wow Baby. I can't even begin to imagine what you went through in the summer. As for the other worse case that judge was involved in, it's just beggars belief.

I'm so glad your ds opened up to the sw. I hope that they take proper action now.

Aeroflotgirl

Unfortunately, as utterly horrific as baby and her son's experience has been, it's mild compared to a couple of other cases I know of.

Andro, how can that happen? I mean, how is it that the system can be so completely and utterly flawed that people are being let down like this?

I don't mean that to sound like I disbelieve you at all, but I just don't understand how it can be allowed to happen?

It is disgusting, I really hope it comes out in public, like those Rotherham sex abuses did, which highlighted the incompetancies and failings of the both the Police and social service.

Agree with Andro, there are much worse cases than mine x

Despite baby P, Victoria Climbe, baby Tiffany and others coming into the public, and the Rotherhm sex abuse cases, and Jimmy Saville cases, the same old shit is still happening, lessons are not being learned by the relevant authorities who are supposed to protect children.

Ohfourfoxache

The 'how' is depressingly easy, not all physical/sexual abuse leaves obvious injuries and, much like in rape cases (of all varieties) abuse survivors are either too ashamed, too scared or in a situation where its one person's word against another.

Unfortunately, there is also an element of money and connection talking - it's wrong but it happens. People in authority in these matters (sw, judges even police on occasion) don't want to admit that they got an initial opinion wrong...so they do the three monkey routine of see nothing, hear nothing and say nothing.

The worst one is when the abusers are actually part of the 'system' so they are already held in regard and know the weak points/loopholes etc.

I must emphasise, the majority of people who work in the system are good people who just want the best for the children they are working with...but there are bad apples in every profession.

The other one I missed out is that so many sw's are hugely overloaded and that means that, withe best will in the world, they just don't have enough time to do the kind of best practice job they want to do.

A case in point was the post adoption social worker assigned to us; when I called her with a proposed course of action to manage a problem she was so grateful that I only needed a yay or nay opinion from her

Posted too soon

I didn't need visits/interventions/support putting place - she had a caseload 3 times the optimum level. Transfer that to a child protection situation and things WILL be missed!

I think your right Andro, I feel that this is happening with Baby, though now I hope that now she has a new SW, there is a complaint against them, they will take thing seriously and start to follow correct proceedure. Andro, do you work in the child protection field?

It is really bad that here are these bad apples, poor baby has not only encountered one, but bloody loads of them in all the agencies that should be protecting her ds.

Tbh I think the only truly vindictive person in all this, who actively lied and set out to cause harm was the guardian..
Despite what happened in the summer, I don't really want to blame children's services as I just think they wanted to not accept they had made a mistake, very overloaded, far easier to go with an existing situation etc etc. Pretty much as Andro described really in not wanting to accept an original opinion was wrong and ignoring all the evidence to the contrary..
Like I said, I'm just massively grateful that we have this new SW assigned to us now..

I think the judge was very cruel and misguided in what he did but ultimately he wanted me to comply with an order... Which I then had no choice but to..
Xx

It is scary they take the word of this nasty individual. Why the hell should she do such a thing . I thought CAFCASS and their representatives are supposed to represent the children, not have ulterior motives and a different agenda. Hopefully onwards and upwards now baby

And sabotage attempts to protect a child that is going through abuse. Very unprofessional at it very least.

I realy feel for you op. An ex friend of mines daughter told her she woke up with her hand on the dad's penis. Friend done sweet fa. There's history of abuse in the family an they just sweet it under the carpet. I had to end the friendship it played on my mind so much that she stil allowed her to stay. Hope you get this sorted op. I feel for you.

No Aeroflotgirl I'm not in the child protection field, but I've had cp training and learnt a lot during the adoption process for my DC (awful sw who traumatised my son so much he would wet himself if her name was mentioned, brilliant sw who only wanted to see the children she helped safe and happy).

I've also seen money and influence used to try and intimidate people into backing off in an abuse situation - when I witnessed some of what was happening I reported it and was intimidation proof.

I remember you I think. You posted when you has to send your son to his dads one night and you were desperate not to.
I hope you get somewhere this time.

Oh Andro, if you get a bad SW it can be so harmful. The system sounds so corrupt, money should not even feature in it.

Oh Baby I'd hoped with everything gone quiet it meant things were better for you.... I'm so sorry this is still bumbling on. What drives me insane is how many times does this poor child have to report something (not to you because that isn't allowed to count ffs) and everyone stands around wondering if this is an innocent explainable thing. When you run into the fifth/sixth/seventh possibly dodgy thing that's been reported in the last 2 years and they keep coming up again and again - anyone whose had safeguarding training should know to be very, very suspicious!

It really worries me about this 'low level abuse is better than no contact with a parent' rubbish. If a SW is actively teaching ds to say no to inappropriate touching this is active agreement on the part of the professionals that he needs protection from this man! I really wonder how many of these kids will grow up and sue their Local Authority for total lack of protection in pursuit of a currently fashionable agenda. Shipping kids off en masse to Canada and Australia was a statistically brilliant idea too once.

No it is not ok, this is abusive, pedophilic behaviour. Please call the police about your child's father. That man has serious issues!

Broody, police have been informed now, and SW has spoken to ds.

Got your pm, baby. Thanks. Am digesting it. You poor things

But the new SW sounds like a big improvement, much more help than anyone else has been so hurrah for that.

One day, your time will come, and you will be able to talk freely and openly about every single agency and person who has so blindingly let you and ds down.

I remember your story (have name changed since then though) which has haunted me for so long. I am glad that the guardian is off the scene now and that you have a new SW, although it sounds like you both had a terrible summer

Not surprised but very sad that the abuse is still ongoing - I will keep everything crossed for a better outcome for your poor DS.

Rumble you are so right, instead of investigating it, they are trying to dismiss it. I thought a child's voice should be heard and is important, obviously not. How many more times should this little boy open up to professionals, before someone takes it seriously.

Thanks again for all your replies xx
Rumble said this 'If a SW is actively teaching ds to say no to inappropriate touching this is active agreement on the part of the professionals that he needs protection from this man' ...which is exactly his I feel