Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I just need some perspective

481 replies

babynamechange · 11/01/2015 23:25

There's a huge backstory to this...but basically I'm asking the question so Im sure I'm not overreacting before I do anything...
To cut a very long story short I have had concerns about my DS having contact with his father due inappropriate touching and emotional abuse etc. DS is currently being seen by a SW about this. It has been a huge struggle to actually get someone to listen, but someone is now seeing him, although i don't know when he will be spoken to again.

DS has just come in to tell me he wants to tell me something but doesn't want to say it. Anyway he said his dad has been taking photos of him while he's on the toilet (he doesn't normally take photos generally). DS said he really didn't like this. I know he would have been really upset as he doesn't like anyone even in the vicinity when he's doing a poo. He's six.

I know or rather I think I must be asking the blatantly obvious, but is this in any world ok :( x

OP posts:
Fingeronthebutton · 13/01/2015 14:39

Dear baby. You need someone like my Father. This piece of shit wouldn't see the light of day again.

Original poster
babynamechange · 13/01/2015 14:45

Thanks so much everyone, it means loads

I've just heard back from the social worker who's spoken to DS who pretty much told her what he told me. She's spoken to her boss and they intend to arrange a strategy meeting between themselves and the police to basically establish where to go next.
She did say that DS was clear that he didn't want his dad to take the photos and that at best it was very inappropriate, but that she needed to establish the context in which they were taken as his dad may have been just messing about..
I would go with that, if it wasn't for the history, the fact he never normally takes photos of him doing normal stuff and the fact he always seems to do what he thinks he can just about get away with, thinking that if it comes across as a joke, or that he didn't realise he was doing anything wrong, it will just get excused :(

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 13/01/2015 14:45

Now tweedle dum and tweedle dee (judge and guardian) are out of the picture now, it will be much easier for this to be dealt with properly by the relevant authorities, and stopped.

Aeroflotgirl · 13/01/2015 14:48

Oh gosh just seen the update, no baby I don't think it will get excused considering the other things he does to Ds. I feel that this will be taken very seriously by SS and police. Well done ds for talking about it to SW. Looks positive. What are tgey doing about contact, and him seeing his dad. Will they suspend it or supervised whilst it is investigated.

Aeroflotgirl · 13/01/2015 14:53

Ex touches ds his privates away from the bathroom area, this in conjunction with what ds has said about his dad touching him will give them a bigger picture to work on, this is not an isolated incident. Tge fact they are involving police, tgat they are taking this seriously. The police will probably talk to ds too.

Original poster
babynamechange · 13/01/2015 14:56

I hope so x

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 13/01/2015 15:00

I so think so, this is not an isolated picture, there's the sexual abuse and emotional abuse, as ds is getting older he is speaking out, so authorities are finally listening, not relying just on your word. Yes they are involving police, finally, I feel this will end soon Smile

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 13/01/2015 16:00

I'm glad to hear DS has spoken to her. The fact they are involving the police is positive.

RoastitBubblyJocks · 13/01/2015 16:06

My God, it's one thing after another with this man. I'm glad that you are happy SS are taking it more seriously now, but honestly, how many cases of fuck -ups need to be on the news before they switch on.

Aeroflotgirl · 13/01/2015 16:08

Now Ds is confident talking to professionals is a very good thing. Yes SW are involving the police in this themselves which is excellent. You have a new and on the ball SW, guardian is out of the picture which is very positive.

Aeroflotgirl · 13/01/2015 16:09

Exactly, instead of investigating the how they should, they are listening to a crazy fucked up guardian who has a thing for the ex.

Andro · 13/01/2015 16:14

I'm glad your ds was confident enough to make the disclosure to the SW, it's the kind of thing that will be taken seriously by a good professional.

Jux · 13/01/2015 16:29

So glad the Mad Guardian is gone. I didn't know the judge was out of the picture too.

With luck, baby, you will be able to get on with your life soon, without all the bonkers restrictions imposed upon you.

DeliciousMonster · 13/01/2015 16:55

Goodness me is this still going on? Your poor son. This is totally insane and completely against all safeguarding principles - someone deserves to be held accountable for the lack of action here.

I hope they can get it sorted finally BNC.

Original poster
babynamechange · 13/01/2015 17:15

The court proceedings are officially finished, but if it does go back to court then it will be the same judge :(

The really good thing though is that the residency reversal application stood dismissed as of the 31st December...

I really want to explain what happened during the summer as it was so bad and it makes where we are now a lot clearer, but I'm worried it will make me too recognisable x

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 13/01/2015 17:21

Don't worry Baby, when its all over. You don't want to jepodise it now. The fact that the SS has referred the matter onto the Police means that they are taking it very seriously.

Andro · 13/01/2015 17:22

Baby, you can pm me if you want to talk away from the boards or just need an invisible vent.

Aeroflotgirl · 13/01/2015 17:22

That is great about the residency reversal too, can you keep him from going to contact now.

Original poster
babynamechange · 13/01/2015 17:23

Andro I'll try and do that later xx

OP posts:
Jux · 13/01/2015 17:43

Oh I'm so glad about the residency reversal. That was a bloody travesty.

Original poster
babynamechange · 13/01/2015 18:09

Thanks Jux
I'll message you too about what happened x

OP posts:
Ohfourfoxache · 13/01/2015 22:42

Is there a way that you can put a complaint in about the judge? It seems ridiculously unfair that the same person will be involved if it goes back to court. The judge has done nothing but make piss poor decisions at every step, and you just know that he'll (sorry - assuming it's a "he") do everything within his power to cover his own fucking back Angry

Your ds sounds like such a wonderful, brave little boy. I'm so glad he trusts the SW x

IDontDoIroning · 13/01/2015 22:46

I remember your previous threads and feeling so sorry for your little boy and how awful the guardian was. I'm glad that the court proceedings are over but it's such a shame your son still isn't safe.
I hope the new social worker can help make some progress.

Original poster
babynamechange · 13/01/2015 22:56

Foxache I've Pm'd you...
I've looked at complaints against judges and it is virtually impossible. There's another quite famous case he was involved with which ended up with a successful appeal.. But what he did in that one was really extreme, worst than mine x
Thanks ironing, I hope so x

OP posts:
Ohfourfoxache · 13/01/2015 23:53

Oh my God Sad

If what the judge did in that case was worse than what he's put you through then that is really saying something Sad

When this is all over you would be well within your rights to scream about this from the rooftops. Actually, you're well within your rights now but Aero is right about potentially jeopardising things. Every single person involved in ensuring contact deserves to be sacked and prosecuted.

Swipe left for the next trending thread