to be furious with M&S Bra assistant, want to complain..

[CalicoBlue]

I took DD 13 to M&S this afternoon. She has been wearing bra's for a year or so now, we wanted to check if she needed a bigger size. We don't ask the assistants for help, we usually get a range of sizes and I help her try them on and we work out what is right for her.

Today we selected a few styles and her current size and a size up, plus different back size. We went into the changing room and handed them to the assistant saying I had five items. First she started saying that they were the junior range looking at me, then noticed my daughter. She asked how old DD was, I said 13. She went on the say that DD should not be wearing wired bra's as they were bad for her breast tissue, showing me by pointing to her own breasts. There were people waiting and DD was mortified. I started to say that I was happy with our choice and she wanted to try them on, we did not like the non wired range. DD dragged me away pink in the face. She refused to go back and says she will never go bra shopping there again.

I am furious, we did not ask for advice or help with sizing. I was about to tell her that it was none of her business what bra's I chose for DD. Now I will have to find somewhere else to buy her bra's.

I am planning to write to the store manager.

I think YABU

Her job is to give bra fitting advice. She gave some.

Not sure exactly what you are furious about?

M&S is shit for bras. They have no idea what a properly fitting bra looks like so anything they say will be wrong.

Sorry yabu. She was only trying to help. I wouldn't be using under wiring on a 13 year old dd.

Why didn't you just take them home to try and take them back if they didn't fit?

Why should a first bra be non-wired?

While the breast tissue is developing the tissue (the lumps that can be felt in the breast) needs to be given the space to grow in whatever direction they choose. Wearing an underwire bra can cause the breast tissue to become mis-formed causing later problems with breast symmetry.

Sounds like good advice, too.

yanbu, you did not ask for her advice!

But what if the 13 year old needs an underwired bra?

Yes, you are being unreasonable. I don't know what is so embarrassing about her pointing out that teenagers developing ware better with non-wired.

I can see why your dd was a little embarrassed but really the woman was only doing her job.

She knows they're not advised so young and why and maybe thought you didn't and would appreciate being able to make an informed decision.

Maybe her tone was a little off, I don't know but even if I was YABU to be furious and to write.

I was a 30B at 13, I blooming needed a supportive bra.

Yabu. You asked advice she gave it.

I'm sorry your DD was embarrassed, but this is perhaps a good chance to talk to her about how boobs are just boobs and nothing to be embarrassed about, rather than blaming the shop assistant who has passed on what seems to be some very good advice, albeit a little tactlessly.

YABU. What exactly are you furious about? The assistant was doing her job.

YANBU OP. This would have pissed me off too.

I agree that young teenagers don't need under wired bras

I think you are being precious

Why would a 13 year old child need an under wired bra. I am a 32 ff and half my bras aren't under wired, just have a firm supportive band underneath the breast.

It's done me no harm.

Why do they have a junior range with wired bras if 'juniors' shouldn't be wearing wired bras?

YADNBU

I can not presume the nay Sayers do not have 13 yr old DDs

From your description, the changing room assistant simply offered advice, which is her job. SHe didn't say anything obviously embarrassing - I'm a bit confused about your daughter's embarrassment. I know young girls can find their whole bodies intrinsically embarrassing, but this seems odd. Surely it was a changing room in the lingerie section - all M and S stores have one, and since the assistant knew about bras I assume this was the lingerie changing room. Wouldn't this mean the 'people' waiting were also in possession of norks?
I think you need to talk to your daughter about a possibly unhealthy view of her body, and chill out about an assistant politely doing her job. I am sympathetic to your DD, but the assistant did nothing wrong. YABU.

Not sure if YABU but can I ask - M&S are selling a junior range that is under-wired? (presumably assistant can't advise you the range is for juniors and that they are not suitable for teens at the same time )

YANBU at all.

What do people do if their DDs need the support of underwiring before they're 13 then? Am curious!

You asked advice she gave it.

Where does the OP say she asked for advice?

I think that's part of the reason why she's pissed off. She didn't ask for advice but got it anyway.

M&S definitely sell underwired bras in their Angel range.

Hang on, was this was the general changing room assistant? Or a trained bra fitter?

OP and her DD were there to try on the bras. If a trainer bra fitter thought that advice was needed, she should have a) spoken in private, not in front of the other people waiting, and b) begun by asking if she could advise. Also, she should not be bringing third-party breasts into it (even if they are her own, because they are Not Relevant to getting the right fit for a customer.

And properly-fitted wired bra will not cause problems regardless of age of wearer. An ill-fitting one can cause problems whatever the age.

Porquoi, Why would a 13 year old need an underwired bra?

I'm 40 and have never worn a wired bra, I find them very uncomfortable. I find sports bras most comfortable and supportive, especially as I have larger sized boobs.

I think the sa was right to point out she shouldn't be having underwires, but she could have done so more discreetly.