to be furious with M&S Bra assistant, want to complain..

[CalicoBlue]

I took DD 13 to M&S this afternoon. She has been wearing bra's for a year or so now, we wanted to check if she needed a bigger size. We don't ask the assistants for help, we usually get a range of sizes and I help her try them on and we work out what is right for her.

Today we selected a few styles and her current size and a size up, plus different back size. We went into the changing room and handed them to the assistant saying I had five items. First she started saying that they were the junior range looking at me, then noticed my daughter. She asked how old DD was, I said 13. She went on the say that DD should not be wearing wired bra's as they were bad for her breast tissue, showing me by pointing to her own breasts. There were people waiting and DD was mortified. I started to say that I was happy with our choice and she wanted to try them on, we did not like the non wired range. DD dragged me away pink in the face. She refused to go back and says she will never go bra shopping there again.

I am furious, we did not ask for advice or help with sizing. I was about to tell her that it was none of her business what bra's I chose for DD. Now I will have to find somewhere else to buy her bra's.

I am planning to write to the store manager.

2 issues here - no the assistant was not correct. A correctly fitting bra is not sitting on your breast tissue and therefore cannot affect development.

More importantly though, they did not go in for a bra fitting. It was just a changing room assistant, offering unsolicited advice. Like someone said, similar to taking a dress to fitting room and the assistant, without you asking her sizing advice, telling you that 'well, that will never fit you!' I can totally understand why a 13-year old would not want to discuss her boobs in public.

42, my mum sounds similar. Her ribs flare out -due to big babies -and she has to wear a bigger band than her underbust as a result as the lower ribs push up.

Bra wise, if you don't mind wires the panache tango classic might suit -not the one with leaves, there's a plain version. The Freya Lauren is pretty plain too.

Micah, most sports bras work by compression ie they flatten your boobs to your chest. Their whole purpose is to strap them down flat. Doing that all day every day isn't particularly good for you imo. There are exceptions like the panache sport which encapsulates rather than compress.

I like the shape of the tango, I'm going to have to brave Braissimo and spend real money, grrrr!

go for fitting in Bravissimo, then buy bras online. Panache Tango is a popular bra, tons of sale offers.

That's a bit cheeky, but not a bad idea since some places seem to be £9 cheaper on line.

Sorry OP way off topic

I'm 'only' a D cup so it is news to me that larger sizes only come with underwire. But the OP's dd is not a larger size anyway - she is a A or B cup.

Well, the advice re underwiring for teens is rather confusing then as I have always understood - since our biology teacher lectured us as 14 year old girls back in the 1970s! - that the wiring can be a problem.

I suppose the thing is, if 'wires are fine so long as they fit well and the fit is checked regularly. they are only a problem if they are resting on breast tissue', since teenage breasts are probably changing at quite a fast rate, it would take frequent visits to a fitter to be sure you had not outgrown the last underwired bra you bought. And, as the OP (and my experience of having a teenage dd) has shown, teenage girls are not always that keen on visiting a bra fitter.

I know I will continue to advise my dd to stay away from underwiring for as long as possible, same as I advise her away from high heels, hair dye, all sorts.

Personally, when my own dd gets to that stage I'll be teaching her how a bra should fit so she can recognise herself when she needs a new bra. If she's like me she'll race through the smaller cup sizes in no time at all. breasts can change rapidly at various times in our lives so I think it's more important for her to know herself what to look for than relying on a potentially infrequent fitting of variable quality.

Knowing what I know now about bras, I reckon I was probably a 28e by about 12 or so

Sorry I haven't read the full thread but just want to respond to posters who assert that a 13 year old doesn't need an underwired bra. My DD is 13 and wears a bra size 34F, she bloody well needs an underwired bra (as advised by Bravissimo and Debenhams bra fitters). It's almost impossible to find a non-underwired bra in this size anyway.

I have always understood - since our biology teacher lectured us as 14 year old girls back in the 1970s! - that the wiring can be a problem.

Dumblesdoresgirl - please, what was the problem and what was the evidence that your biology teacher gave?

Oh I'm sorry DayLillie it was so long ago, and we were probably all giggling like the schoolgirls we were, that I have forgotten the specifics.

I do think I made a valid point in my last post though. StatisticallyChallenged said in her post to me that' wires are fine so long as they fit well and the fit is checked regularly'. I am not in a position to dispute that and I am certainly not anti wiring in bras for myself - I only buy bras with underwire for myself - but I am in a position, as the mother of a teenage girl - to know that many girls at that age are acutely embarrassed by the whole business of breasts and bras and do not have the fit of their bras checked regularly, even though they are of an age when frequent change is the norm.

Sorry, crazy punctuation going on in my last post.

Which is why i will be making sure dd knows what good looks like where bras are concerned. I don't need a fitting to know if my size needs to change, I know if the wire is in the wrong place for example.

Checked regularly didn't necessarily mean a fitter, it's not hard to see if the wire is on breast tissue. Given that we're a busty family, I consider it a life skill for her as she'll be wearing bras for a long time!

OP - have you posted in Style and Beauty for any bra advice for your DD? The bra gurus there are very good indeed.

YANBU for being upset. YABU for going to M&S - they are shit beyond shit. It is depressing to see their tact has no improved over the years. As a still fairly self-conscious 18 year old I went in to my local branch and asked for a fitting. The woman did it in the middle of the (general) shop floor (so not even the undies dept) and over my thick jumper. Twas both mortifying and inaccurate .

I took dd2 to M&S to get fitted for a bra. The assistant was dreadful. She was snappy and borderline rude. She measured dd, I thought the size she suggested sounded small but we went with it tried on some in that size. They were all way too tight for her...anyone could see that, but she (assistant) insisted that they must fit because that's what the measurements said. It was like that sketch on Little Britain where the shop assistant keeps repeating "computer says no".
YANBU

Go to John Lewis, they can measure by eye. You should really be getting ac13 yo measured properly and not just guessing. Most women wear the wrong size

You are not supposed to wear underwires when breastfeeding, either, so there is some issue there with wires.

ArcheryAnnie, that advice is also incorrect as long as the wires fit correctly. The problem is that so many people wear badly fitting bras and so it's become common advice to never wear wires when BF. It's not actually necessary

That's it, though - people don't wear properly fitting bras, or start off wearing properly fitting bras then don't buy new ones as their bodies change, and since I don't think the OP's daughter will be the first to buck this trend, she got the right advice for her circs.

No, taking goods away from a customer and telling them that they can't try or buy them on the basis that some people use the product incorrectly isn't correct advice. If M&S would bother to fit people properly and teach them how underwires should fit then that would be correct advice.

I think all the different sizes that ppers dds are shows that saying 13 year old no wires, 15 year olds can have wires is nonsense. We all develop differently.

I get my bras from Bravissimo and have had lots of conversations about bra fittings. I feel comfortable that I am giving my daughter good advice and showing her how her bra should feel and look. Then both she and I can check that her bras are fitting and know what is a good fit.

I will get some JL bras online and see what they are like.

I appreciate JL for being one of the few places to sell the rocking horse poo of the bra world, the 28C.

Yes - I have a dd who is probably 28C/30C (if we could find one).